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Part 1
Wiz and
Vanir faced each other on a hill near the city.
“Not since I
was human have we fought seriously, Vanir.” With an unusually serious
expression, Wiz took off her apron and prepared herself.
Vanir showed
a small smile, “Hmm, nostalgic, isn’t it? Back then you were the best
adventurer, courageous and proud. Why did I taught you the forbidden spell to
turn yourself into a lich? Well, you could say I liked you.”
“…That’s
very sly of you, to say that so suddenly! But even if you flatter me, I will
never forgive you! …I wouldn’t mind a little
more flattery though.”
Vanir
twisted his mouth in disgust as Wiz looked upset, “I was talking about your past
self no good shop owner! Return to the old Wiz I liked! I do not want a lich, queen
of the debt, like you!”
“I’m right
here, the Wiz you like is still here! I’m sorry for using the money, but it was
a necessary expense!” Wiz pleaded with a tearful expression.
Vanir put
his hand on his mask, “Now that I think about it, I’ve never shown you what’s
underneath my mask. Seeing how we’re going to fight seriously; I’ll show you
everything and fight you with all my might.”
“R-really?
Wait, the receptionist at the adventurer’s guild told me that you’re extremely
handsome under that mask. You plan to show me your true face and make me
hesitate, aren’t you? It won’t work, no matter how many times you try—!”
Vanir threw
away his mask, not letting the flustered Wiz finish, and at that very moment.
“Cursed
Crystal Prison!”
Vanir’s body
was completely frozen, a large wall of ice surrounding it. Right in front of where
Wiz was standing, the words ‘Dumb lich’ was written on the ice wall.
“Fuahahahahahahaha!
For some reason, I’m very popular with women! I do not mind showing them my
face, but my devilish nature prevents me from showing them if they ask for it.
If you’re that interested, I’ll show you for 50.000 Eris!” A newly formed Vanir
appeared from the ground behind Wiz.
“Fufufufufu,
Vanir, are you really worth that little? That gives me an idea for a product,
I’ve been thinking about it for a while. It’ll be niche, but I’m sure it’ll
sell.” The provoked Wiz laughed while keeping a cold gaze.
“It’s a
shame you’re so proud! Too bad it won’t sell at all!” Vanir clearly doesn’t
have a shred of faith in Wiz’s business sense, he laughed once again.
Wiz didn’t
mind Vanir’s comments as she approached his former frozen body, “This is the
product I’ve been thinking about. Making replicas of your body in ice, and
selling it to succubae—”
“Don’t you
dare do that, devilish shop owner! Sometimes you may be even more vicious than
me!”
“Hey, who do
you think will win? It’d be a waste to just watch, why don’t we make a bet?” I
asked Aqua, we were watching from a distance.
“I’d bet on
Wiz. I can never beat you in a bet, but I don’t think I’ll lose this time. At
least I prefer that dumb undead rather than that masked devil!” Aqua said
confidently.
“On other
circumstances, I’d bet on Vanir. But I’m with you now. Normally I think the two
would be evenly matched.”
But Wiz is
not her usual self now…
Part 2
A few days
prior.
Aqua and I
were lazing in the mansion. Megumin, in charge of cleaning duty, kicked us out
claiming we were nuisances, and Darkness had gone out early in the morning on
official business. As we had plenty of time to waste, we went to the magic tool
shop.
“What are
you two doing here? That crimson joke mage friend of yours still hasn’t paid
her debt for the ruined demon ring. This is not a playground, if you aren’t
here for business, leave!” Vanir greeted us with disgust as he was polishing
magic tools with a cloth.
The other
day Megumin wore a demon ring of Vanir’s, a rare magic tool that grants its
user dangerous powers, since its destruction he’s been wary of us.
While he is unwelcoming,
the beautiful shop owner serves us sweets. When not in our mansion this place
has become our favorite place to relax.
“It’s fine
Vanir, we aren’t getting many customers. Besides, you two arrived at the
perfect time, there’s a new product I’d like you to see.” Wiz said cheerfully
while brewing a cup of tea.
“What did
you say? A new product?”
“Yes, it’s something
I’m confident about! Hehe, I’m sure it’ll sell. I’ve been secretly developing
to surprise you!” Wiz replied with a smug smile.
He timidly
opened his mouth, “…before you unveil it, there’s something I need to know.
I’ve already threatened all moneylenders in town against giving you any more
loans. Be honest with me, how did you raise funds?”
“You worry
too much Vanir; I don’t owe anyone money. I was looking around the shop for
something to pawn when I discovered a hidden room with a treasure chest—!”
Vanir
sprinted towards the back of the store, we heard something heavy moving before he
returned, now looking quite different.
“Even though
you have a poor eye for business, why are you so good about things like this? Why
did you go to the trouble of finding the secret room with my savings!?”
“W-What are
you talking about!? Savings!? I had no idea, I-I just used my detection magic
to see if there was anything good to pawn and found a hidden treasure chest...”
Wiz has conquered
many dungeons; it can’t be helped that she thinks like an adventurer and is
good at finding secrets.
“Why did you
think there was a treasure chest hidden in the shop? Had you used your undead
brain if only for an instant you’d realized that it was something I hid!”
“I-I thought
a part of the store had become a dungeon because I’m a lich and have lived here
for many years…”
“If our mere
presence turned buildings into dungeons then we wouldn’t be working so hard to earn
money to build one! You just wasted all the money I saved with my side gigs…
what will I do now with this embezzling shop owner.”
Wiz started
to retreat, getting ready to run away as Vanir’s eyes started to glow.
“W-Wait
Vanir, it was an accident that happened because you didn’t tell me! This shop
is a joint venture, there shouldn’t be any secrets among us!”
“For us
devils a contract is absolute, I believe you know that. But even if there will
be punishment, I’ll terminate my contract with you—what are you doing!? Get
your hands off me, you useless shop owner!”
Wiz was
clinging to Vanir, determined not to let him escape, “Are you planning on
abandoning me? After toying with my heart on a daily basis, you’re just
throwing me away!? After you promised you’d help me run the shop!?”
“Don’t
misinterpret! Don’t refer to me feeding off your bad emotions as toying with
your heart!” Vanir rejected Wiz; she was close to tears.
The rare
sight of a duke of hell breaking a contract, even Aqua was intrigued by it,
even though her focus was on the slice of cake in front of her, “Kazuma,
Kazuma, this is fun! It’s like a soap opera, I wonder if Wiz will be able to
turn this around.”
“They seem
like a failed marriage, like a loser gambler desperately trying to stop his
wife from leaving. If Vanir leaves, I’m sure the store will go bankrupt,
there’s no way Wiz will give him up. From here on a long story will begin,
Vanir will set out on a journey to escape, and Wiz will pursue him.”
“Don’t just
sit there and watch, woman who is only interested in sweets and young man who
is imagining the shop owner in a revealing outfit, stop her!” Vanir was trying
to push Wiz away with both hands.
Suddenly, she
seemed to realize something, “Vanir please, at least look at the new product!
I’m sure you won’t want to cancel our contract anymore! I’m confident it’ll
sell.”
“I’ve heard
that so many times those words have lost all meaning… very well, but if it’s
another rubbish product, then I’ll use you to earn money.”
Vanir made a
devilish request to counter Wiz’s proposal. He really doesn’t have faith in her
at all.
“Using her?
Please tell me more about that.”
“They really
sound like a failed marriage.”
However,
despite such request, Wiz’s expression lit up when she realized she had a
chance of keeping him, “Fine, if you don’t like it then I’ll do whatever you
want! Now, take a look Vanir, here’s the new product!”
Wiz took out
a doll that could reach the height of her knees. It looks like a girl dressed
in a cute maid costume; I think it could be popular with children.
“…hmmm, it’s
not a bad design. But it’s not just a simple doll, is it?”
Wiz smiled,
“It’s an autonomous doll, just like your clay dolls. Now look at this!”
She placed
the doll on the floor and pressed a button on the back of its head, the doll
started cleaning with a broom.
Although it
doesn’t seem as efficient as golems, I think it may be a revolutionary tool.
Wiz seemingly didn’t use magic to activate it.
“It does not
look bad at all, tell me, what are the major disadvantages? Does it cost 10
million Eris to manufacture, will it only work for a few minutes, or will it
self-destruct after it completes its orders?”
He really
does not have faith in her at all.
“N-none of
that! Well, it’s not cheap to make, but if we sell it for 50.000 Eris, it’ll be
profitable. And it lasts more than 12 hours! Furthermore, it absorbs the
magical energy surrounding it, if it’s taken care of properly, it may last for
decades!”
“…hmm? Well,
I’d say it’s a great product, but why should I believe you?”
Wiz’s smile
grew, “It’s all true! And that’s not all, it has more features!”
“Oh? Let’s
hear them.”
Wiz’s smile
was now that of smugness, “It can protect its owner too! If it detects a
stranger, it’ll self-destruct—”
(INTRUDER
DETECTED. INITIATING SELF-DESTRUCT PROTOCOL.)
“Ah, of
course—” Vanir grabbed the doll, took a leap outside, and kicked it high up in
the sky.
An explosion
that could rival Megumin’s roared in the sky, the entire neighborhood came
outside to see what was happening.
“It’s maybe a
bit too strong, but it’ll deter any thieves for sure!”
“Is that all
you have to say? …you should’ve done some tests before bringing it to the shop,
you careless shop owner. However, it’s not a bad product if we can decrease its
power and have it recognize family and friends, then it could sell…”
While Vanir
was deep in thought, Wiz started talking sheepishly, “The explosion’s power
can’t be reduced, and it can only recognize one person. It’s a maid doll, she
only serves one master.”
“…Ah, I see.
Then remove the self-destruct function. It can sell well as a cleaning doll.”
Wiz’s smile
was disappearing faster and faster, “It can’t be removed, all its functions are
linked. If anything is missing, it won’t work. B-But we can sell it to single,
lonely people!”
“You junk
shop owner! Who in their right mind would buy something so dangerous it could
destroy half the town anytime someone came to visit! Why did you add a
self-destruct function in the first place!?” Vanir shook Wiz, his eyes glowing
more brightly,
“I-I used
your dolls as reference… I though the self-destruct function was essential—”
“My dolls
are made to clear out dungeons, they fight monsters, self-destruct is their
means of attack! Well, we cannot sell your garbage product. As promised, I’ll
use you to earn money!”
“I-I
understand, I’ll let you use me. I’ll make it up to you, I swear!”
What should
I do now? When will her new work start? Can I make a reservation already?
Wiz’s
unfashionable robe does her figure no favors, but having seen her in a bikini
before I know she has an amazing body.
“That’s
great! Well then, I’ll have you work at a store run by my subordinates. Don’t
worry, while you may be oblivious to it, there’s plenty of demand for you. One
week should be enough.”
Vanir was in
a good mood, however, Wiz turned pale, paler than normal that is, “…a store run
by your subordinates? You can’t possibly mean the succubus shop…”
Vanir tilted
his head while looking at the confused Wiz, “… isn’t it obvious? How else are
you going to earn money? It’s not like you have a business acumen, all that’s
left from that useless body of yours would be selling the flesh off it—”
“S-stop!
Vanir, just what do you want me to do!? When you said earning money using me, I
thought you meant going on quests, making use of me as an adventurer!”
I see, Wiz
was a great adventurer when she was human. Though, could she really earn more
by completing high difficulty quests rather than working on the succubus shop?
“Kazuma,
Kazuma, why do you look so disappointed?”
“What do you
mean? No, I’m not.”
“A lich
doesn’t have an adventurer’s card; how do you intend to accept quests?” Vanir
tilted his head even further.
“T-that’s
not a problem, you may not know about this, but there are ways to get money
without going through the adventurer’s guild.”
The adventurer’s
guild will verify that you completed a quest and reward you for it. For certain
monsters they’ll also buy their remains, but you can also sell that outside the
guild.
Wiz owns a
shop, rather than the adventurer’s guild, she’s a member of the merchant’s
guild. She must have connections to sell the monsters’ remains.
The next
morning.
“Alright
then Vanir, I’ll leave the store in your care.”, At the entrance of the magic
tool shop stood Wiz with large backpack.
I thought
she was going to hunt for monsters near Axel but seems she’s ready for a longer
trip. There are only low-level monsters around town, guess most can’t be sold
for a lot.
“Hmm. If I’m
by myself I’ll turn this store into a large company in about five years, you
need not come back until then.”
“No, it’s my
shop! I’ll be here weather it goes bankrupt or hits it big!” While pleading to
Vanir, Wiz turned to look at Aqua and me, “I hope you are both well. I’m sorry,
but I won’t be around for a while, I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“We can’t
have sweets and tea without you Wiz, please come back before we starve.”
“Stop using
this shop as a café.”
With a small
chuckle, Wiz turned to Vanir again, “Well then, I’ll be taking off. Please take
care of the daikon radish I’m growing in the back of the shop, make sure to
water it every morning.”
“Ah, yes,
your food. I’ll look after it, and if it matures while you’re gone, I won’t let
it escape.”
Wiz nodded
and took a step forward.
Then she
took a step back and turned to face Vanir again, “…don’t give it too much
water. Also make sure it doesn’t get too much sunlight either, ok?”
“Yes, yes,
the woman next door knows about plants, if there are any problems I’ll ask her.
Don’t worry and just go.”
Wiz nodded
and took a step forward.
Then she
took a step back and turned to face Vanir again, “…what will you eat while I’m
gone? Do you have anyone else to feed off?”
“Just go, you
useless shop owner! And don’t come back until you raise the funds you spent!”
“At least
try to pretend you’re going to miss me! I’ll do it, I’ll raise the funds right
away!”
And with
that, Wiz left town, looking back after every step.
Part 3
That night,
after dinner.
We were discussing
the events of the day in the mansion’s living room.
“—and that’s
why Wiz left for a while. Vanir is running the store now, be careful to not get
on his bad side. It’s best if you avoid going there all together.”
“Who do we
think we are? We won’t make fun if that devil without Aqua or Wiz around. We’ll
mess with him after she returns.”
“You’re
already cursed Megumin, don’t mess with him even if both Aqua and Wiz
are with you.”
Megumin
trembled at Darkness's words.
Vanir cursed
her for breaking his demon ring, days of not being able to cast explosion is
causing some sort of trauma on her.
“W-well, it’s
not like I have time to waste, or money for that matter, haha… hey Kazuma,
Kazuma!”
“I gave you
your allowance already, I won’t give you more money.”
Megumin left
for her room in defeat. Then, Aqua got behind me and started giving me a
shoulder massage I didn’t ask for.
“Kazuma,
recently you’ve become ever so slightly toned. Maybe because you’re getting
older, of maybe you’re leveling up. You also started to very faintly become
handsome, if this keeps up you may get minuscule popularity with women.”
“Are you
supposed to be flattering me? I won’t give you any more money either.”
The next
day.
“Welcome,
welcome! Today’s item is a must have, an antidote that no adventurer party
should lack! It’s for a very low price because it’s nearing its expiration
date!”
“Hmm, it’s
certainly cheap, and antidotes are always handy, but if it’s expiring soon,
then there’s no point in buying it, is it?”, “That’s right. Besides, venomous
monsters are rare around here…”
I went to
check out the magic tool shop and found Vanir with a table in front of the
store shouting in a powerful voice to the wandering adventurers.
“Yes, yes,
of course I understand. However, this is a special clearance sale, all goods
will also come with a bonus!”
“I don’t want
it, doesn’t matter if it comes with a freebie—”
Vanir then
pasted a photo on the antidote bottle, “For every five antidotes, you’ll
receive a very nice photograph[1] of
the clumsy magic tool shop owner.”
“Give me
five.”, “Five please!”, “You can’t be lacking antidotes when on a quest, I’ll
take ten just in case!”
I rushed to Vanir
while he was being swarmed by the nearby male adventurers, “I’ll take five too.
Ah, Wiz looks so cute here; I’ll keep my mouth shut just this time!”
“It’s unwise
to threaten a devil, young man who would turn pale if his cursed joke mage finds
out about this photograph. However, if you’re willing to purchase it, I’ll
overlook it for now.”
I didn’t
just want the photo; antidotes are essential to adventurers.
“If you have
other good products, I’ll be sure to come again.”
“Make sure
to came back every day, lustful young man. For the entire week, this special
clearance sale will continue, with new bonuses every day!”
“I’ll be back!” yelled a chorus of male adventurers.
Later.
“Here’s
today’s product! Its ordinary canned food, essential to all adventurers,
because it’s soon to expire it’s another clearance sale! Of course, as a bonus
to those who purchase five cans, a photograph of a rain-soaked shop owner is
included.”
“Five cans
please!”, “I’m always hungry when questing, I’ll take five!”
As they
said, canned food is essential when on adventures.
“Give me
five cans too. This is a nice photo of Wiz, but don’t you have something with a
little more oomph?”
“Hmm? You
want something stronger? In that case, there’s another bonus for those who
purchase ten or more cans…”
“Ten
please”, asked several male adventurers at once.
Vanir was a
little unnerved as he handed over the photos to us who answered immediately.
I flipped
through the photos with anticipation…
“Fuahahahahahahaha!
Were you expecting a photograph of the clumsy shop owner that was more
revealing? Unfortunately, it’s just stronger photograph of the shopkeeper, one
of her wearing powerful armor—!” Vanir laugh as he handed the final few
photographs, but then suddenly fell silent, “…I don’t feel any negative
emotions, don’t tell me you like it?”
The clearance
sale continued for a few more days.
“Here are
today’s products! Some rocks, customers that purchase at least five will get an
envelope containing a random selection of photographs! You could get
photographs of the nearby restaurant owner, or perhaps that of the owner of the
water shop, or even the cleaning shop owner! A few envelopers also contain a
rare photograph, that of the clumsy magic tool shop owner!”
“You can’t
be a true adventurer without owning a few rocks, I’ll take five please.”, “One
can never have too many rocks, give me fifteen please!”, “You can use rocks to
distract or attack monsters, they’re very useful! Hey, Kazuma, you use a bow,
you don’t need any!”
“I’m a very
cautious person that does everything possible to avoid risks. Naturally, I
carry fifty arrows with me, but just in case I run out, I’ll take fifty rocks.”
Until the
final day.
“Welcome!
Here is today’s product! It may look like an ordinary clock, but it’s a special
alarm clock that wakes you with the sexy voice of the shop owner! I carefully
recorded and edited her voice. It’s an auction!”
“10.000 Eris!”,
“20.000 Eris!”, “35.000 Eris!”
The alarm
clock was rapidly rising in value. Vanir was laughing in a good mood as the
auction heated up, “Fuahahahahahaha! Thank you, thank you for participating! …tell
me young man, are you not going to join in? This is a very rare item that will
only be available today!” Vanir called out to me; I was just watching.
Without Wiz
around Vanir finally seized the opportunity to turn this shop into a profitable
business, he’s been selling nonstop for days.
“Vanir, I
already figured out your plan. You’re not going to be selling the good stuff
now, you’re saving them for the end, I’ll save my money for that.”
“You have a
good eye, young man who has spent a small fortune the past few days. After all
this time you at no point attempted to stop me.”
“Hey, if you
were doing some kind of dangerous business I would’ve stopped you days ago, but
this is not dangerous at all! Besides, look at the faces of everyone here, they
all have sparks on their eyes. Your business is making plenty of people happy,
why would I interfere with that?”
“…I see, I
wasn’t expecting you to say such ridiculous words with a straight face. But if
you don’t interfere, that’s perfectly fine.” Vanir then looked around, as if he
just noticed something, “By the way, ever since Wiz left on her journey, I
haven’t seen the woman of misfortune that usually accompanies you. I was sure
she’d interfere…”
“I took care
of her. I knew she’d bother us, so I gave her money to go drinking. As an
adventurer I have to protect everyone’s happiness.”
“…I’ll give
you a sexy poster of the shop owner as a reward for your work.”
I helped,
not because of my interests, but because of everyone else’s, it was selfless
work. Nonetheless, I accepted the poster as a personal gift, not as any kind of
payment.
While I was
busy hiding it in my back pocket…
“L-L-L-L-Lord
Vanir!” A very familiar looking girl was rushing in our direction while calling
out to Vanir.
Everyone
around, including me, recognize her and quietly moved out of her way.
“What’s the
problem? As you can see, I’m busy. If it’s not a big deal, leave.”
“It is a big
deal, Lord Vanir! You see, the problem is…”
The short pink
haired girl that works at a shop I often visit arrived looking very concerned.
“Everyone
here knows your true identity, no need to worry.”, “Miss, if it’s that serious,
we all are willing to help!”, “If there’s anything wrong at the shop, I’ll lend
you my full strength!”
That’s
right, she’s a succubus. She was hesitant to explain, seems she realized that
everyone here are regulars.
“L-Lord
Vanir… the dungeon run by our allies has been attacked and is on the verge of falling!”
After she
explained with tears on her eyes, Vanir snorted in frustration, “Of what allies
are you talking about? Running a dungeon means luring adventurers with the
promise of treasure and glory to take their lives as sustenance. Sure, there
are a lot of rough-and-tumble adventurers who don't even take a bath, but that
is how it is. A dungeon master should never ask for help, they should stay
until the spectacular end.”
Was the
comment about not bathing necessary?
…did he mean
anybody here?
The girl seemingly
understood that Vanir wouldn’t help, she didn’t give in any further and looked
down while trying to hide her tears.
“If you
can’t get Vanir to help, why not ask someone else? That dungeon is run by a
succubus, right? We’ll gladly help!”
The girl
suddenly looked up and faced Vanir. His mouth curled into a grin, as if to tell
her to go ahead. Even if he doesn’t intend to lend a hand, its fine to lure adventurers
with her charms and use us to save the dungeon.
Her face lit
up and she hurriedly replied, “Y-yes, the dungeon is run by one of our seniors,
you may know her, she used to work at the shop!”
The
atmosphere turned serious, as if a demon king general suddenly attacked town. I
guess its natural after all, everybody here is weak to women’s tears.
“However,
we’d have to fight other adventurers, this could get serious…”, “That’s right,
a dungeon raid is something that is handsomely rewarded by the guild, just interfering
can cause hefty fines. In that case, let’s just help the dungeon master escape…”,
“Where is the dungeon anyway? Will we arrive on time? She said it was on the
verge of falling.”
A few adventurers
were having doubts, though it’s obvious that most have decided to go.
“The dungeon
is near the Royal Capital! If we use teleport we’ll be there in no time, the
entrance is right by the teleportation spot—” she took a big breath, “—your
help is needed in the Labyrinth of Desire, a very famous dungeon that every
male adventurer knows!”
Part 4
A crowd of
adventurers rushed through the Royal Capital into a dungeon.
“Hurry, we
can’t let this dungeon fall, its filled with every man’s dream!”, “Damn, it’s
my dream to come here with a female adventurer someday!”, “That’s every man’s
dream! Aaaargh! I wanted to challenge this place with a cute girl, not a bunch
of rugged male adventurers!”, “Whoever is challenging the dungeon is definitely
a woman! No male adventurer would want this place to fall!”
Everyone was
shouting, apparently this place is quite famous.
Also…
“Vanir, why
did you come? I thought you didn’t care about the succubae…”
“Hmm? I’m
concerned that without my presence you wouldn’t be able to stop the dungeon’s
challenger.”
“Does that
mean the challenger is a very strong, high-level adventurer? I guess you could
help but—” I turned my attention to the adventurer running ahead of me, “—Hey,
is this a well-known dungeon?”
“You don’t
know Kazuma? I can’t believe you, and you’re in a party with only girls. You
heard what the succubus said earlier, right? Every male adventurer knows about
this place, this dungeon is full of lewd traps.”
I heard her,
but what does ‘lewd trap’ mean? Monsters that melt clothes, traps that span
demonic slimes?
“I guess you
really don’t know, I’ll tell you. There are traps in this dungeon that will
only activate on couples. To escape, they must follow the naughty instructions
given by the dungeon master. It’s said that—”
“We MUST NOT
let this place fall!”
Aqua said
she’ll never come into a dungeon with me again after I left her alone with a
lot of monsters in one, and Megumin doesn’t like dungeons because she can’t use
explosion magic inside. Guess I’d have to come with the perverted masochist.
“It’s
natural for adventurers to challenge a dungeon. Once we get back, I’ll invite a
friend and give it a try.”
“Ah, yes, do
that. By the way, there’s an unspoken agreement among male adventurers to never
challenge the dungeon master. By the time you get there, you and your friend
will have become more than that and most likely won’t want to anyway.”
It’s not
like I want to get that close to Darkness, but if it’s an accident caused by a
trap, then it can’t be helped.
I’d like to
know what the ‘naughty instructions’ are, but it’s clear this is a dungeon that
perverts would like to frequent.
Also, if I
insist I didn’t know, then I should be able to avoid potential problems in
court…
“Hey, what’s
going on?” The adventurer at the lead raised his voice.
Peeking from
behind I saw a huge hole at the center of the dungeon’s main chamber. Did the
challenger make it as a shortcut?
“Has anyone
heard of something like this before? The only way to open a hole this big is
using explosion magic—but then the caster should be laying around here
somewhere.”
“How did
they get down there anyway? There are no ropes or ladders around and we can’t
see the bottom from up here. Besides, there has to be some very dangerous
monsters down there. Going after using explosion magic seems suicidal.”
Hearing
them, I got a very bad feeling.
An
adventurer who can still move after using explosion magic…
No male
adventurer would go to the bottom of the dungeon, the challenger must be a
woman…
Someone who
can leap from tall heights without getting hurt…
Physical
attacks don’t work on liches…
“Vanir,
don’t tell me—”
“Hush, young
man who is still thinking who to challenge this dungeon with. Let’s just go and
retrieve that thing quickly.”
“W-wait,
there’s no need for us to go first!”
“It’ll be
easier to persuade if you’re with me. You’ve come this far; you’ll have to go
all the way to the bottom.”
Vanir kicked
me into the hole before I could react; the last thing I saw before the darkness
engulfed me was a huge grin on his face.
I would’ve
died had I not used my trusty sword to slow down the fall and landed on
something soft.
Just how many
times do I have to die by falling? And this time Aqua isn’t around to revive
me…
This must be
the lowest level of the dungeon, I landed on a dried-up monster, seems it got
absorbed by Drain Touch.
As I was
catching my breath, an explosion echoed from the depths of the previously
silent dungeon. After I rushed to see what happened I heard some voices.
“Please
don’t do it miss! I beg you! I worked so hard on this dungeon!”
“I-I’d like
to let you go, but I have my own problems, I’m sorry!”
Wiz stood in
front on a crying succubus sitting on the ground. She was slowly getting
closer, holding her right hand forward.
This must’ve
been the room where the dungeon master resides, the entrance has been blown up
and there’s debris everywhere.
“A woman
coming here means that the dungeon’s secret is finally known? I’ll close it for
today, just please miss, don’t do it!”
“Eh, um, I
don’t really know anything about this place… I just need money, was looking for
a dungeon and just happened to find it…”
Lucky, seems
Wiz doesn’t know about this dungeon’s reputation.
“Y-you just
came for treasure then? I understand, I’ll give you all the treasures I have,
just please spare my life!”
“Oh, I can’t
just take it like that, loot is gained fairly after conquering the dungeon!”
If this
continues, then the boss succubus will be slain. I was thinking about how to
stop Wiz until my Sense Foe skill went crazy behind me. Too scared to move I stood
by as Vanir walked past me.
“Just what
are you doing embezzling shop owner? Is this what you’ve been up to all this
time?”
“V-Vanir!?
Kazuma too?”
“Lord
Vanir!”
Wiz was
surprised and the succubus started crying.
“Normally I
wouldn’t intervene, but as my subordinates are running this dungeon—” Wiz
stopped right as she was about to kill the succubus. “—I’ll stop you. It was me
who sent you to raise funds, in a way, this is my fault.”
“But Vanir,
what about the money I spent…”
“Without you
around I managed for the store to turn a profit. Besides, I don’t need my
allies killing each other. Come one, clumsy shop owner, let’s go home.”
“A-are you
sure Vanir? I’m glad to go back, but—” Wiz hesitated for a bit, but quickly
chased after Vanir. “—Wait, did you call me an ally? You didn’t just refer to
the succubus, right? Even though you’re usually so curt Vanir, that’s so
tsundere!”
“I changed
my mind; you may come back in five years.”
“Haha, I was
just teasing you! …you were joking right? I can finally go back, right!?”
Wiz anxiously
shouted as she chased after Vanir.
Did they
forget about me? I still can’t move from the fright…
Part 5
The succubae
thanked us for saving their friend by inviting us to dinner at a fancy
restaurant in the capital. Wiz ate as if she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks.
We arrived
back at Axel the following afternoon.
“Come, come!
The magic tools are first come, first served! One insect exterminating doll per
customer! With it you won’t have to fear the Great Kings of Terror anymore. It’s
yours for just 50.000 Eris!”
We headed
back to the shop, and for some reason Aqua was selling goods without
permission.
Normally I
would’ve wondered what the heck she was doing…
“What on
earth is happening? The shop… the dolls Wiz made are selling like crazy!”
Vanir’s voice trembled as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.
Wiz, on the
other hand, puffed out her chest in satisfaction, “See Vanir, I told you! I
told you they’d sell well! Look at the customers, they all look so happy!”
The last doll
was sold right before Wiz.
Vanir smiled
bitterly, “I guess you could call this a happy accident. You’re so powerful
that my all-seeing eye can’t see your future. I never thought that junk would
sell so well—”
“Stop
calling them junk! They’re cute and useful dolls!” Wiz said as she began
playfully punching Vanir.
But I still
can’t make sense of it…
“Why would
anyone want a doll with a self-destruct function? I don’t get it, why are they
selling so well?”
Aqua
approached us with a satisfied look on her face, “Seems like a large amount of Great
Kings of Terror appeared in the sewers, but nobody wants to take on the quest to
clear them out because how dangerous there are. I came to the store and found
dozens of these dolls, then started thinking—”
“N-no!
that’s not how they’re meant to be used! They’re cute cleaning dolls!”
“Fuahahahahaha!
I knew it had to be something like this, fuahahahahaha!”
Those Kings
of Terror Aqua mentioned are cockroach-like monsters in this world. Unlike
cockroaches, they are very dangerous, not only are their attacks quite painful,
they’re also vengeful. If you kill one of them, the entire nest will attack you
while you sleep.
Guess the
dolls are resistant to their attacks.
“Nonetheless,
you made them Wiz, congratulations. From now onwards you may also eat bread!”
“A-are you
not toying with me Vanir? I can finally eat more than just potatoes and
oysters!?”
“Anyway, they
were all sold. I’ll take a 10.000 Eris fee per insect exterminating doll.”
“What are
you saying, greedy woman? We won’t pay you more than 500 Eris per insect
exterminating doll.”
“Both of
you, please stop calling them insect exterminating dolls!”
Later.
A very well-known
blonde delinquent kicked open the shop’s door, “Mr.
Vaniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir! You’re so cruel, while I was
busting my ass completing quests and getting drunk, I heard you sold so many
goods of the beautiful shop owner. Everyone else has been bragging about them!
We’re friends aren’t we, if you have any left, please share them!”
While we
were celebrating selling out the insect exterminating dolls, Dust suddenly
appeared to ruin our mood.
“…I heard
you went on a journey to earn some money you embezzled, guess you’re back.” He
told Wiz, finally realizing she returned.
“Y-yes Dust,
in back. Please tell me in detail, what goods are you talking about?”
Before I
could think of a way to get rid of him, the guy who can’t read the room spoke
up, “Nobody wanted to tell me details, but apparently this masked devil sold
some sort of naughty goods of you! You’re very popular, everyone has many and I
want some too!”
Part 6
The top of a
hill nearby Axel was enveloped in a strange atmosphere.
Broken
pieces of a frozen body of Vanir were lying next to Wiz. Seems they’re about to
go for real.
“Come one
Vanir! Don’t think of me as when I was a human!”
“Fuahahahahaha!
I used to tease you a lot back then, show me how much you’ve improved. I doubt
you’ll last long.”
While Wiz
began chanting magic loudly, Vanir took a stance and attacked quickly, “Vanir-Style
Death Ray!”
“Create Earth
Wall!”
Vanir’s
attack was blocked by a wall that rose from the ground. Further chanting could
be heard from the other side, “Cursed Necromancy!”
In the
distance something huge appeared. An undead giant frog, she should be able to
summon many around Axel.
“Are you
planning on summoning undead while holed up behind that mud wall? Zombie frogs
are no issue, no matter how many you summon—”
“Cursed
Necromancy!”, Wiz cast the spell again and a second undead frog appeared.
“As expected,
are you planning on overwhelming me with quantity—?”
“Cursed Necromancy!”
Vanir
remained unfazed as the three undead frogs approached him, just as they were
ready to attack…
“Turn
Undead!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
Before any
could land an attack, Aqua got rid of them all. The range of her attack was so
large than even Wiz was affected.
“I forbid
you from summoning undead in my presence! One penalty for Wiz!”
“Uhhhhhhh…” A faint moan could barely be heard from behind
the earth wall.
“Fuahahahahaha!
Well then, it’s my turn now, I’ll give you a taste of your own attack.
Low-class devils, answer my call and come—!”
“Sacred Exorcism!”
Vanir collapsed
to the ground once Aqua released her demon slaying spell. The few devils that
appeared alongside him were vanquished before they could move.
The mask
fell off his crumbling body, another one rose from the ground not long after.
“What are
you doing, obstructing woman who can’t read the room!”
“You are
forbidden from summoning devils in me presence! One penalty for you too!”
A voice
echoed from behind the earth wall, “Lighting Strike!”
“Hmm?”
A bolt of
lightning suddenly fell from the cloudless sky and impacted Vanir directly.
“Create
Earth Golem!”
The wall Wiz
hid behind took a humanoid shape; a three-meter-tall golem rose. She looked a
little faint, must’ve been because of Aqua’s attack.
“…even
though it was a surprise attack, that did real damage.”
“Fufufu,
this is what happens when a lich gets serious Vanir! I’m going all out!” Wiz
began to chant magic, as Vanir took the stance for the death ray again. In
response, the golem moved to block Vanir’s line of fire.
“Don’t use
such troublesome tactics! Fine, I’ll show you the power of a great devil that
has lived for a long time!”
“Let’s
decide which is better, lich or devil! Cursed Lightning!”
Part 7
The terrain
had completely changed, the hill turned into a crater. The battle between the
two has raged for a long time.
At first,
Wiz used the golem as a shield, but was overpowered by Vanir’s constant attacks.
She fought as she could but was quickly running out of mana.
She
challenged Vanir to a close quarter fight to try to use Drain Touch, but he
kept his distance and attacked with his death ray.
The golem became
a pile of rubble after Vanir used his Destruction Ray, Wiz looks even more
faint.
“Aaaaaaaaaaah!
I won’t lose, I won’t lose today!”
“Fuahahahaha!
Just admit your defeat, loser shop owner. I’ll give you credit for lasting so
long, but your victory is impossible. Stop wasting energy and return to the
shop, you need to manufacture more insect exterminating dolls!”
The fight is
mostly over, but despite being covered in wounds, Wiz hasn’t given up. Vanir,
on the other hand, had big smile and didn’t seem tired at all.
“You’re very
strong Vanir. As I am now, I don’t feel like I can win.”
“You finally
admit defeat? You fought well, today’s victory is mine yet again. But if we
fight in another hundred years, I’m not so confident I will be able to win.”
Vanir give Wiz an odd compliment.
However, Wiz
shook her head as she took something out of her pocket, “No, this battle isn’t
over yet. I wanted to fight with my strength alone, but that won’t be enough.”
Vanir’s
triumphant expression suddenly stiffened. His eyes were glued to what Wiz was
holding.
A chunk of
manatite, a rare but powerful mineral that can give mages near unlimited mana,
even if its temporary.
“With this,
I’ll be serious Vanir! Cursed Lightning!” Grasping the manatite, Wiz unleashed
an attack.
Vanir
awkwardly dodged it, “Calm down Wiz, let’s talk. Is that the high-quality
manatite I purchased last month? It was stored in a locked warehouse; how did
you manage to bring it here?” He spoke in a way that couldn’t hide his
agitation.
“Any good
mage can crack a lock, you know? I’m grateful you bought this; I’ll make good
use of it!” Wiz was now quite confident.
Vanir,
however, was clearly mad, “I didn’t buy it so you could waste it! Now that the
battle with the Demon King’s army is increasing in intensity, I bought it
expecting it to rise in value!”
“No matter
what you say, I’ll use it! If I don’t, I won’t be able to defeat you—”
“Alright
then, let’s call this a draw for now. Isn’t there a saying among humans?
Fighting, or revenge is pointless, something along those lines?”
“No, I’m
angry! I can’t accept that now! If I don’t teach you a lesson, you’ll sell
something weird again— Cursed Crystal Prison!” Wiz retorted, the manatite chunk
glowing as she cast magic.
Vanir kept
avoiding Wiz’s attacks, they shouldn’t be much of a threat to him. Yet whenever
she used magic, his face turned pale.
“Kazuma,
Kazuma! That devil is made of dirt, yet his skin is somehow turning whiter and
whiter!”
“It’s really
odd to see the ever-carefree Vanir so anxious. I’d like to see him cornered a
little more often.”
“You jokers,
stop saying such carefree things and stop this wasteful shop owner!” Vanir
desperately yelled, but Wiz’s magic onslaught was drowning out his voice.
“Manatite is
so useful! I should stock up on it! At least give me some credit Vanir, unlike
last time, I didn’t bring the highest quality—Inferno!”
“The price
of manatite is constantly fluctuating, it’s dangerous for an amateur like you
to trade it!”, perhaps for him this was enough. Vanir raised his hand while
engulfed in flames, “I admit defeat! There’s no need to keep fighting. I also
apologize for selling naughty goods of you.”
“Lightning
Strike! I still have plenty of energy left, I won’t accept a surrender. I will earn
my victory—Create Earth Golem!”
As another
lightning struck Vanir, the earth beneath him swelled and another earth golem
rose. The rapid-fire attacks were so bad that he had a hard time reforming his
body.
“You stubborn
shop owner! Why are you so hellbent on winning!? Enough, I don’t want you to
keep wasting that manatite, I’ll have to utterly defeat you!”
“It’s no use
to get like that now! Besides, the sun is about to go down, a lich’s power
increases at night—Light of Saber!”
“Night is
when us devils are overflowing with power, I will finish this pointless fight
in no time!”
Wiz summoned
a shining sword as Vanir was boxing with the golem.
“Kazuma,
Kazuma! Liches and devils are the same as NEETs, reaching their height of their
powers at night! No wonder you get along so well with them.”
“It’s a good
thing they’re so focused on the fight that they can’t hear you.”
Wiz used the
sword to cut off one of Vanir’s arms, his eyes glowing brightly as he jumped
back.
“Vanir-Style
Death Ray!”
“Cursed
Crystal Prison!”
Even though
Wiz was struck directly, she had a big smile, seems like she’s enjoying this,
“Vanir! This is just like how we fought in the depths of that dungeon long ago!”
I’m not sure
if he heard her as right then his body was turned to ice and then exploded.
Another body
rose from the ground, his mask now showing very visible cracks, “Back then, you
were still dignified, why did you become such a pain!? Is this the fate of
humans who fall into darkness…” He said in disgust.
“Please
don’t say that! I don’t regret becoming a lich!” Wiz raised her voice, pulling
a bunch of manatite chunks from her pockets.
“W-wait a
moment—do you know how much all that manatite is worth!?” Vanir’s mouth
twitched, his voice trembling.
“I don’t
care! Just… after I use all of this, I’ll be sure to feel satisfied!”
“Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!”
The battle
between the lich and the great devil continued until dawn, by then Wiz used up all
the manatite. Vanir vowed to never sell naught goods of her again…
However, the
cost of the manatite Wiz used exceed the profits from the sale of her naughty goods
and all the insect exterminating dolls combined.
[1] In the
original version Vanir calls it a bromide. A type of voyeur photograph of a celebrity.
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I'm curious about how many vanir died in that battle
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