Credits
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Part 1
Nighttime.
All the lights
go out and everyone’s asleep. Well, almost everyone, I was still awake.
Suddenly,
there was a knock on my window.
…
I ignored it
and kept reading a book; it’s titled “The tortoise and the hare”. Because it
has the same name as a fable on earth, I thought it was the same story, but as
I kept reading, it became increasingly strange…
(Lowly
assistant, your light is still on. I know you’re not asleep yet!)
A hare and a
tortoise were in a race. The hare rushed forward with great enthusiasm,
overcoming a mountain and a river, leaving the tortoise far behind.
(Lowly
assistant let me in! It’s cold outside…)
However, the
hare realized that the turtle set him up. The race was to be an ultra-long-distance
race without any breaks. Even the fastest hare from the Murder Hare Tribe would
need a week to finish it, but it was racing against a Fortress Tortoise, which
could store large amounts of food and water on their shell.
By the time
the tortoise caught up with the hare, collapsed by exhaustion on the side of
the road, he said, “I can carry you to the finish line, for the low price of—”
(Lowly
assistant! It’s raining too, open!)
Just as
things were starting to get exciting, the banging on the window got loud enough
that I had to open it.
“What is the
ruckus at this hour, sir? Please come and see me during business hours through
the front door.”
“Do you know
why would I come at this hour!? Ugh, it’s cold…”
It was Chris,
the chief of the Masked Thief Brigade. She looked around the room, noticing the
book on my bed.
“Were you
reading this so intently that couldn’t hear me? I got important news!” She stared
at me intently.
Not caring
much, I picked another book, “Books in this world are interesting. On this one,
‘The Ugly Orc’, the bullied orc is actually an ogre. After he grows up and goes
on a journey for revenge—”
“I don’t
care! We need to talk about Darkness!” Chris said with an unusually serious
tone while I kept reading the book’s synopsis, “Her family may have a sacred
treasure.”
A sacred
treasure is a cheat item given to a reincarnated person from Japan, something
that only the person who received it can fully use. However, many are still
dangerous even if not used by that person.
“I was tracking
a sacred treasure through the black market but seems a noble acquired it.”
“And you
thought of Darkness? If it’s so dangerous, I’m sure she’d just give it you if
you ask.”
Darkness is
a reasonable person, I’m sure if we explain the situation she’d comply.
“I’m afraid
that is not possible.” For some reason, Chris’ cheeks turned red as she
grumbled.
“Why not? Is
it something Darkness would want that much? What is it anyway?”
“Well, it’s
a bit difficult to explain… Let’s just say it’s a sacred treasure that Darkness
should never, EVER, use.”
Chris was
blunt, however if it’s so dangerous I don’t think Darkness would misuse it.
That said…
“I haven’t
forgotten about the body-swap necklace, I fully understand the danger of sacred
treasures. For the sake of Darkness, I’ll help you.” I said smiling, to
reassure Chris.
“Ah… Thank
you lowly assistant! To get Darkness back to the right path, we’ll definitely
get it back!”
Part 2
Chris and I
were arguing in front of a particularly large mansion in Axel's noble district.
(Hey, lowly
assistant, why is security so tight? Is it because you broke into Darkness’
house before?)
(If you had
been in my position, I’m sure you would’ve done the same!)
I did all
right, she left the party and I had to take extreme measures to get her back.
Seems like the incident caused an increase in security around the area.
Looking at
her house from the shadows it’s clear that the surrounding fence is higher,
there’s also several lights and two patrolling guards.
(Lowly
assistant, what do we do? The fence is too high to climb, and we’ll be spotted while
looking for another entrance. Even if I use my stealth skills, it seems
impossible.) Chris whispered with a troubled look.
But she’s forgetting
I’m Kazuma Satou, best known for my cunning planning ability if nothing else, we’ll
be fine.
I raised my
finger to show I had an idea, (How about catching kobolds outside the city and
releasing them in front of the mansion? If monsters appear in the city, it will
cause a big fuss, and while the guards are busy dealing with them, we sneak in—)
(That’s no
good! Think of something else!)
I thought it
was a good idea, apparently not.
I raised
another finger, (How about we get a drunk to make a fuss in front of the
mansion? Then break in while the guards deal with them. If we pay for the
drink, I’m pretty sure someone will accept—)
(Don’t get
strange people involved! Next!)
In that
case, I have a third idea, (Let’s submit a request at the guild. Have someone
shout ‘Lalatina!’ over and over in front of the mansion. I think everyone at
the guild would be amused—)
(Darkness
will get furious if we do that! Everything will be ruined!)
Another
great plan, yet another rejection.
(How about
one of us gets the guards’ attention and runs away while the other one breaks
in? Let’s decide with rock, paper, scissors.)
For once
rather than immediately rejecting my genius ideas, Chris looked stunned for a
moment.
(Um… lowly
assistant, are you serious? I’m the goddess of luck, you know? Even if I’m in
this body, there’s no way I can lose.)
I burst out
laughing, (Do you know what level I am at now? You’ll get knocked off your feet
by being so overconfident.)
(Oh really? Those are fighting words, lowly assistant. Okay then, let’s do it!)
The sun set
hours ago; the town was sound asleep.
It’s a particularly
chilly night, I’m glad to have a stove in the corner of my room. I’m cooking
some rice cakes, I’ll read for a while before they’re done.
(Lowly
assistant! Lowly assistant! We need to talk, open the window!)
Tonight’s
pick is titled “The Complete Guide to Elves”, a book that would certainly pique
the interest of all elf lovers in Japan.
[Elves are
roughly divided into two groups, forest elves and prairie elves.]
(Lowly
assistant, I know you’re in there! Don’t underestimate my sensing skills!)
[In the
vast, open prairies, a unique species of elves thrives. Known as the Prairie
Elves, they are a hunting tribe, their name derived from their habitat. Living
on land devoid of trees, their skin bores a natural tan, a testament to their
adaptation to their environment.
The first
emperor of the Suzuki Empire, Hikoichi Suzuki, upon encountering these elves
for the first time, was struck by their dark complexion. Intrigued, he named
them 'Dark Elves,' a moniker that has endured to this day.]
“Dick move,
Suzuki. That guy was Japanese, for sure.”
(LOWLY
ASSISTANT!)
Ignoring the
banging on the window, I kept reading.
[Dark Elves are
primarily skilled at throwing spears, a technique they employ to hunt large
herbivorous animals. Their diet, rich in protein, contributes to their
excellent physique, making them more physically fit than their forest-dwelling
counterparts.]
(Lowly assistant
if you keep ignoring my orders I’ll have to act on my own! Have you forgotten
my unlocking skills?)
Without taking
my eyes away from the book, I turned my hand towards the noise, “Freeze!” the entire
windows, including the frame and curtains, turned to ice.
I turned the
page, ignoring whatever was happening outside the frozen window.
[In stark
contrast to the Prairie Elves, the Forest Elves inhabit the dense woodlands.
Their diet primarily consists of mushrooms and fruits, which they source from
trees. They are also skilled at hunting, using bows and arrows to bring down
their prey.
Despite
their shared elven heritage, the Forest Elves and the Dark Elves are not on
amicable terms. The Forest Elves, with their smaller physiques, often view the
Dark Elves with envy and suspicion due to their stark contrast in physical
prowess. This rivalry is further fueled by the fact that many Forest Elf women,
due to the cloth[1]
they use to handle their bows, have smaller breasts, in contrast with Dark Elf
women.]
(Lowly
assistant, your house is very nice, but the security is too lax. I can easily
break in with this simple lock—huh? Why is the lock frozen?)
[The Forest
Elves are known for their close friendships with certain humans. These humans,
with black hair, black eyes, and peculiar names. Despite their mysterious
origins, they are friendly towards the Forest Elves, who reciprocated the
sentiment. However, the Forest Elves are selective in their friendships, only
befriending vegetarians who were skilled at archery.]
(Lowly
assistant, your window is frozen! It may be cold, but it’s not winter yet, you
froze it, didn’t you?!)
Then, Chris
did something outrageous, pulling out a dagger and scratching the window.
(Lowly
assistant, I won’t get mad if you just let me in! With the frozen window it’s
really cold on the balcony!)
The sound of
the dagger scratching the window was making my skin crawl, I was forced to thaw
the ice using Tinder and let Chris in.
“What’s the
matter? I thought we did a great job yesterday, or at least I did. Did you not?”
I asked the shivering Chris.
“What are
you talking about? You lost; you should’ve been the decoy!”
“I was! As
the decoy, I bravely walked pass the guards, then met with Darkness after the
butler let me in.”
“You weren’t
a decoy; you were a guest! You were having tea and chatting with Darkness while
I went through so much trouble breaking into the house!”
No matter
what she says, I did a great job. I shrugged my shoulders while holding my
hands over the stove, “I had an alibi, you should’ve just continued your job
without worrying about me.”
“That’s
cheating lowly assistant! Had I been caught; I’d told everyone you were my
accomplice. Call it divine punishment!”
“Hey, stop
that. That kind of talk is not fit for a goddess. Wait, you couldn’t steal the
sacred treasure?”
“I went into
the treasure room, but didn’t find it…” without asking, Chris took a rice cake from
the stove and took a big bite, “Mmmmmh, this is yummy!”
Not to be
outdone, I picked another rice cake, dipped it in soy sauce and took a bite
too, “In that case, maybe another noble has it? Even so, if Darkness has it, I
doubt she’d do anything dangerous with it.”
“I thought
about that, but considering the power of the sacred treasure, I doubt anybody
but Darkness would pay so much for it.”
I put the
remaining rice cakes outside Chris’ range, “I think she mentioned getting an
expensive item last night, but what does the sacred treasure do? If you told me,
I could’ve talked it through with her.”
“As I said
before, I can’t tell you. But I’m completely sure that she’ll never let go off
it, regardless of what we tell her—”, as if guessing what I was planning she
then turned serious, “—lowly assistant, give me another rice cake!”
Part 3
We were
having another intense argument outside Dustiness manor.
(I was the
decoy last night, it’s your turn!)
(Lowly
assistants are supposed to listen to their chiefs! Look, security is tougher
than last night! It’d be bad if my head was on the line.)
Just as she
said, the mansion was on high alert for some reason. Definitely not because of
yesterday’s intrusion.
(What
happened? It’s not like they saw you last night, right?)
(They
didn’t. I went to the treasure room but didn’t take anything!)
The Masked
Thief Brigade has broken into several noble houses but hasn’t been spotted yet.
(I’m sure
you took something; it was you who told me it’d be a waste to break into a
treasure room and not take anything.)
(I didn’t
steal anything! We’re talking about Darkness’ family, not some corrupt noble! I
wouldn’t steal anything from my best friend!)
Said the
thief that is trying to steal from Dustiness manor.
(Then, did
you do anything else?)
(Darkness’
childhood album was in the treasure room, I took a look at it.)
That was
probably it.
(Darkness
father is an idiot. Why would you put such a personal item in the treasure
room, shouldn’t he keep it for himself?)
He almost
executed me before, so I get to call him an idiot. All I did was get Darkness
all wet and half-naked in front of him.
…now that I
think about it, I guess any nobleman would execute whoever did that to their
daughter.
(There
wasn’t anything special though… well except some pictures of a little Darkness
hiding a bed wetting blanket. I took those for myself, I may show them to you
later, lowly assistant.)
(You’re
having too much fun doing this, aren’t you? Anyway, that wasn’t the treasure,
why are they all riled up?)
(It’s more
than a treasure to her father. Throughout Dustiness manor there are many
paintings of Darkness…)
(That’s an unexpected
side of him.)
If I explain
the problem to them, things should be resolved quickly. I held my hand to Chris,
(Give me the photo, I’ll return it.)
(No, I’ll
use this anytime Darkness gives me a hard time. Either way, I don’t have it
with me, I carefully hid it in a place no one can find.)
(…I have a
feeling doing that won’t get her to back off.)
I wonder if
it’s possible to make copies, I’d like to keep some, just in case.
Anyway, it
won’t solve our predicament, there are three times as many guards on patrol, and
lights everywhere. It’ll be nigh impossible to break in.
(If we can’t
climb the fence, maybe getting in from beneath? Although I can use Create
Earth, I don’t have a skill to remove it. Why don’t we just sleep on it and try
again tomorrow?)
(Don't give
up so easily! There's always a way to get in!)
While I
quickly gave up, Chris gave instructions to follow her, wordlessly pointing to
a sewer entrance.
“No.”
(Lowly
assistant, lower your voice! We have no other way; we’ll have to take the
sewers.)
That may be
easy to say, (I know of creatures that could clean the sewers. Let’s go to the
forest, catch a bunch of slimes, and release them on the sewers. After about a
year they’ll be fully cleaned. Then we can go in.)
(We can’t do
that; it’d take too long! And if a slime climbs out of a toilet it’d cause a
huge problem!)
From manga I
figured using slimes to clean the sewers would be typical in this world. Ugh,
why is this place so inconsistent!
“Chief, I
have an idea! We can get the treasure without having to break into the manor.”
The next
day.
“KAZUMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
While I was
peacefully sleeping in my room, a furious Darkness came yelling.
“Whoa!? Why
are you here this early in the morning? You're supposed to knock when you enter
someone's room. I could’ve been doing things boys do in private!”
“I don’t
care about your privacy! You do perverted things at any place and any hour!” Darkness
showed me a piece of paper, “You really did it this time Kazuma, threatening a
noble? What were you thinking!? I’ll give you a lawyer, but you won’t escape
punishment.”
The paper in
question said:
[We’re
currently in possession of a Dustiness family treasure, that is, a photograph
of 5 year on Lady Lalatina. If you want it back, prepare the specified treasure.
After its ready, we’ll contact you again with instructions of how to do the
exchange.
-From a
group of mysterious thieves who are worried about the world.]
“What makes
you think I have anything to do with that!?”
“Thieves
broke into my home the night you suddenly arrived! There’s no doubt in my mind
you are involved!” She flatly declared, but judging by her wording, she doesn’t
have conclusive evidence.
“Are you
treating me like a criminal just because I visited a friend’s home? If you say
that you must have proof! Come one, show me proof!”
Darkness
snorted and laughed at my comment, “Proof? As a noble, my word alone is enough
to sentence you in court. If I were to declare ‘It was him’, that’d be enough
to have you executed!”
“That’s
abuse of your privileges! You’re being a coward, making the authorities do your
dirty work!”
“Y-You are
the coward for sending this letter! Rather, where’s your accomplice, where’s
Chris!? You must know where she is, tell me!”
The hardheaded
masochist tends to have good intuition sometimes.
“A-accomplice!?
I just wanted to see you, is that so wrong? We’re adults Darkness, its fine for
us to meet just the two of us, unless you’re afraid that I’ll seduce you
somehow, or will you seduce me—hey wait, that huuuuuuuuuuuurts!”
Darkness
pulled my cheeks so strongly that she was close to tearing them off, I
hurriedly tap her hands to try to get her to stop, to no avail.
“Is this
really the best time to let your mouth run off!? I bet Chris entered our
treasure room while you were distracting me. Now tell me where she is! Or I’ll
confiscate all your hidden treasures!”
“I-I don’t
know where she is! She always runs off on her own and appears unannounced. She
suddenly came in the middle of the night, through the window.”
It wasn’t
because I was afraid of losing my treasures, I sold out Chris because I
honestly had no idea where she was.
Darkness
softened her grip, “Now that I think about it, I’ve known Chris for a long
time, but I don’t know where she lives. She always comes through the window of
my room too!”
Part 4
That night.
There was a
tap on my window, a voice could be heard outside.
(Lowly
assistant, I got the photos. How is the treasure exchange going? Do you think
Darkness will go along with it—?)
Chris was
forcefully pulled into the room after the window suddenly opened.
“I don’t
think she will.”
“D-D-D-D-Darkness!?
Why are you here!?”
An angry
Darkness tossed Chris inside the room, she raised her voice, “This is my home,
why wouldn’t I be here? Come on Chris, give me the photos, and I’ll explain why
what you did was stupid.”
“L-lowly
assistant, you sold me out, didn’t you?” Chris screamed as Darkness forcefully
shook her.
I was lying
on the bed, “I can’t get up. I tried resisting, but Darkness perverted physical
interrogation was just too much for my body.”
“You’re
relaxing and reading a book!”, the crying Chris was forced to sit upright on
the carpet, “Wait, Darkness, I’ll confess. It was him who wrote the letter!”
“What!? It’s
cruel to sell out your subordinates, chief!
Brave of you to put the blame on me when raiding Darkness’ house was your plan
to begin with—!”
“Both of
you, shut up!” Darkness spoke like a mother stopping a fight between her
children.
“Yes ma’am.”
Chris and I replied in unison. I was also forced to sit on the carpet and
explain the situation.
“In other
words, there’s a sacred treasure in my house, so you tried to get it. Chris,
I’ve already told you, before recklessly going around like a thief, talk with
me. It’s not like I would do anything bad—” A now calmed Darkness was saying, “—I know you
have a hard time trusting nobles. I’ve heard sacred treasures have all kinds of
weird effects, but…”, she was looking at Chris a little sad, “I know I’m a
noble too, but won’t you believe in me? I swear Chris, you can trust me.”
“Darkness...”
Yes, the two
were having a serious conversation.
Unlike most
nobles I’ve met, Darkness is truly honorable, willing to take on huge debts to
help her people and always working hard for them.
“Why don’t
you tell her everything chief? Not even I know what the sacred treasure does,
you just said Darkness would never let go off it.”
“Lowly
assistant… That’s right. Darkness is my best friend; I should value her
friendship more than the sacred treasure. I’m sorry for doubting you.”
Hearing
Chris' apology, Darkness burst into laughter, “I don’t even know what it is. But
if it’s so bad, then I’ll give it to you.”
“It’s called
‘Slave Collar’, an item that forces the wearer to submit, and inflicts extreme
pain if they disobey their master’s orders.” Chris said with a gentle smile.
“…”
“Hey
Darkness, say something! You don’t want to keep that to yourself, do you?”
“Huh, what?
N-no, of course not. Why would I want something like that, hahahahahahaaaa…”
I knew it.
The moment Chris mentioned the sacred treasure’s name, Darkness’ eyes lit up.
An
enslavement item, common in manga. I doubt there’s another sacred treasure
Darkness would want more.
“I figured
you had it Darkness, but I may be wrong. Have you seen any suspicious looking collars
on your home? Its fine if you haven’t...” Seems like Chris picked up on
Darkness’ change of expression, she was getting suspicious too.
Darkness
looked at her seriously, “Ah, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, there’s no such thing in
my home… but could you tell me more details about it? J-just so I can avoid it!
What kind of pain does it inflict? What are the conditions? What happens if you
take it off? After—”
“Do not tell
her more.”
“Lowly
assistant, do you think we can trust her? Is the collar truly not on her
house…”
It was a bad
idea after all. Hopefully Darkness prioritizes her pride as a noble over her
masochist cravings. It’s definitely a dangerous item with her given its
effects.
“My heart
may have wavered for an instant, but you can trust me. Chris, you may believe
that no noble other than me would want it, but I don’t think that’s true. A
greedy noble that loves sexually harassing his maids would want it for sure.”
Darkness said with a serious expression, having noticed our obvious suspicion.
“Lowly
assistant, I was not wrong after all. All nobles are corrupt!”
“This world
would be better if all the nobles had their assets seized.”
Part 5
Darkness
raised her voice in front of a luxurious mansion, “Summon Baron Crank! I know
he’s at home right now! I’m going to exercise my authority as head of the
Dustiness family! Let me search through the treasure room!”
Behind
Darkness stood a small army of soldiers lined up in a row, Chris and I stood at
the very end.
“What do we
do lowly assistant? This is getting out of hand.”
“There’s
nothing we can do. It’s not up to us anymore.”
Darkness is
taking this very seriously.
“L-L-Lady
Dustiness, what is the meaning of this!?”, A close to tears chubby middle-aged
man covered in jewelry hurriedly emerged from the besieged mansion. Seems like
he’s the head of the house.
Darkness
looked down at the Baron with cold eyes before she started to belittle him,
telling him how he reeked of alcohol.
“I-I worked
extra hours yesterday, so I decided to have a little drink. Besides, isn’t it
rude to charge into a treasure room? I can’t think of any reasons why—” He
seemingly regained his composure a little and retorted.
Darkness
persistently accused him, “You can’t think of a reason? For a noble without any
lands, you seem to have quite an expensive lifestyle. I don’t think your income
quite matches up…”
“Well, that’s—I-I
receive regular support from my father, the marquess. There’s nothing wrong
with that!”
“It’s definitely
here!” Darkness screamed, holding the Baron by the collar, “I’ve heard you’re
buying and selling monsters for the marquess! You collect female monsters and
sell them for shady purposes, even if they’re monsters, that is not right at
all!”
Seems like
Darkness had a bone to pick with this guy, coming here was no coincidence.
While she believes she's doing some noble act, she’s just abusing her authority.
“W-What the
hell are you talking about! It’s true that we capture and trade monsters, but it’s
no shady business. We just capture monsters worth a lot of experience and sell
them—”
“DON’T LIE!”,
interrupted Darkness, screaming at the top of her lungs. Baron Crank turned
completely pale, “I know you sexually harass your maids under the guise of
discipline! There’s no way a man like you wouldn’t do obscene things to
captured monsters!”
“A-All
nobles sexually harass their maids, it’s a hobby to us all. You’re arrogant
Lady Dustiness, arrogant!”
He openly
admitted to sexual harassment…
“Enough! Search
the treasure room at once! There must be illegal items there!”
“T-There are
no such things! Stop!”
After she
gave the order, the soldiers walked pass the two and broke into the mansion as
the Baron desperately tried to break free from Darkness’ grasp.
A few
minutes later a soldier returned with an object in his hand, “Lady Dustiness! We
found this in the treasure room. Pure extract from Golden Duxions, prohibited
given how the species is endangered! There’s all sort of illegal items,
including tonics made from orc testicles…!”
In response,
Baron Crank fell to his knees in defeat. Chris and I looked at each other in surprise,
we were sure Darkness was just trying to falsely accuse him.
“There were
illegal items after all! You found other dangerous things, right? Like a
collar-shaped magic tool, or some item that inflicts pain!?”
“…no ma’am,
nothing like that. There were mostly supplements to increase experience or improve
stats.”
“…really…?”
“Hey
Darkness, you still have that odd look on your face.”
Despite her
ultimately righteous deed, Darkness looked very disappointed.
Later.
“This is a
warrant! Count Prelude, you are suspect of handling illegal items! Let us
search through your treasure room!”
“Lady
Dustiness!? A sudden investigation is a
cowardly move. I do not trade with any illegal items. However, I’ll be happy to
share some gelatinous slime powder…”
Darkness
kept targeting the houses of nobles surrounded by bad rumors.
“Baron
Karpas! We will search through your house! I believe you are aware of the
reason?”
“Lady
Dustiness, what is the meaning of this!? If it’s for taxes you came, I’ll have
you informed I have an incurable disease that inflicts stomachaches, nausea,
back pain, and insomnia when I pay taxes—”
“Empty the
contents of the treasure room!”
And it kept
going.
“L-Lady
Dustiness!? We have high quality magically enhanced slimes; many have strong
tentacles! We can sell them to connoisseurs of erotic monsters like—”
“Silence
that woman! All illegal monsters in the facility will be temporarily kept at the Dustiness state! —K-Kazuma, why are
you looking at me like that? If you have something to say, do it!”
Even by sunset.
“Viscount
Primo! You are currently—Ah! He ran away, after him!”
“We’ll
capture the Viscount, the rest rush into the mansion!”
“Look, there
are tranquility girls planted all over the garden! What was that old man
thinking by raising such dangerous monsters in the city?!”
“Herbicide!
Bring some herbicide!”
She was
successfully chasing down all nobles doing illegal activities.
Part 6
“…is this my
fault? I’ve never seen Darkness go so far.”
“Don’t worry
Chris, even if we didn’t find the sacred treasure all those nobles were under
investigation anyway. The truth would’ve broken out sooner or later.” Replied
Darkness to the uncharacteristically withdrawn Chris.
“That’s
right, if anything you did a great job Darkness. Capturing so many corrupt
nobles.”
Chris
frowned at us in disgust, “Lowly assistant, aren’t you trying to put all of
this on me, aren’t you?”
“I’m just an
assistant, the chief takes all the credit.”
We were now
in front of a particularly luxurious mansion, and that’s even for the noble
district.
Darkness’
army kept pressing on while the soldiers of all other noble houses were looking
very nervous.
As to assure
her troops she began to say, “Great work everyone; I’ve saved the best for
last. The origin of the prosperity of the head of this family is unknown. We
can be sure the sacred treasure is here!”
“Wait, if
you thought a sacred treasure was here why didn’t we came here first?” I tried
to voice my concern, but Darkness ignored me as she resumed talking.
“The Sumer family
has a long lineage whose prestige is only behind mine in Axel. Given enough
time I would’ve liked to get conduct a proper investigation and get solid
evidence—”
Wait, she’s been
raiding noble’s houses without any evidence?
(This is
insane; she’s been just robing everyone blind. Darkness is my best friend, but
I may have to downgrade her to just friend…) Chris whispered.
(You say
that as if this whole thing didn’t happen because of you.)
“I can year
you! All the nobles we’ve raided were corrupt to the core!” Darkness, seemingly
not self-aware, said while blushing.
Then.
“I was
wondering whose those annoying screams were, if it isn’t ‘Lady’
Dustiness. What is the matter? You rudely entered my home, uninvited.”
Inside the
mansion was a beautiful woman with red eyes, partly covering her face with a
fan.
She looked
at the fully armored Darkness with clear disdain, “Are you having fun
pretending to be a crusader? Dressed like that you don’t resemble the daughter
of a duke at all. Tell me ‘Lady’ Dustiness, when are you going to get
tired of your little game of adventure?”
Perhaps she
is a member of a rival family, she was trying to stir up Darkness.
Seemingly
used to this kind of provocation, maybe even enjoying it, she smiled
fearlessly, “This is no game, Lady Hyanhyan Meade Sumer[2]. Originally,
I wanted to wait until I had enough evidence, but the circumstances have
merited extreme measures.” She replied seriously, though with similar disdain.
I couldn’t help with but chuckle a little.
“Are you
from the Crimson Magic Clan?”
“N-No! I
have no relation with those commoners, and don’t you dare mention such a
relationship again!” Hyanhyan replied, her eyes glowing a very familiar crimson.
“But your
name—”
“Shut up! If
you make fun of my name, I’ll have you beheaded!”
The weird
name and red eyes give her away; anyone would assume she’s a member, if not a
descendant from the clan…
“The Sumer
family has had many powerful mages for generations. I’m pretty sure that the
wife of the previous head of the family was a member of the Crimson Magic Clan.
Nobles tend to marry strong and powerful people.” Darkness explained, I was
clearly confused.
“Oh, so
she’s named after her grandmother or something.”
“I warned
you commoner! Cursed Lightning!”
Seems she
has a complex about her name because she released a very dangerous spell at me.
An advanced spell that would’ve killed me instantly, if not for someone who got
in the way.
“…what a
great attack, Lady Sumer!”
“Dustiness…!”
Darkness shielded
me from the killer spell. As expected, she has monster resistance taking such a
powerful attack head on without any visible injuries, she was even faintly
smiling.
“In the end,
the lack of evidence won’t be a problem. It’s a crime to use advanced magic
inside the city. Moreover, you attacked me, a higher ranking noble!”
Seeing the
triumphant Darkness, Hyanhyan became even angrier, tears swelling in her eyes,
“Ever so arrogant, huh ‘Lady’ Dustiness, or should I say, ‘Lady’
Lalatina? You always call me by my name when we meet at parties even after I
repeatedly asked you not to!”
“D-Don’t
call me that! I didn’t provoke you, at was him!”
From the
exchange before it seemed these two hate each other, but now it seems they’re a
lot like Megumin and Yunyun.
“I think
Lalatina and Hyanhyan are cute names.”
“She can’t
help her name; it comes from a clan full of weird names!” Lalatina blushed with
embarrassment.
“There’s no
need to talk any further, Dustiness! I know you and your thieves came to
plunder my family’s treasure room! I’ll testify in court that I only used
intermediate level magic to fight you off!” Hyanhyan raised her hand, and then
a group of soldiers came into the room.
“Then we’ll
just fight through! I know you’re a sadist and I’m sure there are many illegal items
in your treasure room! I bet you have the slave collar, you must be planning to
put it on some man and give him lewd orders, you pervert!”
“W-What did
you say!? Dustiness if there’s a pervert here, that’s you! How do you know
what’s inside my treasure room—!? No, I understand. I finally understand why
you are doing this, it’s not a criminal investigation or an act of justice, but—”
Hyanhyan’s
face changed from anger to horror as she seemingly realized what Darkness was
after.
However,
before she could say more, Darkness raised her sword in high spirits and
yelled.
“Get out of
the way!”
Part 7
That night.
(Lowly
assistant, are you still awake?)
(Of course,
I’m ready.) I whispered to Chris through the window. It’s quite late, most
shops and bars are closed.
I grabbed my
mask and jumped into the balcony.
(Whoa,
haven’t seen that mask in a while. You are serious tonight, lowly assistant!)
(If we don’t
get serious, we won’t be able to stop that idiot.)
While we
haven’t properly discussed it, we both know what needs to be done.
(That girl
has been such a pain. After she made me believe in her, she won’t get away with
this.)
(Darkness
lectures me often, let’s teach her a lesson until she cries.)
Darkness
went on a rampage in Hyanhyan’s manor, she and her soldiers caused a huge mess
in the treasure room. As expected, there were many illegal items there, all of
which were confiscated.
Nearly in
tears, Hyanhyan said she’d expose Darkness weird fetishes at the trial, then
the two got into a fist fight, Chris and I had to use Bind to restrain them.
It would’ve
been fine had that been the end of it, she raided all the nobles’ manors after
all, but…
(Darkness said
she was going to do everything in her power to give me the collar, I was
relieved to hear that, but I’m not sure if I can trust her anymore. Under no
circumstances should she use it!)
If that
magic detector had been around, I’m sure it would’ve rung like crazy when
Darkness said that. Given everything that happened, Chris downgraded her from
best friend to just friend.
(By the way,
lowly assistant, have you thought of a worst-case scenario?)
(…What’s the
worst thing that could happen? It’s not like she’s stupid enough to use the collar
on herself.)
Chris shook
her head and looked at me very seriously, (It can’t be used like that, the
slave collar forces someone else into submission, it needs a master.)
The collar
inflicts extreme pain to the person wearing it if they don’t follow the
master’s command, Darkness would need someone to give her orders…
(Right… Who
does she intend to make her master?)
(Someone who
knows about her embarrassing fetishes, someone who doesn’t care if she endures
extreme pain or disobeys orders. I’m sure she’s already made up her mind.) She
whispered, grinning.
Yeah, I
guess it’s kind of obvious. Though when I give her orders Darkness usually goes
along, that is unless she can get hurt…
I scratched
the back of my head in embarrassment, (Are you sure? I mean we’re party members
and live together after all. I don’t think I’ll be able to face Aqua or Megumin
again if we cross that line…)
(Are you
sure about that? I’m sure you’ve thought of several things you’d want her to
do, and you know how much she enjoys embarrassment…) She was hitting me on the
side with her elbow, teasingly.
“Well, I’d
order her to █████████████████ [3], to say ██████, to give me a ███████. Of course she’ll need to wear a ████ uniform,
but I don’t think she’ll be using underwear…”
“The sacred
treasure may be even more dangerous in your hands! I can’t let either of you
get it!”
She wanted
me to speak my mind, why did she get angry?
I guess she
may be right to a point, but I don’t think there are any safe masters for
Darkness. A lot of nobles hate her now, and she basically runs the city. Plenty
of people want bad things to happen to her.
I put the
mask on, filled with determination, “…I swear not to abuse the power of the
slave collar. If I get it, I’ll only use it for a little while, ok?”
“If you use
it as much as a second, you’ll get divine punishment!”
Loud voices
echoed all throughout Dustiness manor.
“Thieves!”
Third time’s
the charm, as the saying goes. We’ve broken in here more than enough lately; I
want this to be the end. No tricks tonight.
“I didn’t
expect you to forcefully break in, you’re really serious tonight, lowly
assistant!”
“When I put
on this mask, I feel invincible!”
This feeling
is enhanced on nights with a full moon. Vanir sold me the mask, it’s not
cursed, is it?
“Do you know
whose mansion are you raiding!?”, “Didn’t the silver-haired one vandalize the
young lady’s photo album the other day?”
The shouting
of the guards increased as we boldly entered the mansion through the front
door.
I turned to
face Chris, “Did you do that while I wasn’t around?”
“I had to
get some payback for my best friend!” She replied, scratching the back
of her cheek in embarrassment, she then pointed at a coming soldier, “Bind!”
Normally
that would stop just about anyone, but the soldier managed to cut the rope
before it could trap him, leaving Chris rather shaken.
“Lowly
assistant, these guys are strong!”
“They’re
soldiers of the Dustiness family, not small fries. Create Earth, Wind Breath!”
“Gah!” The
soldier stopped in his tracks with his hands covering his eyes.
As we tried
to take the advantage and move on, another soldier appeared.
“That man! I
recognize that cowardly fighting style. He’s a friend of the young lady, the
one who raided the manor before! Be careful of him, he’s unpredictable!”, “Ah
yes, I recognize the silver-haired boy too! He’s another friend of the young
lady!”
Our secret
identities were revealed.
“I’M NOT A B-B-B-B-BOY!
And I have nothing to do with Darkness!”
“Chief,
we’ll need to change our strategy. The soldiers are too strong, let’s draw them
away!”
Then.
“Just what
is happening here?”
Darkness’
father appeared accompanied by several soldiers. He was holding a large broad
sword in one hand, giving a serious and noble aura.
Chris and I
were getting nervous, but then he relaxed his expression and said, “You two…
Chris and Kazuma? What are you doing here?”
“I am a
passing thief and have no relationship with your daughter.”
“Ah, Duke
Dustiness, it’s been a while. There’s a good reason for this—”
“Lowly
assistant, you’re giving up too soon! A wise man once said that once you give
up, it’s over.” Chris hit me after I admitted who I was.
“What else
can we do? Besides, I’m sure he’ll understand if we tell him. It’s all for the
good of her daughter after all.”
He may not
look like it, but Darkness’ father is a duke, a high-ranking noble. He must be very
strong, it’s better if we just explain.
“…did my
daughter do something? Please tell me.”
Part 8
Chris and I
were taken to the tearoom, we told Darkness’ father everything.
After
listening to our story, he crouched down, “My daughter put you through so much
trouble. I found it strange how she carried such forceful investigations
lately… I must apologize.” He said, bowing his head.
“Please, you
needn’t apologize. Just discipline her properly.”
“Lowly
assistant, shut up for a moment. Anyway, we believe she’s hiding a dangerous
sacred treasure, we need to take it away from her, could you please help us?”
“Of course,
if that’s the case, I’ll cooperate with you. I want to trust my daughter too…”
“She’s
definitely corrupted.”
“Lowly
assistant, mind what you say in front of her father!”
“No, this is
an embarrassment. I agree, my daughter is corrupted.”
With the
help of her father, we were now in front of Darkness’ room.
Not only is
he aware of the situation, but all the staff at the manor are too. Even if
things resolve peacefully, everyone will know that the young lady did something
stupid again.
Let’s have
Darkness writhe in shame.
Chris and I
nodded at each other before putting our ears to the door. We could hear
Darkness’ impatient voice from the other side.
(Damn, how
does this work!? Who thought it would be a good idea not to include
instructions; if someone were to use this improperly, it could cause a big
problem…)
Corrupted to
the core.
We looked at
each other again.
“She’s your
best friend, right? You need to straighten her out.”
“We’re mere
acquaintances. You’re party members and live together, it’s your job to turn her
into a decent person—”
(Who’s out
there!? I explicitly ordered not to be disturbed!)
We didn’t
even attempt to lower our voices. Judging by her unusual strict order seems she
feels a bit guilty about this as well. A servant of hers would’ve run away at
her angry tone, but it won’t work on us.
I knocked at
the door, “It’s me, Kazuma. Just open the door.”, “I’m here too! Darkness, open
up!”
“W-why are
you two here!? It’s very late, why don’t you come back tomorrow?” Darkness
gasped loudly; her panicked voice could clearly be heard from outside.
“Lowly
assistant, are you ready? As soon as I unlock the door you’ll rush and bind
her.”
“Leave it to
me!” I grabbed my rope.
(I can hear
you! If you break into the bedroom of a duke’s daughter like that you’ll be in
big trouble!)
“We already
got permission from your father; in fact, he asked us to do this.”
“Don’t try
to escape through the window either; a garrison of soldiers is waiting for you
out there!”
(!?)
The moment
Chris unlocked the door I kicked it open, “Bind!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
The rope
went away as planned, but rather than Darkness, it bind the bed she’d tossed at
us.
“She’s
resisting really fiercely!”
“Did you not
know I could hear you? I knew of your little plan already!” She was panting
after tossing that huge bed of hers. She would’ve looked scary if not for the
cute nightgown she was wearing.
“…wait, you
could’ve stop bind all along? Why have you never done it before? …you like it
don’t you?”
“Shut up!
Anyway, doesn’t look you guys have any rope left.”
We needed to
travel lightly, so we only brought one rope each. Chris’ was cut by that
solider earlier, and mine was wrapped around the bed.
“It’s still
two against one Darkness! Just give it up already, there’s no escape!”
“It’s not
like you’d attack us anyway, right Darkness?”
Her stunt
was a surprise, but with everyone on the manor against her, our victory is
assured.
Darkness
laughed fearlessly, even though her imminent defeat should be obvious, “You seriously
think an Adventurer as strong as a noodle and a Thief with no fighting skills
could defeat a high-level Crusader? Besides, you guys are wrong, the collar—”
“STEAL!”
The moment
Chris and I used our skill Darkness let go of the collar, “If I’m not holding
it, you can’t steal it.”
With our
luck stats combined, it was near certain that one of us would’ve gotten it.
“Lowly
assistant, Darkness is smarter than ever! Just what got to her!?”
“Heh, if not
for her stunt earlier she’d be as dumb as a rock.”
“Stop
talking like I’m an idiot, I’m the well-educated daughter of a noble!”
Darkness’
mind does run at 100% capacity when her fetishes are in play. If that’s the
case, then we’ll have to take her head on…
“Lowly
assistant, hold down Darkness for a bit, I’ll take the collar.”
“A-Are you
crazy!? With her gorilla-like strength, it’s impossible for me to even slow
down her down. It’s better if you take the lead, she won’t harm you, I’ll take
the collar!”
Not agreeing
to the plan, we both approached Darkness, planning for the other to be the
decoy. Given the chance, either of us could jump and snatch the collar, but
seems Darkness knows what we intend and was putting herself between us and the
collar.
“Hey,
Darkness, let’s make a deal. I’ll let you play with it for a while, I can be
your master if you like. But then you’ll give it to Chris, how about it?”
“Kazuma
Satou, I will not tolerate such indecent transaction in my presence.” I was
taken aback by Chris’ seriousness.
“Don’t
underestimate me, Kazuma! I’m willing to risk the pride of the Dustiness family
and use this sacred treasure on myself rather than having it stolen by a low
thief!” Darkness proudly declared, and then she quickly picked up and put on the
on herself with no hesitation.
The cause of
this whole mess, firmly attached to her neck…
“She did it!
Why are you always so crazy when it comes to your desires!?”
“Lowly
assistant, stand back. I’ll be her master!” Chris said, pushing me back and
taking a step closer to Darkness.
“Wait,
Darkness is my friend. I’ll take responsibility.”
“Don’t you
intend to give her lewd orders!? If I become her master the worst I can think
of is making her sing on the street!”
“Please
don’t think so lowly of me. I’ll make he do thinks she doesn’t enjoy. Like
dress in cute frilly clothes and make her go to Hyanhyan and apologize.”
“I-I’m
starting to regret wearing the sacred treasure—”, Darkness flinched, but then
pointed at me as she made up her mind, “—You are my master, Kazuma! I, Lalatina
Ford Dustiness, am a slave to Kazuma Satou!”
The collar
glowed slightly at Darkness’ declaration. I thought that it had to be forcibly
put on by the master, but I guess it can be used like that too.
Doesn’t that
mean she can force who the master is?
“It can be
used like that…?” Even Chris, with her godly knowledge, was flabbergasted.
“Come one
Kazuma, give me an order! I’ll obey if I think its fine. But if I don’t, I’ll
rebel with all my might!” Darkness declared triumphant, “Wait, there’s no need
to give me any orders. A slave must know what the master wants. Oh, I just
don’t know how my master will discipline me!”
Just when I
thought it was fine not to give her any orders.
“Meh, I
don’t need a slave.”
“But you are
my master now, you have to take responsibility!”
What am I
supposed to do now? That collar is a sacred treasure, I doubt Steal could
remove it…
A beautiful
slave in another world, I wasn’t expecting things to go like this at all. Why
am I feeling threatened?
“Uh… then
please lift the hem of your nightgown a little in a seductive way.”
“Lowly
assistant!” Chris protested, but I just wanted to test if the collar works.
“Hhpm, such
lustful request! But I’m just little 5-year-old Lalatina. Big brother Kazuma,
will you play with meEeEeeE!?!?!?!?!?!?”
Darkness quickly
covered her mouth. For some reason, the person who said the weird thing was the
most perplexed.
“I don’t
know what to think after hearing that.”
“Just laugh
at her. Hahaha, you’re an idiot Darkness, I said the sacred treasure would
inflict extreme pain if you don’t follow orders but didn’t specify what kind of
pain.”
Extreme
pain, however, she never said it would be physical. It’s something that would
be painful for the wearer…
“Darkness,
strike a cute pose and talk like a cat.”
“I
definitely won’t Kazumeow—! AH! I won’t forget this, you’ll pay!”
“You’re so
cute Darkness! I’ll borrow a magic camera from your father!”
With a face
red as a tomato and tears on her cheeks Darkness posed like an idol. It’s hard
to tell if she’s obeying or this is result from collar.
“Kazuma,
you’ll regret this if you go too far. I don’t want to do this, but you know I’m
of a noble family. This won’t go unpunished, stop doing stupid things or you’ll
get in big trouble!” Darkness tried to threaten me now that she realized she
can’t resist.
She gritted
her teeth while staring at me, I’m not sure she’s fully understood her position
yet.
“Chief,
let’s take her to her father, then have her tell him that she loves him very
much.”
“I’m sorry
both of you, please stop or I’ll die! I’ll give back the collar. Please forgive
me, no more!”
With
Darkness shaking her head and crying, we took her to her father.
“Lowly
assistant, let me take on as the master later. I want to dress her in something
super cute and make her parade on the main street.”
“Yeah! Let’s
take her to the adventurer’s guild afterward. She’ll make a spectacular debut
as an idol!”
“Why are you
so mad at me!? I know I was bad, but I’m sorry! I’ll repent; I won’t do
anything stupid ever again!”
Once the results of Lalatina’s photo sessions made their way to her father, she was unable to leave her room for a whole week.
[1] Sarashi cloth
[2]Hyanhyan is a Japanese onomatopoeia for sex noises and Sumer comes from the ancient kingdom of Sumer.
[3] This is not me censoring, that’s how it goes on the original.
Contents
Hahaha, darkness as usually
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