General Winter Returns!
Credits
Feel free to translate this to
other languages, just make sure to keep this section.
Fuyu Shougun Ritaanzu! by Natsume
Akatsuki
Originally published as a gift to
the audience of the Konosuba: God’s Blessing on this Wonderful World! - Bonus
Stage! (S3 OVAs) theatrical release on March 15, 2025.
Japanese scans provided by
snowdan07
English translation by H. Berry (aitch99berry@gmail.com)
A gentle rain blanketed the city,
blending with the lively chatter inside the humid guild.
“Ha! This is a powerful card!
You’re finished, Kazuma!” the adventurer across from me slammed a card onto the
table, “I summon the Demon King Army General, Beldia the Dullahan, in attack
mode! Prepare to be destroyed!”
With dramatic flair, I flipped
over my face-down card, “Sorry to disappoint you, but you triggered my trap
card! Since you defeated a Snow Sprite, I now summon General Winter! His
head-hunting strike immediately beheads any monster!”
…
“Wait, Beldia’s a dullahan. He’s
already beheaded. Doesn’t that make the effect useless?”
“I mean... maybe? Dullahans are
weird. They’re both undead and physical monsters. The rules don’t say anything
about it, and I don’t know what company makes this card game to complain about
it.”
Thanks to the miserable weather,
the guild was full of bored adventurers like me, passing the time drinking and
playing children's card games.
Then—
“WHYYYYYYYYYYY!?”
“W-we need a real reason...!”
Aqua’s screeching cut through the
guild, but everyone ignored her and kept playing.
“All right, I’ll draw again...
Hehehe. Look, Kazuma! I finally pulled it, the ultra-rare Iris Stylish-Sword
Belzerg card!”
“Hold on! I’ve been watching you
for a while now. What is this game?! Isn’t it wrong to commercialize the Demon
King Army generals? And why is Lady Iris on a card?!”
Darkness, who had been quietly
seated beside me, suddenly leapt to her feet in outrage.
“She’s a beloved princess! Of
course she’d be made into a card. Look, I got one too.”
“There’s no way the royal family
gave permission for this! This infringes her image rights! These cards are
illegal! Hand them over, are there any more like this!?” She snatched my deck
and began flipping through it.
“Lalatina, wait! Not my Iris! That
card’s premium!”
“Don’t call me that! I’m
confiscating these—!?” Her hands froze. Mouth agape, she stared at one
particular card.
“Oh, that’s the Sexy Lalatina
card. It’s rare, but I got lucky and got several. I’ll give you one. It’d be a
shame if you didn’t own a card of yourself.”
As I tilted my head to inspect it,
Darkness let out a full-throated scream and ripped both of our decks in half
with her bare hands.
“HEY!?”
“What the hell, Darkness!? My deck
was full of super-rares!”
“M-my Iris...!”
“Shut up! Who made these!? They’re
going to pay!”
“What’s got you so worked up,
Darkness?” Megumin, who’d been calmly munching on snacks, picked up the scraps
of cards from the table, “These aren’t that bad. We’re well-known adventurers,
we should have all sorts of merchandise!”
“Megumin’s right! We’ve beaten
several Demon King Army generals. We should be as popular as them!”
“I’m not jealous! This isn’t
something to celebrate!!”
While the chaos continued, a
different voice suddenly grabbed our attention.
“We have to do something now! Who
knows what could happen later! If you won’t act, then I will!”
“U-um... but calling an emergency
quest requires proper justification...”
Aqua was up at the front desk,
pestering the poor guild receptionist.
What she is yelling about, I have
no idea, but it clearly isn’t going to end well.
“...Hey, Kazuma, Aqua’s been
bothering the receptionist for a while now.”
“That’s got nothing to do with me.
Don’t give me that look.”
“But she said she’d take action
herself...”
True to form, Aqua strolled up to
our table with a suspicious grin plastered on her face.
I have a bad feeling already.
“Kazuma, Kazuma! You look as
aimless and miserable as ever!”
“Are you trying to start
something?”
She grinned wider, clearly in
teasing mode. But then she blinked in surprise, “W-wait! That’s not what I
meant! I mean, you’re a virgin NEET, so being bored is normal for you, right?
But you’ve been pretty active lately!”
“You’re the one who said, ‘It’s
raining, but let’s go out anyway, we don’t want this NEET getting lazy!’
Remember?”
Seriously, even a chicken has
better memory.
“Why are you glaring at me? I was
complimenting you!”
“That wasn’t a compliment. And
flattery won’t get you anywhere, don’t even try.”
That was supposed to be a
compliment?
“I—”
“If you say one more word, I’m
drinking the expensive booze you’ve got stashed under your bed.”
Aqua froze. Her lips clamped shut,
eyes welled with tears, “Please help meeeeeeeee! I’m in so much trouble,
Kazumaaaaaaaaaaa!”
“H-hey, stop! Let go! You’re
pulling down my pants! GET OFF—!”
After a while, the
sexually-harassing goddess finally let go. I sighed and decided to at least
hear her out.
“That’s why you were pestering the
receptionist? You want to call an emergency quest just because it’s raining and
giant frogs are out?”
“I hate the frogs too, but calling
for an emergency quest based on that…”
“I don’t believe you. What did you
do this time?”
“I-It’s not about frogs, alright!?
Just... promise you won’t get mad.”
So there is something to get mad
about.
What did this useless goddess
screw up this time? I should scold her. I really should. But I’m also kind of
curious.
As the receptionist subtly leaned
in to eavesdrop, Aqua picked up the Snow Sprite card from the mess scattered
across the table.
“Remember these little guys?”
“…Oh yeah. We were told if we
defeated the snow sprites, spring would come early. We got carried away and
ended up summoning General Winter…”
That was the first time I died in
this world.
Supposedly, he has such a high
magical defense that not even Explosion magic can defeat him, though that magic
can take just about every other monster in one hit. Of course there’s a card
for him too.
He appears whenever snow sprites
are harmed. If you encounter him, there’s only one option: get on your knees
and beg for forgiveness. But hey, it’s nearly summer, so we should be in the
clear.
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Remember how I… kind of… kept
one?”
…
“…You mean the one you trapped in
a flask?”
Aqua pulled a small flask from her
pocket.
“The other day, while I was hiding
my expensive booze, I found it again in a dark room and—”
“Emergency! Emergency! All
adventurers, arm yourselves and gather at the guild immediately!”
The moment the receptionist
spotted the snow sprite, she called for an emergency quest on the spot.
Outside the city gates, rows of
armed adventurers stood at the ready.
Since we couldn’t let the sprite
loose inside the city, we brought it outside.
“You! How could you forget about
this! You told me you were going to sell the snow sprite at the guild!”
“I-I’m sorry! I was going to! But
then I figured I could use it to open a shaved ice stand this summer and make
tons of money! But then I learned that any snow sprites left after winter get
picked up by General Winter himself! So I thought I’d wait for it to warm up a
bit and then let it go... and I totally forgot!”
“You moron! We’re lucky General
Winter didn’t crash through the mansion!”
It’s nothing short of a miracle
she left it in a dark, cool place all this time. Otherwise, it would’ve melted,
good thing it doesn’t need to eat either. But how come General Winter hasn’t
come?
“My barrier blocked his detection!
Plus, sprites like this have holy affinity, it feels comfortable around me.
Look at it, it’s in a great mood!”
“Okay, so why not just keep it
until summer?”
…
“Kazuma, I leave it in your care.
Hurry back to the mansion!”
“You should’ve told us way
earlier! Now—”
Yeah...
We didn’t even notice when the
drizzle had turned into a heavy snowstorm.
“Aqua, give me the flask. I’ll
release it. Everyone else, stay—” Darkness reached for the flask, only to
freeze as she noticed something behind her, “...Wha?”
Every adventurer was on their knees;
heads bowed to the snow.
Axel is home to a lot of veteran
adventurers. We all know what to do.
Megumin, kneeling beside me, spoke
up, “Darkness. If he won’t forgive us, only then do we use force. Now, release
the sprite.”
“O-okay…”
The wind howled as she unscrewed
the cap. Footsteps crunched in the snow.
“I apologize on behalf of my
companions,” Darkness spoke calmly, “I will now release the snow sprite. I’m
very, very sorry.”
I couldn’t see her, but I was sure
she was bowing.
“I-I didn’t mean to forget,
really! But if you harm Darkness, you’ll face divine punishment!”
“Yeah! We’re sorry, but don’t even
think about laying a hand on Darkness!”
“Yes! If you leave now, I won’t
have to become the Great Spirit Slayer! You’re known for your kindness, right?
Please show mercy!”
As the others alternated between
threats and apologies, the rest of the guild chimed in one by one.
“Adventurers from Axel are used to
dangerous situations!”, “Yeah, we’ve taken down Demon King Army generals and
the Destroyer, we’re not scared of you!”, “L-Lalatina, we’re with you!”
“...General Winter left a while
ago, I appreciate the support, but please raise your heads before saying
something…” Darkness looked at us with disappointment, most of us were still
kneeling.
“—Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
A familiar cry rang out from the
guild.
“No wonder there's a Sexy Lalatina
card!”, “You were so cool, Lalatina! Here, drinks are on me!”, “I was ready to
act any moment, Lalatina!”
“STOP CALLING ME THAT! And
Megumin, wipe that smug grin off your face!”
The guild was holding a
celebration.
At the center table, Megumin
happily watched Darkness get flustered under the mountain of praise and
teasing.
“You should’ve known this would
happen! If anything, it’s your fault for not keeping an eye on me!” Aqua,
sitting upright beside Darkness, spouted off some top-tier nonsense.
“Oh no you don’t. If I’m in charge
of babysitting you, then I’m also taking full control of your money and your booze!”
Aqua froze. Her expression turned
to horror, “H-hey, you’re joking, right!? I don’t care about the money, but not
the booze! Specially not the super special awesome one I keep carefully hidden
in a cool, dark place! I’m saving that for when something good happens!”
“Well, something good did happen.
After General Winter showed up, the weather finally cooled off.”
“Exactly! Thanks to me, the entire
city’s comfy now!” Aqua stood up, arms raised triumphantly, only to freeze as
Megumin and Darkness grabbed her shoulders, “...Huh? W-what are you two doing?
Darkness? Megumin? Why are you making me sit back down? Kazuma!? Where are you
going!? WAIT!”
While the newly-captured goddess
flailed and howled, I casually stood up and stretched.
“I’m going to get that fancy booze
you’ve been hiding. Think of it as payment for all the trouble you
maaaaaaaaaaaade!”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
I sprinted back to the mansion,
Aqua’s cries echoing through the guild behind me.
Konosuba: Bonus Stage! BD Short Stories
Accepting Subscriptions!
Credits
Feel free to translate this to
other languages, just make sure to keep this section.
Teiki Koudoku Uketsuke Chuu! by
Natsume Akatsuki
Originally published in the May
2016 issue of Megami Magazine on March 30, 2016
Japanese scans provided by
snowdan07
English translation by H. Berry (aitch99berry@gmail.com)
It happened a little while after
we moved into the mansion.
I was spacing out by the fireplace
when I heard voices coming from the front door.
“I don’t think we’re interested in
that sort of thing. You’ll have better luck elsewhere.”
“Aw, come on, miss! I’ll even
throw in a bonus if you sign up for a subscription!”
Is Megumin negotiating with a
door-to-door salesman?
She’s probably getting
underestimated again because she’s a little girl.
“We’re not interested in any
newspapers. But if you really want to make a sale, offer us something good.
Otherwise, scram,” I walked over and gently nudged Megumin aside.
The salesman shifted his target
immediately, flashing a practiced smile, “Oh no, not a newspaper, sir! I
believe you may find this far more appealing than the young miss.”
He pulled out a magazine. The
cover illustration instantly reminded me of Japanese magazines from back home.
“…Is this a porn mag?”
“Sadly, no. This is a sublime
publication that celebrates goddesses of all kinds, from major to minor
deities, evil and good, destructive and benevolent alike!”
Ah. Religious propaganda.
Yeah, no thanks.
“We got our religions covered, a
Crusader devoted to the Eris Church and an Archpriest of the Axis Cult. Please
look somewhere else.”
I was halfway through closing the
door when the salesman hastily unfolded the magazine in front of me.
“W-wait! Please just take a quick
look! I promise, this content will interest you!”
The open spread featured a photo
of—
“Wait… is that Lady Eris? In a
swimsuit!?”
“Of course! And yes, we have full
permission to use that image!”
“What? You got permission from
Lady Eris herself? She’s a literal goddess!”
“Indeed! Take a look at the
magazine’s name—”
Goddess Magazine, it said in bold,
ornate lettering on the cover.
“That’s right! A noble publication
dedicated to interviewing real goddesses and sharing their divine glory with
the masses!”
“No way… actual interviews?”
“Yes! As you may know, those who
die from monster attacks or curses go straight to Lady Eris. It took our
editorial team months to plan the scoop, we hired the Royal Family’s top
Archpriest and prepared a Resurrection spell… it was the most dangerous feature
we’ve ever done!”
“Don’t tell me more! I already
know way too much about how that system works!”
“Please don’t brush us off! Look,
this issue and next month’s are special Lady Eris features! You won’t want to
miss them!”
…I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t
curious.
I took the magazine and flipped it
open.
“Featured articles: ‘'Fried Frog
Shocker! Is it Lady Eris’s Guilty Pleasure?', 'The Truth Behind the Rumor: Has
Lady Eris Been Secretly Working Among Us?', 'Our Boldest Interview Yet: Does
Lady Eris Pad Her Chest?!'´…you’ll get punishment for the last one…”
“You can’t work at Goddess
Magazine if you’re afraid of divine punishment! So, what do you think, dear
customer? If you subscribe now, you get a Lady Eris wall poster and an
exclusive calendar!”
“YOU! Salesman from Lesser Goddess
Magazine!” right then, Aqua returned from a walk and froze at the doorstep,
“What are you doing in front of my house!?”
“Oh no, not you again! You’re the
lunatic who keeps claiming to be a goddess and harasses our staff!”
They know each other?
“I hate everything about your
magazine! Why are you wasting time with some minor goddess!? You should
interview Aqua!”
“Y-yeah, well, that would be
difficult.”
“I’ve told you before, I’d gladly
sit down for an interview!”
“Why would we want you? We’re
looking for the real Aqua, not some crazy Axis cultist!”
The two began arguing like they'd
been rivals for years.
I ignored them and kept reading.
Then, my eyes landed on something
at the end of the magazine.
COMING NEXT MONTH: Lady Eris’s
Full Divine Profile, Including Her Three-Size Measurements?!
Subscribe Today!
I nearly dropped the magazine.
“That’s it! I’m writing hundreds
of complaint letters until you feature Aqua instead!”
“And this is why we don’t cover
her! You Axis lunatics are all the same!”
I clutched the magazine to my
chest and backed into the house, leaving the squabbling pair behind me.
Next month’s issue…
…I’m really looking forward to it.[1]
This mini story is also included
in the Konosuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! Complete Book (S1
anime artbook), published on June 28, 2016.
Cover
of the real-world May 2016 issue of Megami Megazine
Still Accepting Subscriptions!
Credits
Feel free to translate this to
other languages, just make sure to keep this section.
Sarani Teiki Koudoku Uketsuke
Chuu! by Natsume Akatsuki
Originally published in the
Konosuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! Complete Book (S1 anime
artbook) on June 28, 2016.
Japanese scans provided by
snowdan07
English translation by H. Berry ( aitch99berry@gmail.com )
One morning.
“An interview!? Now!? Are you dumb
or just slow!? I told you a dozen times I’m the Goddess of Water, and you
didn’t believe me! Now it’s too late! Go away! Shoo-shoo!”
I was just starting to drift off
again in bed when I heard shouting echoing through the house.
Groaning, I pulled the blanket
over my head, but the argument downstairs only got louder.
“You never imagined a real goddess
would be walking around a place like this!? I’ll have you know, while I may
look like I’m just wandering around the shopping district, I’m actually
patrolling daily to protect this city from the Demon King’s evil grasp!” Not sure what’s going on, but seems someone
came to see Aqua, “Keep following me and I’ll start slipping Axis Church
registration forms into your magazines!”
…
Now that piqued my curiosity.
Still in my tracksuit, I shuffled downstairs.
There in the front hall stood a
familiar face.
Oh. Him again.
“The Goddess Magazine guy?”
It was the same salesman from
before, only now he had a shiny magic camera slung around his neck. Seems this
time he wasn’t selling subscriptions. He was interviewing.
Aqua noticed me and immediately
tried to rally support, “Kazuma! Perfect timing! Help me chase this paparazzi
out of here! Last time he laughed when I said I was a goddess, and now suddenly
he wants an interview? Please! He only changed his tune because that Eris
feature was popular! He knows I’ll boost sales way more than she did, but it
won’t be easy!”
Before I could reply, the reporter
coolly interjected, “I’ve brought a bottle of rare, high-grade liquor. Consider
it a gift from the editorial team.”
Oh, he did his homework.
“...huh? You’re making a big
mistake if you think I’ll accept just because you brought me booze! I’m not
some cheap woman who’ll do anything for alcohol, as a goddess—”
“In addition, the editorial staff
also collected some strangely shaped stones for you…”
Yep, they certainly researched
Aqua's little-known and weird hobbies.
Aqua grumbled but glanced at the
bag of stones, then back at the camera.
“Well, if you’re doing
back-to-back features on Eris and not me, the ten million Axis followers across
the kingdom will be furious. I guess I’ll allow the interview, as long as you
don’t get in my way.”
On the outskirts of the city.
The interview was underway, the
reporter pointed some kind of box towards Aqua, must be some kind of magical
voice recorder.
With a serious expression, he
began, “With the city abuzz about a mysterious graffiti artist, we’ve now
confirmed the culprit is… you. Care to explain your motives? Also, can you
share a meaningful anecdote involving Lady Eris?”
Aqua was doodling the city’s outer
walls.
“Eris stories? Hmm… There was this
one time we went to a hot spring, and she kept looking at my chest, then at
hers, and sighing. Poor girl. And this isn’t graffiti, this is divine warding
art, imbued with my incredible goddess powers. If any demons or undead get near
it, they’ll run in fear!” She puffed out her chest proudly.
The reporter didn’t blink.
“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a
masked devil spit on these, I doubt he’s scared.”
“WHAT!? I won’t forgive that
devil! I should cast a Holy Barrier around the entire town!”
I honestly can’t tell what was
supposed to be feature-worthy of her. Nonetheless, I’m curious, so I decided to
come with them.
“Do you have permission to draw on
public property?”
“Don’t need it! These murals are
proof that a goddess resides in this city. People might not always appreciate
them, but they’ll thank me eventually.”
So, she’s basically marking her
territory. Like a divine stray dog.
After scribbling a final flourish,
Aqua wandered off, this time to the city’s reservoir.
The reporter, still professional,
followed her closely, “It may be hot, but don’t you think it’s dangerous to
swim here? Children might copy you. Also, can you tell us what kind of man Lady
Eris likes?”
Aqua was inside, splashing around
wildly, “She once said she likes people who don’t give up. Eris is the
hardworking type who shoulders everything herself, so I guess she likes men who
are the same. And this isn’t ‘swimming,’ it’s divine purification! As the water
goddess, I enhance the water by immersing my sacred self into it!” She dove
dramatically, “And the kids won’t imitate me, they know this is my turf.”
I chimed in, “Yeah, one kid said
the girl in blue yelled at him for playing in the fountain. You should stop
picking fights with children.”
“Now that I think about it,” she
suddenly surfaced, “Didn’t your magazine have Eris in a swimsuit last month!?
You got a camera, take a picture of me! I demand swimsuit coverage!”
The reporter remained stone-faced,
“No, thank you. Next question, what do you know about Lady Eris’s romantic
history? Has she dated any other divine being?”
Aqua’s face turned red, “What!?
No! Ask about me! Why are all your questions about Eris!? The article is about
me, I won’t be answering more questions about her!”
The reporter sighed with a
troubled look on his face, “...well then…I believe that concludes the
interview. Thank you for your time.”
“I won’t let you! Didn’t you come
to interview me!? I’m going to attack the Eris Church and then hang around the
Axis Church—Ah! Kazuma, catch that guy! He’s trying to get away!”
“This is why nobody likes Axis
believeeeeeeeeeeeeeers!”
A few days later.
The latest issue of Goddess
Magazine hit the stands.
MAIN FEATURE: “Lady Eris Exposed! The Truth
Behind Her Mysterious Life - Part 2”
But tucked in the back…
“Special Side Column: Lady Aqua’s Job
(Apparently)”
[1] Megami means goddess, so as you’d
guess the in-story magazine and the real-world magazine have the same name. I
decided to translate the name of the in-story one for clarity.
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