Credits
INCLUDE THIS SECTION IF YOU TRANSLATE THIS TO OTHER LANGUAGES
Part 1
“Kazuma
Satou… welcome to the Great Beyond. I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve passed
on. It was a short life, but it’s over now.”
Those were
the words I heard upon finding myself in a bright white room.
The person
saying that was Aqua, giving an unusual dignified, goddess-like aura. If she were
like this more often, people would believe her when she calls herself goddess.
I know
what’s going to happen next, and I won’t lose this time.
That’s
right, I’m starting over in this crappy other world!
***
“All of
these suck! Hey devil, don’t you have something that would surprise a goddess
like me, something I’d want to spend money on?” Aqua said, looking at some items
at Wiz’s shop.
We didn’t
have anything to do, so we came here to waste time again.
“I have many
things that could surprise you, but I am aware of how much money you have,
troublesome woman. I’m busy making up for the losses caused by the charred
store owner.” Vanir replied as he was rearranging items next to Wiz, who was
lying on the ground looking like coal.
This is
something we’re used to.
Darkness tried
to help Wiz get up, “If not to Aqua, is there something you could sell to me?
Something that causes pain when worn, maybe some kind of collar? I’m sure someone
like you would know all about that. I can use my connections as a noble to make
sure it can’t be traced back to you.”
“…no, I
don’t believe that would do any good in your hands, young woman who is still
trying to find and destroy all cute pictures of herself. Or rather, haven’t you
come in contact with a sacred treasure that matches that description? My, how
disappointing, those must’ve been some delicious bad emotions.”
Darkness dropped
Wiz in disappointment.
“If you
treat a goddess worse than a lowly noble, you’ll get divine punishment! I’ll
leave a terrible review for your store in the Axel guide map!”
Eventually,
Aqua stopped interfering with Vanir’s work and continued wandering around the
store. She picked a stone placed on the
shelf, “What is this?”
“It’s a
bloodstone stained with evil power. My
evil power.”
Aqua was
staring at the stone emitting black mist on her hand intently.
“What does
it do? Is it like a curse—or something.” Megumin said, flinching slightly, just
mentioning curses scares her now.
Vanir
replied waving his hand, “It’s just a stone with a black aura, it doesn’t have
any special effects. But I know members of your clan would buy it on the name
alone—stop that!”
“So, it’s
you who has been selling junk to Yunyun! The other day she was showing off some
forbidden crimson bloodstone!”
Megumin
snatched away a box with stones and gave it to Aqua, who then crushed the stone
she was holding.
“They may
not do anything, but it’s still the product of a devil, I’ll purify them all!”
“Stop
purifying my goods troublesome woman! Here, I’ll give you this, just go to the
corner!” Vanir hurriedly searched for something in his pockets.
He pulled
out some kind of matchbox, something I’ve never seen before in this world. The
most common way to make fire here is using magic, that’s why I’ve been able to
make so much money with simple oil lighters.
“You think
you can fool me with something like this? Only a fool like Kazuma that plays
with fire like a fool would be fooled! Give me something better!”
“No, no,
this is a sacred treasure perfect for those with time to waste. It has a
peculiar power, letting its user do a redo…”
Come again?
“…you know,
this is kind of familiar. I wonder what effects it has…” I intently looked at
the matchbox Aqua handed me.
It looks
like an ordinary matchbox, but the word ‘redo’ is echoing in my head. There
were only three matches inside.
“It’s an
item that allows its user to redo their past choices by lighting those sticks
on fire. However, if anyone but its original owner uses them; after the fire
burns out everything except their memories go back to the way they were. In
other words, it’s useless. You can’t change the past, but you can peek into a
different future.”
“Hmm, that
sounds interesting, it’ll be a good way to kill time. Kazuma, Kazuma, give it
back!”
A redo…
That means I
could undo the biggest mistake I made when coming to this world, bringing the
useless goddess in front of me!
“Hold on, I
want to try too! Before I joined this party, I got an invitation from another
one. They said they’d make a name for themselves in a fierce battleground near
the royal capital. I wonder how far my fame would’ve spread had I joined them…”
Megumin said, looking smug.
She’s
probably expecting me to say something like, ‘I’d never let you join another
party!’, but the sweet word ‘redo’ is bouncing in my head harder and harder…
“I’m also
curious … If I hadn’t spoken to Kazuma then, I wonder if I’d joined another
party by now. I may not be able to land an attack but am I not an excellent
shield or decoy? I can protect against anything, a party with enough firepower
will have the need for—Ah, stop!”
I clenched
the matchbox while the two were daydreaming. I know that I can’t actually start
over, once the match goes out, things will get back to normal.
Nonetheless…
“Hey Kazuma,
give it back! I’m going to redo the past where you brought me here with you.
I’m curious on what kind of life I would’ve had. I’m sure I’d ascended further
into heaven; I had a bright future ahead of me before a good for nothing NEET
ruined it…”
…yes.
If only she
was a useful cheat instead of the goddess of a religion despised by most
people…
“Though, I’m
sure you’d be dead without me. I’m more worried about the other two. Without
me, we wouldn’t be together, that’d be so sad…”
“’Ascended
further into heaven’? Aqua, what the heck are you talking about? I’m the
party’s firepower, if not for me, none of you would’ve achieved the fame you
have today. I even let you profit from all my feats.”
Darkness
timidly raised her hand as to enter the argument, “W-well, if it wasn’t for
me—Ah! Why can’t you let me finish!?”
I quickly backed
away from them before they could lay a finger on the matches.
“Kazuma,
what are you trying to do? There are only three matches, it’s only fair who
gets to use them—”
Without
hesitation, I quickly lit one.
Part 2
“What’s the
matter, are you in a daze? I guess it’s understandable given that you’ve passed
away.”
Aqua was
peeking at me while hiding her usual self behind this proper goddess façade.
If I
remember correctly, the first thing I did was asking her if the girl I helped
is safe. There’s no need for that now, just give me a good cheat item and let
me reincarnate.
“Oh yeah, I
feel quite dead. Anyway, what will happen to me now?”
Of course, I
know what will happen next, to make her get on with it, I gave her a normal
answer as to not make it too weird.
Aqua should
explain about reincarnation. No, before that, she told me I could go to heaven
or something like that.
“You seem
oddly calm even though you just passed away. Nice to meet you, my name is Aqua.
I’m a goddess who gives guidance to those in Japan who die young. Now then, you
have two choices—” While trying to seem serious, her mouth was
twitching a little, “—Option one: be reborn as a human, start a completely new
life. And o-option two-o-o…live like an old geezer in a heavenly
place-he-he-he-he-he...” The twitching on her cheeks increased, she could
barely hold back her laughter.
That’s
right, this idiot laughed because the way I died, that’s how her façade of a
beautiful goddess was forever destroyed in my eyes.
No matter, I
know how this goes, I really want her to do her best and contain her laughter.
“G-geezer! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Sorry,
I can’t hold it anymore! You just died in such a funny way—hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!—Why
are you looking at me so seriously—? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”[1]
This girl…!
No, calm
down Kazuma, if I get mad, I’ll do the same mistake as last time. I have to act
like an adult and ignore this idiot, then I’ll be able to start over and won’t
see her again.
That’s right, instead of a debt-filled life full or regret I’ll be able to enjoy the reincarnated life I always dreamed of.
“How could
you die from shock from NOT being
plowed by a tractor? I just don’t get it!”
“S-Sorry for
dying in such a pathetic way. Anyway, could you please tell me what happens
next?”
I must calm
down, no point on retaliating, I have to change the past!
Aqua resumed
with a big smile, “—hahaha… Thanks for that, I was a bit stressed, you just
died in such an interesting way Mr. Satou. Anyway, as I said, you have two
options, a boring heaven with no TV, manga, or videogames where the only
pleasure is small talk with other dead people while basking in the sun. Or do you want to spend your days full
of romance and adventure in a mysterious other world? I would recommend the
latter, because—”
“I’ll take
that.” If I let her continue, she’s going to make me angry, I just want to get
on with this.
“Hold on
now, it could be dangerous, let me finish. Don’t you want to know what kind of
world you’re going to?” She looked at me rather suspiciously.
“The Demon
King is on a rampage and humanity is blablabla, right? You’re sending me as a reinforcement
with some kind of cheat ability.”
After I got
ahead of myself and cut the explanation short, she looked like she was about to
say something but fell silent. Perhaps happy about having less work to do, she
just silently handed me a catalog.
I hurriedly
flipped through, looking for something I saw long ago; I’ve often thought about
it since I was regretfully trapped with Aqua.
She peeked
behind me, “I don’t recommend you get that time stopping thing. I bet you’re
planning to do something naughty with time stop, but a weakling like you won’t
be able to stop time for even a second.”
Despite what
she said I was not planning to abuse its power, but I guess I’ll have to try
with something else.
“Ah, that
hypnotic thing doesn’t work on humans. It’s only useful against monsters, but
if you insist on doing naughty things—” Aqua was being very annoying.
“Why do you
think I’m going to misuse it? And with monsters no less! There’s only junk here,
give me something useful!”
“Aren’t you
a bit too rude to a goddess? If you keep being disrespectful, I’ll impose on
you an ability to summon goblins or something.”
“If you do
that, I’ll fill this place to the brim with goblins!”
Ignoring the
frightened Aqua, I kept flipping through the catalog. Not only do I want to
avoid the burden of this useless goddess, but the other problem children too,
the crazy explosion girl and the masochist crusader.
I need an
all-around ability that will let me go solo…
“What about
this, the Demon Sword Laevateinn?”
That
Madaragi guy got strong after receiving a magic sword. There shouldn’t be
anything wrong with them.
“A magic
sword? Are you sure a sprout like you will be able to wield it?”
“…will it
not increase my physical abilities just by holding it?”
Aqua grabbed
the catalog and flipped through, “It won’t, but I’m sure even a weakling like
you could make good use of this.”
She pointed
at an item called Sacred Toiled Brush. The description said it became a sacred
treasure after it was used by the goddess Aqua. It has a special effect on
demons and undead, and it can remove even the most stubborn stains…
She’s really
getting to my nerves, it’s as if she wants to go to that world with me.
“If you’re
going to make fun of me this much, I have my own ideas.”
Aqua briefly
covered her mouth to hold her laughter, “And what are you going to do? Fill
this place with goblins? I was kindly helping you; I have done nothing wrong.”
I’m not sure
if that’s an apology or a provocation.
“What I’m
taking with me is…”
Part 3
Horse-drawn
carriages rattled along the stone-paved streets of a very familiar town.
My plan went
awry, but I can work this out. First, I’ll go to the adventurers’ guild.
“Oh man!
Ohhh man! Ohmanohmanohman!” Ignoring Aqua’s trembling I pushed forward to the
guild.
We’ll have
to pay a fee, but I’ll let her get the money like last time.
“Waaaaaaaaah
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Aqua was on her
knees, holding her head with her hands.
“Come on,
there’s nothing to do now that we’re here. Let’s quickly register at the
adventurer’s guild, after that let’s rent a stable to sleep in. That should be
enough for today. Let’s get goi—!”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
Aqua was trying to grab me, but I resisted by holding her head down.
“H-hey stop
that! Stop dropping my pants, you useless goddess, that’s harassment! I didn’t
want to bring you to begin with! You were just egging me so much! I just wanted
a true cheat item!”
“What are
you talking about?!”—She wept—“You forcefully brought a goddess like me!
Apologize! Apologize for bringing me here and saying so many cruel things! From
now on you’ll have to support me!”
It’s a shame
I couldn’t endure her, but no point on crying over spilled milk, I can still
work this out.
“Listen,
stupid NEET! If you dare call me useless goddess again, I’ll punish you! I’ll
make your laundry smell fishy!”
“That’s
harassment! Listen, let’s just go, dumb bimbo. Things may have not gone
according to my plans so far, but I don’t want to make any mistakes from here
on.”
“What did
you call me, stupid hikiNEET?! You are to refer to me as Lady Aqua!”
“Then stop
calling me NEET! I will only call you ‘Lady’ Aqua if it’s followed by ‘the
useless goddess’!”
Ignoring the
shouting Aqua, I headed towards the adventurer’s guild.
***
“—Aqua,
first of all, we’ll register as adventurers, then we’ll find a place to sleep.
Tomorrow we’ll get a part-time job.”
“Why get a
part-time job if we’re becoming adventurers? You surprise me though, coming
here with no hesitation, I thought you just were a hikiNEET loser otaku that
grosses out women, but you’re surprisingly talented.”
Aqua seems
impressed, but this is only natural since it’s the second time I do this. I
don’t get why whenever she gives a compliment, she also needs to throw two
insults, but whatever, I can’t get discouraged.
I looked
around for a certain person.
“Aqua, could
you ask that priest over there for some money?”
“Why should
a goddess like me, beg for money?”
“We need to
pay a fee to register as adventurers. You don’t have any money, right? Because
I sure don’t. Let’s just borrow some money from the priest. It’ll be a good
opportunity to show off your goddess majesty.”
“I don’t
know how you know that, but fine, I’ll show you the majesty of a goddess.” By
nature, Aqua doesn’t think too much, she just went ahead with it.
“You,
priest! State your denomination! I am Aqua! Yes, Aqua, she who is venerated by
the Church of Axis! If you are among my followers…it would…really help if you
could…lend me some money.”
“I’m afraid
I’m of the Eris sect…”
“Oh, is that
so? Sorry to bother you then…”
Aqua walked
back to me in defeat, the conversation went just as it did before. But so did
the rest, and the priest ended up giving Aqua some money out of pity.
“Okay, now
let’s register as adventurers.”
“Hold on,
hikiNEET. I did as you asked and got the money, but aren’t you forgetting
something important? You haven’t shown gratitude!”
She’s right,
I went to the priest to give him my proper thanks.
“Okay, now
let’s go!”
“You were
supposed to thank me, stupid NEET!”
Leaving the
noisy Aqua behind, I went to the familiar gorgeous receptionist, “Hi, I came to
register as an adventurer, you can skip the explanations. Oh yeah, I want my class
to be adventurer.”
“Huh? ...are
you sure you don’t want me to explain anything? Adventurer is one of the
weakest classes…”
I held out
my hand to grab the adventurer’s card from the confused girl, “This is the only
class I can take because of my stats. Aqua, do it too, register as an Archpriest.”
“A-archpriest…!”
“Hmm? How do
you know so much of this world? Well, as a goddess, I should be able to become
an Archpriest.”
Things
unfolded similar as before, after successfully getting our classes Aqua and I
(well, mostly Aqua) were seen off with anticipation by the guild staff.
My journey
as an adventurer in this world begins anew!
Part 4
After
renting a corner of the stable and making a bed out of good-looking and clean
straw, Aqua and I discussed our future plans.
“Listen, not
only we don’t have money, we don’t have any gear either. First of all, we’ll
work part-time to get some cash, then we’ll get weapons, and then we’ll raise
our levels outside town.” I was thinking about how it went last time, Aqua was
sitting cross legged and nodding silently, “Once we raise our level and get
enough skill points, I’ll learn blacksmithing skills to develop products to
sell. We’ll quickly make a lot of money that way.”
“That all
sounds good, but aren’t you forgetting something very important? How do we
defeat the Demon King?”
Even though
I’ve lived in this world for a long time I still don’t know anything about the
Demon King, I even forgot that our original goal was to overthrow him. Anyway,
that won’t be a problem, after we earn a lot of money and settle into carefree
life she won’t care anymore.
“No need to
think so far ahead yet. We’ll deal with that after we establish our livelihood,
ok?”
“The most
important thing now is to get out of here. How can you sleep in stables so
easily, don’t you come from modern Japan?”
While I am
used to sleeping on a bed, Aqua and I lived like this for so long that it
doesn’t bother me.
Of course,
there are things to think about in short term, namely the attack by the Demon
King army general Beldia and the Destroyer.
Beldia
shouldn’t be a problem. As long as we don’t attack the old castle he’ll leave on
his own.
Regarding
the destroyer, I thought about just moving away, but that won’t do. This town
has a terrific store that I want unharmed, and also many acquaintances and
friends, I can’t just abandon them. I know when and from where it’ll arrive, I
could hire Wiz and Megumin to destroy its legs before it gets too close. Its power
source will still go out of control and explode, but if it’s far from the city
then it won’t be a problem.
It’s the
perfect plan!
That way the
city will be protected, and I won’t be burdened with debt!
“Yes, I’ll
get a good job right away, and then a mansion!”
Goodbye life
with unreasonable debt.
Aqua’s eyes
were glittering, she clenched her fist, “A mansion, huh? Okay, I’ll show you my
power! We’re sure to get rich quick!”
Her powerful
declaration made me confident about our future.
[Redo, day
#2]
“Listen
carefully Aqua, working at a construction site is our last resort. The boss and
workers are nice, but it’s a very though job. Let’s get a part-time job at a
bar.”
“How the
heck do you know that? But ok, my super special skills should come handy at a
bar, I can carry 29 mugs at the same time, you know!”
Really? I
want to see that! …no, no it doesn’t matter how amazing that sounds, I cannot
let Aqua get close to the booze.
Not because
she’ll drink it, but because if she touches it, it’ll turn into water. That’s
how we lost this job last time.
“I’ll serve
the drinks, Aqua, you can wash the dishes. You could also help by going to the
field and catching some fish.”
“Leave it to
me, I can do any-fin! Hehe.[1]”
Last time
the owner got angry because I didn’t know it was common sense in this world to
catch fish in the fields.
Not this
time. Even if it’ll be for a short time, I want a genuinely peaceful life in
another world.
***
“—how am I
supposed to catch a Neroid if you don’t tell me what they look like? I can’t
work in these conditions!”
“Have you
been living under a rock? How can you not know what a neroid is? Even children know
what they look like!”
We’ve been
here for about an hour and already got an unreasonable order from the owner,
this is turning into a mess again.
“Then just
tell me what they look like!”
“They have
an amorphous appearance and are often found in dark places like alleys. They
have a unique meowing sound; follow it and you’ll find them. If you drink them,
you’ll feel a bubbling sensation in your throat.”
“You just
drink mons—?”
“Hey new
girl, what are you doing! Use the dish washer!”, he suddenly looked into the
kitchen and raised is voice
He was
staring at Aqua, as she was doing the dishes…
“I
accidentally touched it and turned it into water! B-but don’t worry, with the
power of the goddess of water even if I just use water the dishes will be
sparkling clean—!”
“S-so I just
have to catch some neroids and some fish, right!? I’ll get going—!”
“FIRED!
You’re both fired!”
While Aqua
burst into tears, I grabbed the owner by the collar to give him a piece of my
mind.
[Redo, day
#3]
“Listen
Aqua, we can’t mess this up. If we lose this job, we’ll have to do construction
work.” I was warning Aqua for the umpteenth time in front of a grocery shop. Today
we’ll be selling produce.
“Calm down
Kazuma, I’m confident in my ability to sell bananas.”
Last time I
trusted Aqua and left her in charge of the banana business, but she used some
weird trick that made them disappear.
“Don’t use
that trick of making things disappear, if you do, we’ll get fired again.”
“How do you
know about that? I don’t make things disappear, they just become microscopic.
But alright, I won’t use it.”
I’d like to
see all of Aqua’s tricks, but that will have to wait for another day.
“Look at these
fresh bananas! Freshly fished from the river, get them for 300 Eris folks! Just
300 Eris!”
“That’s the
spirit!” Last time, I couldn’t concentrate by how ridiculous bananas fished
from the river was, but I’m unfazed now.
I followed
Aqua by rising my voice until I suddenly noticed a familiar figure staring at
me, I quickly looked away.
“It’s half
the price and twice the quality than other shops—! Hey Kazuma, why are you so
quiet, help me out!”
Megumin was
staring at us.
“What, are
you curious about that girl—? Ooooh, red eyes—”
“Stop, don’t
make eye contact! We must not get involved with her!”
That was
close; we almost got acquainted with Megumin. Anyway, no time to get
distracted, we can’t lose this job.
“Alright, I’ll
show off my skills. Dear customers, it’s time for a rock-paper-scissors
competition! As you can see there are plenty of bananas here, if you beat me in
a game of rock-paper-scissors you’ll get some for free, and if I win, then you
have to buy them!”
“Kazuma,
Kazuma, are you sure that’s okay!?”
Aqua did
good on getting so many people to pay attention to us, but I can’t let her
shrink the bananas again. I’ll take the initiative and make money using my
special skills.
“Don’t
worry, I’ve never lost a game of rock-paper-scissors.”
“Is that
some kind of special ability? You should’ve told me before, now I’ll never make
any kind of gamble with you, ever!”
That’s fine,
it’s not like I want anything from her.
“Is that
true? If we beat you the bananas are free?”, “That sounds fun! And even if I
lose, its just 300 Eris.”
Before I
noticed, a crowd of onlookers gathered.
“Of course, it’s
not a lie! If you beat me, you’ll get free produce, it doesn’t have to be
bananas, anything in the store goes!”
“You’re very
confident, fine! I’ll play you for this apple.”, “I’ll play for these onions!”
The shop
owner stiffened as more and more customers gathered, but his expression relaxed
as I kept winning game after game. Not only the bananas, but everything was
also selling like hotcakes.
“You got me
worried there but seems like this part-time job will pay off!”
“Leave this
to me, you just gather more customers. We’ll be selling a lot more tomorrow!”
Yes, it’s
finally working, carefree life in another world here we come!
“This looks
like an interesting way to do business.”
I trembled upon
hearing a familiar voice behind me.
“Oh, do you
want to join our competition? If you beat the undefeated Kazuma, you’ll get any
produce for free! If your luck stat is high, it’s silly not to play!”
“Wha—r-really?
Well, I’m confident I can beat anyone with my luck!”
No, please
don’t. I timidly turned around to try to stop Aqua…
“Then… Ah!
I’d like the matsutake mushrooms at the back! And that melon in the corner
too.”
“I’m sorry,
but we closed two seconds ago.”
“What are
you talking about, Kazuma? Those mushrooms and the melon are among the most
expensive produce, highly sought after even by thieves. Beat this boy and our
fee will skyrocket!”
No, no, no,
no, no. No provocations please, there’s no way I can beat that boy.
It was Chris.
She spotted the most expensive produce that I purposely hid just in case.
“Hey,
m-ma’am, you are an Archpriest, aren’t you? You can cast Blessing on your
friend if you want.”
Chris smiled
fearlessly, even though she was irked by what Aqua called her. She may have
just doomed our business.
How am I supposed to beat the goddess of luck?
“Aqua, cast
the most powerful blessing you can.”
“Huh? Are
you serious, Kazuma? Isn’t that cheating?”
Last time I
played rock-paper-scissors with Aqua, we drew after casting she cast blessing
on herself.
Last time I
played with Chris, I hopelessly lost…
“You can use
any magic you like; I’ve never lost at rock-paper-scissors!”
I mustered
all my courage and clenched my fist, ready to take on the challenge. Aqua cast
her magic, but Chris remained unfazed.
“I've never
lost at rock-paper-scissors either…”
To save my carefree
future, I raised my fist to win this battle!
A few days
later.
Today was
the last day of our part-time job. We headed to the weapon shop with our pay.
“Alright, we
finally saved enough after days of back breaking construction work. I’ll get
the cheapest gear to fight monsters and raise my level.”
“I don’t
know why you complained so much Kazuma, it was fun! But I can’t go home if you
don’t defeat the Demon King. Finally, our adventure is about to begin!”
Poor naïve
Aqua, our adventure will never begin. Today is a monumental place in the
crossroad of fate, it’s better not to say anything that could ruin things.
We had to go
to our last resort after Chris mercilessly defeated me, getting us fired. So
far, things haven’t been that different than last time, but I can’t give up. I
can still work this out.
“Listen
Aqua. Tomorrow we’ll fight some giant frogs to raise our levels. They’re really
strong, so we can’t fight more than two at once. Don’t let you guard down.”
“Oh, weak
little Kazuma, why are you afraid of something like that? Those dumb frogs are
the weakest monsters around town, if you can’t fight them, it’ll be impossible
for you to slay the Demon King.”
“Those weak
monsters might as well be your natural enemy. Physical attacks have no effect
on them, and there’s so many around town that if you run around to avoid one,
more will show up.”
Not heeding
my advice, Aqua let out a mocking laugh.
Well, frogs
really want to eat her, she’ll be great bait.
Kill some
frogs and raise my level, then learn some blacksmithing skills, and finally,
somehow acquaintance Wiz…
Part 5
“The problem
is, the two of us alone are totally outmatched. We need some allies!” Aqua said
as she stuffed herself with fried frog at the guild, feeling refreshed after
taking a bath.
Things went
around the same as before, we headed to the field, the frogs almost ate Aqua, I
was barely able to save her to tell the tale, and we returned to the guild to
get our reward and sell the frogs’ meat.
Despite my
best attempts, the future is refusing to change…
While we
barely earned money for this meal, thanks to the experience I got, I was able
to go up by two levels.
“No, we
don’t need more people. I need one more skill point to learn blacksmithing
skills. We just need to defeat one more frog.”
“Hold on, do
you intend to use me as bait again?” Aqua tried to throw a wrench into my
plans.
“…yes?”
“No, I don’t
wanna! I don’t want to see the inside of a frog’s mouth ever again, it’s warm
and fishy and gross! If you use a goddess as bait again, you’ll get divine
punishment!”
Aqua’s help
may be invaluable, but she’s also causing nearly all of my problems too.
I shared
some of my meal to shut her up. If I
recall correctly, soon she’ll put a recruitment notice, which lures in Megumin.
I cannot let that happen; our future will be ruined. If she joins the party,
Darkness will follow shorty.
If I stop
that then the future will change for sure!
“Here, eat
some more, just please act as bait just one more time. You won’t be swallowed,
just stay in the frog’s mouth for a little while. After this fight I’ll give
you as much alcohol as you want.”
“Do you
think you can bribe me with food and drinks? Who do you think I am?” Aqua said
while taking all my food and giving me suspicious look.
“Excuse me,
could we—?”
“Absolutely
not.” I didn’t even turn to face the person who suddenly sat next to me,
rejecting them without a moment’s notice.
“Hrrk…! It’s
understandable that you’re wary of a stranger. Would it be possible for me to introduce
myself first?”
“No thanks.”
After
another immediate rejection, the pervert who sat next to me started shaking as
her face turned red.
Yes,
Darkness approached us for seemingly no reason. Aqua hasn’t posted any
recruitment notice yet and Megumin isn’t around.
“Please
don’t say that. A moment ago, I heard you say ‘bait’ and ‘stay in the frog’s
mouth’, that’s not something I can ignore…”
Why is this perverted Crusader so sharp when it
comes to these things?
Calm down, I
can’t panic, I should be able to turn her away.
“Well, the
thing is our party—”
“Listen to
me! This sorry excuse of a man is really cruel! He can’t support me; he can’t
protect me, and he uses me as bait to fight monsters!”
“W-what!?”
Aqua, please don’t say that. I’ll give you
anything you want!
“H-Hey Aqua,
this is a special day, isn’t it? We must commemorate our first victory against
monsters, what do you say I invite you a drink?”
“What are
you talking about, Kazuma? A drink won’t be enough, we’ll need several!”
At least
Aqua is easy to distract. It’s not an expense I can afford, but it can’t be
helped. In the grand scheme of things, it’s a small price to pay to avoid
Darkness…
“Oh, if
that’s the case, please allow me to treat you. In exchange just listen to what
I have to say.”
“R-really!?
You’re amazing miss knight! If you give me a drink, I’ll listen to anything you
have to say, even if it’s a complaint!”
With Aqua’s
betrayal, I finally admit defeat.
“A-alright!
Are you two a party? Judging from what you said earlier, I assume you had a
hard time with the frogs?”
“That’s
right! Those devilish frogs can somehow withstand the power of a goddess! I
told my stupid companion that we should recruit more allies, but he’s too much
of a shy virgin hikikomori NEET to do it!”
Who is she
calling hikikomori? I’m an advanced NEET, it’s not fair.
Calm down
Kazuma, I need to calm down and think.
“W-well, if
that’s the case. My name is Darkness, I’m a Crusader…”
Darkness is
usually the most levelheaded member of our party, she’s the only one to have
common sense, as long as her fetishes aren’t involved.
“I heard you
need bait to fight the frogs. T-then let me do it, a Crusade specializes in
protection. What do you say? Will you let me join your party?”
I can work
this out, she’ll join, but temporarily. I’ll
retire from adventuring after learning blacksmithing skills, then I’ll become a
merchant and leave the party. Afterwards, they can go and fight the Demon King
on their own for all I care.
“Excuse me
adventurers, I couldn’t help but overhear your discussion—”
…my luck stat is high? Yeah right. That must be some kind of mistake.
Before I
could deal with one problem child, the other one appeared.
Why is she here!? She was supposed to come after Aqua posted her recruitment poster!
“I am
Megumin! I am of the occupation Archwizard, one who wields the most powerful of
all offensive magic, Explosi—!”
“WOW THAT’S
AMAZING! Those red eyes, you’re from the Crimson Magic Clan, right? It’s
incredible that you can use explosion magic Miss Megumin! What else!? What
other magic can you use!?” Before Megumin could finish, I took the initiative.
I know how
to push her buttons; I should be able to get rid of her.
“…it’s
foolish to reveal one’s secrets to others other than your close allies. I
haven’t even introduced myself yet, you are being too pushy.” Megumin rolled
her eyes, Aqua and Darkness nodded as if thinking ‘I see, I see…’
“Kazuma,
Kazuma, we got two advanced classes, a Crusader and an Archwizard! There’s no
way we can let them go!”
I can’t
believe this.
But no, I
haven’t given up.
Darkness
aside, how did Megumin get here? I don’t get it. Even the conversation has gone
mostly the same, but they appeared days earlier.
“By the way,
I heard that lady knight was going to pay. It’s a brazen request and if you
will pardon me asking, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a bite
in three days…”
Damn it!
***
“—ah!”
Before I
knew it, I found myself back in Wiz’s magic tool shop. I felt heat on the
fingertips of my right hand, there was a burned match.
“Ah! You
used the match, stupid NEET! There were three and you just wasted one!”
“That’s
right, now thanks to you we’re playing a battle board game to decide who will
use the rest. Kazuma, you wasted one, you’ll act as referee!”
I felt as I
just awoken from a dream, watching the three playing some kind of board game.
“Hmmm…if I
move here, I can teleport to escape, but its troublesome to ignore the archwizard…”
Darkness was seemingly planning her strategy.
I grabbed
Aqua’s shoulder, “Why do you always try to provoke me! And you, Megumin, why
are you so poor? At least try a little harder!”
“What the
heck are you talking about, stupid hikiNEET! Why are you acting as if I did
something wrong, it was you, you wasted the match!”
“That’s
right! And have I ever caused problems because I was poor? I’m Megumin, a proud
Member of the Crimson Magic Clan. Who do you think the source of all our wealth
is? If anything, you should always be praising me!”
“Ah, y-yes
yes, thank you. We have to live on cheap food and barely make ends meet because
of the huge debt you caused me! Oh, am I grateful to you, what would be of me
without you!” I offered Megumin my gratitude while forcefully shaking her head.
“Hmm, if I
place the Crusader here, it’ll be within the archwizard’s range… Megumin could
make that troublesome—”
“EXPLOSION!”
I tossed the board game in the air.
“Aaaaaah?!
Kazuma, what are you doing! You’re not playing with us; you can’t use
explosion!”
“You’re so
annoying, princess! Thank you for trying to appear normal when we first met!”
“What?
Y-you’re welcome…?”
I can’t
believe that after starting over things ended up the same.
I took a
good look at the matchbox.
“Darkness,
that counts as you forfeiting the game! Aqua and I win the remaining matches. As
the Crusader, you had to protect the board!”
“I’ve never
heard of that rule! If you’re right then it should be on the rulebook… wait it is here… Megumin,
isn’t this your handwriting!?”
I took
another match and lit it right away.
“Wai—!”
Part 6
“Kazuma
Satou… welcome to the Great Beyond. I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve passed
on. It was a short life, but it’s over now.”
Those were
the words I heard upon finding myself in a bright white room.
This time I
took the initiative, “I see, I understand, goddess. In my previous life, I read
manga, light novels and what not about other worlds. I know you’re going to tell me I get a cheat item and have to defeat a Demon
King, right?”
Aqua froze
for a moment, her jaw dropped and her eyes staring at me suspiciously, “Finally,
a knowledgeable person! That’s about it, yeah, but how do you know I’m a
goddess? I haven’t even told you my name.”
I took a
deep breath, “I can tell just by looking at you. There’s no way someone as
beautiful as you is human. With that inhuman beauty, if not a goddess, then
what are you?” I was barely able to contain my laughter.
I’m not
really lying; I just want to keep her happy so she won’t make
me mad. It’s annoying, but I prefer this over enduring her mockery again.
Get going
Aqua!
“…huh!?”
“I-I mean,
you’re a goddess, aren’t you?”
What’s the
matter with her? She suddenly covered her face and is not saying anything. Just skip the explanation and give me a cheat item already!
“W-well…
Yes! It’s true that I’m the beautiful, alluring, exquisite, gorgeous,
magnificent, pulchritudinous, ravishing, stunning, and beautiful goddess of
water, but I’m sorry… I just can’t see a human that way…”
“…ahhhhhhhhhh?” I couldn’t help but give a dumbfounding reply.
“I mean, I’m sorry. Sometimes reincarnated people get a little…attached…
when they see me. The other day a boy called Marurugi showed up, his eyes glowed
when he saw me and—” She leaned back on her chair as I can’t even understand
what she’s saying, “—Ahahahahahahahaha! I can’t believe an uninteresting otaku
like you would fall for me, a goddess! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hahahahahahahahahahahah! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! I can’t take it!!”
***
“…I can’t believe it… I was kidnapped…taken to another world by a
hikiNEET who was captivated by my beauty…”
My patience ran thin in less than ten seconds.
I looked around, ignoring the crying Aqua. Last time Darkness unexpectedly
appeared, and I had a near miss with Megumin while selling bananas.
This time, I’ll avoid wherever they are likely to be around. If I do
that, I should be able to change the future…!?
My eyes met with Megumin’s who was lazily looking at us from inside a
passing carriage.
“Get out, no way we met so early!”
“Met? Met who? What are you talking about?”
It was only for an instant and Megumin looked away as if she was bored,
but we did see each other. Her looking away made me feel a bit bad for some
reason.
Come to think of it, Megumin was rejected by all parties after she came
to town, she was starving by the time she was drawn to our party.
If that’s the case, then this is when she arrived in town, she’s
probably full of confidence being a part of an elite group of archwizards. From
now on she’ll have many trials and tribulations…
“Aqua, I got an idea!”
“We’re not in first name basis yet. I get that you want to get closer to
the person you’re hopelessly in love with, but you must respect the order of
things. For starters, you’ll refer to me as Lady Aqua, understood? Lady Aqua.”
“I understand, useless goddess. I’ll begin by calling you useless
goddess.” I followed Aqua’s orders, her face was swollen from all the crying.
“You know, now that we came to another world together, I guess we’re
friends. Just Aqua is fine…” She hurriedly chased after me after I left for the
guild.
Once again, first order of business is getting blacksmithing skills. I
guess we can skip the part-time job to get money.
I’ll let Megumin pair up with other parties. Meanwhile, I’ll get some
temporary party members to help us level up. Easier said than done, of course,
just how am I going to get an experience adventurer to help out a couple of
newbies?
“Rejoice, Aqua! The time has come for you, someone who quickly amasses
debt and turns into a NEET, to be useful for the first time!”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying, all I get is that there’s a NEET
I just met trying to pick a fight with me. You better be careful; this goddess’
fists will show you a world of pain!”
Among the drinking friends I’ll make in the future, there are many who
will help me level up, as long as I pay that is.
As for the money? We won’t be paying with money!
Aqua’s healing magic is so powerful it can heal injuries suffered long
ago. Back when I first came into this world, she healed an old injury of an
adventurer to get him to pay for our drinks, and something really odd happened.
Apparently, he had a hard time walking for many years, but then was completely
healed in an instant. He was so grateful to Aqua, he converted to the Axis cult
then and there.
That should happen about six months from now, but there’s no need to
wait!
She’ll heal him, he’ll get happy, and we’ll be rewarded. We can do this,
we can do this—
“Ow! Why did you do that, useless goddess!? I came up with a great idea
to get you to heaven as soon as possible!”
I limped into the guild after Aqua gave me a powerful blow to the
stomach. She followed after me, keeping some distance.
***
Aqua and I
did the same as before and we successfully got our adventurer cards.
“Hey, see
that old man over there? He used to be an adventurer like us, but he took an
arrow in the knee[1]
years ago, and now he can’t use one of his legs very well.”
“…we just
came into this world; how do you know that? You even knew where the
adventurer’s guild is, what’s up with you?”
Aqua is
usually dumb as a rock, but she tends to be really sharp at the most
inconvenient times.
“Well, for
an otaku like me it’s easy to tell, the adventurer’s guild is obviously in the
middle of town. And I was able to tell that guy has an injury because he looks
like a veteran adventurer, but this town is for beginners.”
“I see, I
guess a virgin otaku hikikomori NEET would know about that. Alright, in
exchange for healing his injuries I’ll ask him to help you raise your level. It’s
only fitting for a goddess to help her subordinates!”
Aqua timidly
approached the old man. He was drinking when he noticed Aqua and stared at her
with an odd expression, wondering what was going on.
“You!
Veteran adventurer! You took an arrow to the knee in battle with the Demon
King’s army and are now drowning your sorrows in this city. As the goddess of
water, I will heal your wounds…!”
“Huh? There’s
something weird about you, no thanks. I’m good.”
“…did you
not hear me? I’m going to heal you, show me your leg! After I’m done with you,
you’ll be so happy you’ll convert to the Axis church and worship me!”
“No, no, no.
There’s something fishy about all this, how do you know about my knee anyway? I
sure don’t want anything to do with the Axis Cult, go away!”
Aqua trudged
back after the old man chased her away, “He refused treatment…”
“Maybe not
be so overly open about the Axis church? I thought that was a good idea…”
Is the easy
route blocked for us? I resigned myself to do the back breaking construction
work to buy gear, no need to waste time with the other part-time jobs.
“Aqua,
starting tomorrow we’ll start working at the construction site.”
“Waitwaitwaitwaitwait,
why are you leaping to the worst kind of job!?”
Part 7
A few days
later.
We took up construction
work and did so well the boss asked us to become full-time employees. When we
first worked here, I could barely move at the end of the day, but now I’ve done
it so many times, I’m more experienced than most of his regular staff.
We were able
to get our paychecks much earlier now that we didn’t waste days working on part-time
jobs just to get fired.
“I’ll be
able to learn blacksmithing skills by defeating three frogs. That will be our
quota.”
“Frogs are
the most common monsters around here, aren’t they? With me around, we’ll easily
defeat more than three.”
Normally,
we’d go back to town after fighting two frogs. I need to push myself just a
little more this time, so I can raise to level 4 in one go.
Aqua and I
arrived at the usual field, and started searching for frogs…
Because I
had all the equipment much earlier, we went hunting frogs days before we’d
normally do.
Suddenly, in
the distance, I saw a tremendous explosion I’m all but used to.
And that
explosion means that several frogs will awaken!
Aqua isn’t
used to seeing explosion magic just yet, she turned pale, “Kazuma, Kazuma! Did
you see that!? Let’s just go home for now, I think this is a bad day!”
“That was
just explosion magic, it’s a typical sight around here, don’t be scared.”
“…you know,
I’m curious. We’ve been seeing those explosions since we started working at the
construction site. Just what’s causing them and why is no one putting a stop to
it?”
“The thing
causing them is a crazy kid, I guess nobody in town wants anything to do with
that—hold on, where are the frogs?”
A lot of
frogs should’ve awakened by the blast, but I don’t see any.
There are no
adventurers around either, is this a high-level area or something?
…now that I
think about it, last time I saw a bunch guild staff running towards the field
with stretchers. Apparently, some adventuring party engaged in fierce battle
against a formidable enemy.
In that
case, we should go to the main gate and wait for the injured adventurers.
“Aqua, let’s
go back to town. I think there will be plenty of injured people rushing in
soon. You could heal them for—”
“That’s a
great idea! Both of us win that way, I get more followers, and you get someone
to help you raise your level!”
Exactly, it
is a great idea, and this way Aqua won’t have to be bait. It is kind of morbid
though, waiting on injured adventurers, but after Aqua heals them, everyone
will be happy!
“Most often
than not, I don’t think my luck stat is truly working, today is a rare day. All
I need to do is get blacksmithing skills, and everything will be fine—” As I
was praising my luck, I seemingly summoned bad luck, very bad luck.
“Kazuma,
Kazuma look! That scrawny little girl on the stretcher there can’t move! I’m
going to heal her!”
It was
Megumin.
To be
precise, it was a whole adventuring party, Megumin among them, unable to move
due to using her magic.
“Aqua, wait—!”
“You!
Adventurer! Do you need healing magic? I’ll help you for reaaaaaaaaaal cheap!”
Before I could stop her, she hurried to the adventurer party.
The guild
receptionist recognized her, “Ah, it’s you, Miss Aqua the new Archpriest! Could
you help them? These people defeated a powerful demon, the guild will
handsomely pay for their treatment!”
“Slaying
demons is the most noble thing to do. But I don’t need money, in exchange for
healing them I’d like them to help me raise the level of my weakling companion.”
With that,
Aqua began to heal. The adventurers who were in pain in those stretchers were
healed immediately.
No way. Megumin
has a party, she won’t try to join ours, right…?
“I-if that’s
all you need, we’ll happily help! You healed us all, we’ll help you get to
level 10 if you ask for it!” The leader casually accepted Aqua’s request, the
rest of the party nodded in agreement.
“Helping you
raise your level? In other words, you guys are just budding adventurers.” Said
Megumin, stumbling to stand up as a small smile appeared on her lips, “Doesn’t
seem you have a mage with you, hehehehehehehehehe. You are lucky,
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally lucky!”
Please don’t say odd things, you already have a
party, just go with them!
“I am
Megumin! I am of the occupation Archwizard, one who wields the most powerful of
all offensive magic, Explosion! You arrived right on time, as I am available.
If I join your party, you’ll have no problem raising your level!”
“Kazuma,
Kazuma, did you hear that? Explosion magic! We found a reliable party member!”
“Why? Aren’t
you in a party with those people?” I couldn’t help but chuckle at the
unexpected turn of events.
She tilted
her head, “These people were summoned by a friendless girl who rushed to the
adventurer’s guild for help. Now that I think about it, where is she? Did she run
out of mana...whatever, doesn’t matter.”
No, it does
matter, go look for Yunyun, and go away with her!
“I just
defeated a great demon with my explosion magic, soon enough I’ll be highly
sought after by numerous parties. You should be grateful that I’m willing to
lend you a hand, I’m sure we’ll get along fine, we seem to be around the same
age.”
“I refuse.”
…
“…I don’t
think you understood me. Take my hand, I’m willing to lend you my power to
defeat all enemies!”
Damn it!
***
“—AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”
I was
screaming with all my might by the time I regained consciousness back at the
magic tool shop.
“Stop
screaming, you thieving NEET! Apologize to Darkness for using two matches!”
“That’s
right, just look at her! Had you given us the matches from the beginning none
of this would’ve happened!”
Aqua and
Megumin were pointing at a gagged and hog-tied Darkness on the floor, her
cheeks burning bright red.
She looks
rather happy, I’m curious as to what happened, but won’t be asking any
questions.
“You! If it’s
not about explosion magic you never use your brain at its full potential! Don’t
you understand what rejection is? No means no!”
“W-what the
hell are you talking about!?”
During the
last redo Megumin was so confident after beating some demon, she more or less
forced herself into our party.
Aqua was
nearly swallowed by a frog after we went to the fields to raise our level,
Megumin used her magic, and we all ended up covered in frog slime and guts.
And then, Darkness
spotted us once we got back to town…
“Megumin,
it’s time to decide who will use the remaining match! But not with that dumb
board game, you always cheat!”
“It’s not
cheating unless it’s found. Unfortunately, Darkness noticed that the rulebook
had been tampered with, which is why she ended up like that. But if you don’t
want to play a game, then I’ll have to get serious…”
They did
something stupid while I was unconscious; seems they teamed up to take on
Darkness. Aqua took the last match while I was out.
“Did you
forget that it was me who took on Darkness? I’m an Archpriest who can handle
close combat very well, what is a scrawny little Archwizard going to do to me?”
“Is that a
challenge? Fine! I was called Brawler Megumin in the Crimson Magic Academy,
I’ll show you my strength!”
While I am
interested in seeing them fight, there’s no time to waste. I stuck out my hand.
“STEAL!”
I quickly
took the final match from Aqua and lit it.
“Hey—!”
Part 8
“Kazuma Satou… welcome to the Great Beyond.
I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve passed on. It was a short life, but it’s over—”
“Yes, yes, my life is over, right? I get it.
This is my last chance, don’t waste my time and just move on, useless goddess!”
I took the initiative, not letting her finish.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!”
She greatly opened her mouth; it all came as a shock for her.
“Just shut up, hurry and give me a cheat item!
You’re sending me to another world to defeat the Demon King, right? I want the Demon Sword Laevateinn,
just hand it over and I’ll be on my way!”
After I lit the last match, I promised myself
I wouldn’t make the same mistake a fourth time. I’ll use all my knowledge from
this world to get strong and rich as fast as possible!
“No.”
“…huh?”
“You may have watched too much anime, little
hikikomori NEET. Did you really think I’d just give you something after you
were so rude to me? I’ll send you to that other world butt naked!”
“Hold on, goddess, don’t make me angry. If you
do, you’ll regret it forever!”
“And what is a little virgin hikikomori NEET
going to do to a goddess? If you apologize and say, ‘I’m sorry Lady Aqua, I’m
just a little virgin otaku loser who died of shock in the most pathetic way
possible.’ I may give you a cheat item.”
She’s looking down on me.
Calm Down, Kazuma Sato, I’ve known her for a
long time, I should be able to endure it.
“Did you not hear me? Apologize, and do it quickly! Otherwise, I’ll
give you the ability to helplessly fall in love with old men and toss you to
the other world!”
I gave in, just to get going, “I-I’m sorry, Lady Aqua, I’m just a
little virgin otaku loser who died of shock in the most pathetic way possible…”,
I had to do it clenching my teeth.
She burst out laughing.
Whatever, I can handle it. Just remember that I won’t have to deal with
her after this. At least she doesn’t think I fell in love with her, compared to
that, this is tolerable.
“Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Was that so hard? Alright then, I’ll give you a
cheat item, you wanted the Demon Sword Laevateinn,
right?” Aqua looked excited.
“Yes, please, just give me, a poor NEET, a sacred treasure.” I’ll
definitely get back to her once this is over.
“Fufufufufu, you learned your lesson? Now you know better than angering
the gods!”
Seriously, why does she have the need to provoke me!?
Aqua spread her arms as a beam of light
appeared from above us, for once this is new, I haven’t seen her do this
before.
Finally, I’ll get a useful cheat item,
my heart is racing…!
“Take it, this is the sacred treasure
of your desires, the Demon Sword Laevateinn!”
With a serious expression on her face,
Aqua handed me a toilet brush.
***
After
registering at the guild with a crying Aqua in tow, I headed to a certain veteran
adventurer.
“Use your
power here.”
“Why?”
“Just do
it!”
“Sacred
Highness Heal!” Aqua used her magic on the injured old man.
“W-Why did
you do that all of a sudden—O-oh!?” He moved his legs curiously, his expression
changing to disbelief after his leg moved normally.
“Sorry to
interrupt you now that you’re so happy, but there’s something we need from you.
We want to raise our levels, I need to get to level three, that’s all.”
“Ah,
ah…Y-yes, I’ll be happy to help! I mean, you healed my wound so easily…” He
said crying of happiness.
Aqua had a
smug look on her face, “I am Aqua! Yes, Aqua, she who is venerated by the
Church of Axis! I came here to defeat the Demon King because this NEET selected
me to support him in his quest!”
I really
wished she wasn’t with me, but the old man is impressed, that’ll do for now.
“Goddess
Lady Aqua… is this real…? No, of course it is… do you want me to help you raise
your level? I may be a bit rusty, but with my healed knee, I’ll lend you my
sword!”
Finally,
things went smoothly. With the old man’s help I was able to get to level 4 the
day we arrived.
[Third redo,
day #2]
We’re not at
the usual stables…
Aqua and I
were enjoying a stay in an inn, a luxury provided by the old man who insisted
that raising our level wasn’t enough thanks.
Everything
is going perfect, except for the fact I’m stuck with Aqua again. Is she a
cursed item I can never avoid? Regardless of what I do, I always get stuck with
her.
Today’s goal
is to acquire blacksmithing skills and secure materials to make an oil lighter.
Fortunately,
the old man gave us some extra money even though he’s already covering our
living expenses.
He said it
was a donation to Lady Aqua, seems he converted to the Axis church, which is
great.
Well, great
for us.
“What’s up
with you? That fight yesterday was a mess, I’m not going to fight any more
frogs!”
The old man
was able to easily take down the frogs, but Aqua got too careless and was
almost swallowed by one. Seems that’s also a constant, regardless of who we are
with, Aqua always gets swallowed by a frog.
“We won’t be
taking quests for some time; we’ll just make money. First, I’ll learn
blacksmithing skills, then, we’ll stablish a business connection with a clumsy
shop owner. I’ll get some materials to make lighters and we’ll live carefree
from the profits.”
“I don’t
know why you’re so smart, but that doesn’t sound bad. Though, I don’t know why
you call some unknown store owner clumsy, aren’t you worried that person will
get angry?”
If anything,
I’m worried she may kill that clumsy shop owner as soon as she sees her.
***
Aqua shouted
as soon as she entered the shop.
“Turn
undead!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“Aqua! I
told you not to use magic!” I even told her right before we entered, just to be
sure.
I held out
my hand to the nearly transparent Wiz, “She’s about to disappear! Miss, you can
use Drain Touch, right? As an apology for the inconvenience my companion
caused, please drain as much as you can, just don’t die!”
“…I can see
my old friends across the river…”
I hurriedly
held Wiz’s right hand as she was murmuring some rather unsettling things, “Hey,
can you hear me!? Use Drain Touch! Do it just enough so you won’t die!”
“Drain…Touch…”
Wiz mumbled, barely conscious.
She slowly
regained color, I let go before she drained too much.
“Kazuma,
what do you think you’re doing!? That woman is a no-good lich, let go off her!”
“She is a
lich, but she’s not a bad person! Just stay away for a bit, you hurt her just
by being close!”
***
One hell of
an introduction, Aqua almost killed Wiz on our first meeting. After she
recovered, I approached her about doing business, being careful not to sound
suspicious.
“This is an
offer you can’t refuse… if you don’t want to be purified by Lady Aqua here,
you’ll have to buy the products I bring, capiche?”
“I-I
understand! I can’t replace my life, I’ll somehow earn money every month to
make sure I can pay, even If I have to stop eating…”
“Hold on,
it’s not protection money! I’ll give you something that will sell well, we’ll
both profit!”
Damn, Aqua
caused a terrible first impression, yet somehow, I was able to do worse! I
guess from her perspective we’re gangsters trying to steal her money.
Normally, we
would’ve met Wiz at a graveyard much later.
“P-please
believe in me! It’ll definitely be a profitable business for us both!”
“Kazuma, why
do you sound like someone trying to sell an investment scam?”
How did this
happen?!
Part 9
“Kazuma,
here are today’s profits! Thank you as always!”
“No, thank YOU
Wiz! I’m getting bored from making lighters every day, I’m thinking about
selling something else.”
The oil
lighters sold like crazy, which is only natural because I knew there’d be
demand for them.
It’s been a
while since our first meeting, Wiz and I are now very close business partners.
If she wasn’t so terrified by the goddess with murdering eyes behind me, the
business might’ve advanced even faster.
“By the way,
did you looked into what I asked? Do you think we could live there?”
“The
mansion? Yes, the landlord agreed to your terms. It’s rumored that the property
is haunted, are you sure you can live there…?”
Yes, I asked
her to see if she could get us the mansion.
Normally,
Wiz would arrange for us to get the mansion for free after Aqua exorcised most
of the ghosts in there. But she’s so wary of her now that she passes out
whenever I mention her healing magic.
“Most of the
ghosts there aren’t so bad, there’s a ghost of a little girl that is nice. If I
talk to her about my adventurers and Aqua cleanses the graveyard once in a
while, everything will be fine, right?”
“What? How
do you know that—? Ah, L-Lady Aqua can see the ghosts, right? Anyway, the
landlord gave me the key, here you go!”
Things are
going well; we got the mansion much earlier.
Beldia
already left for all we know, all that’s left to do is save enough money to
defeat the Destroyer.
***
Aqua and I
headed to the mansion.
“This is
amazing Kazuma! You got us a mansion just few days after we came in this world!
How come you were a NEET in your previous life?”
“I wasn’t a
NEET because I liked it, there was darkness in my heart…”
After we
assigned our rooms, Aqua and I headed back to town to get some furniture. While
we’re at it, might as well grab dinner at the guild.
“Things are
going so well this time, I don’t have sore muscles from working hard every day,
I didn’t have to sleep in the stables, and as long as I give you enough booze
to keep problems away, we should have a bright future ahead of us.”
“I feel like
that was an insult, but its fine as long as I get a drink. You get what I mean,
right?”
Is she going
to ask for the most expensive drink tonight too?
As long as I
can keep my cursed cheat item in check, this redo will go well.
***
There was a
strange atmosphere at the adventurer’s guild.
“Did you
hear? Mitsurugi was also attacked.”, “Seriously? Mitsurugi is the strongest
adventurer here.”
I don’t know
who they’re talking about, seems like a strong adventurer got attacked. I’m so
busy making pens I rarely come to the guild, I have no idea what’s going on.
“Kazuma,
hurry and go in. I want to get a drink!” Aqua pushed me into the rather
unwelcoming guild.
“How about
we go somewhere else? This place seems gloomy.”
“Huh? Well,
whatever, as long as I get a drink. You know, there’s a bar I’m curious about, it’s
on an odd back alley.”
“That place
is a rip off. If you go, you’ll get into a fight with the staff. I know of a
better place, let’s go.”
I know what
bar Aqua meant; I must keep her away from there at all costs.
Later.
“There’s an
extremely beautiful and powerful Archpriest somewhere in the city! Find her!”, “Where
are you, beautiful and talented Archpriest! I’ve been to all churches in town,
but I can’t find anyone who matches the description!”
Some hurried
voices could be heard outside the bar. After I heard the words ‘beautiful’,
‘talented’ and ‘Archpriest’ I turned to see the woman drunkenly talking in the
chair next to me.
There seems
to be some kind of commotion at the guild, I wonder if those two are ok.
For a moment
I thought about getting Aqua to help, but whatever is going on happened during
the time we would be working part-time, it’s better to just sit back and watch,
no need to do anything unnecessary.
I’ll try to
go to the guild once in a while to see how things are going.
“—hey, are
you listening to me? I’m the goddess of water, if you don’t take me seriously,
I’ll purify your drink!”
While
watching Aqua turn my drink into water, I decided to go back to the mansion and
sleep.
A few weeks
later.
I was
eavesdropping some conversations at the guild. I decided to check on here from
time to time. The other day, I heard some strong demon that appeared around
town was defeated.
That must’ve
been from the time Megumin was carried away on a stretcher.
I figured
she must’ve been flooded with requests to join other parties, but I’ve seen her
come every day, check the bulletin board and sigh, then she stands there, for
hours.
I think,
she’s trying to seem like a big deal, but she was shoed away by the guilt staff
for being a nuisance. I haven’t seen her speaking with anyone in days.
I’ve seen
Darkness occasionally too, she grabs a paper from the request board and heads
to the receptionist, but she’s always turned away after they tell her it’d be
reckless to take dangerous quests on her own. Then she sits at a table nearby
and just stays there.
“…”
I pretend I
haven’t seen anything and returned to the mansion.
***
Back home, I
was greeted by a drunk goddess.
“I’m back.”
“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!”
Aqua was laying on the couch in the exact same position as before I left.
“I’ve been
wondering, if this mansion is so big…?” Maybe it’s because I’m tired of being
alone with Aqua, or maybe it’s because I got used to living the four of us
together, but this place feels so empty.
Last two
times I couldn’t even get to this place; it feels like we’ve been living apart
for months.
With only
Aqua and I, the rotation of housework duties is rather tough too.
“Hey,
Kazuma, it’s nice to relax at home, but why don’t we go out for a drink once in
a while? I don’t feel too comfortable here, with just the three of us this
place feels desolate.”
“I guess
that wouldn’t be a bad idea—wait, three of us? Who is the other one? You mean
the ghost girl?”
“Of course,
right now she’s doing jumping jacks on your shoulders.”
Please tell
her to stop that.
I don’t have
much to talk about with Aqua anymore, it’s really boring just the two. When it
was the four of us, we would poke fun at each other all the time, things would
often go crazy…
I lit those
matches because I wanted to see another future. What if I got a useful cheat?
What if my party members were different?
Oh well,
everything will go back to normal soon enough.
[Third redo,
nearly over]
The match
should be going out any moment now.
I went to
the adventurer guild early in the morning with a sleepy Aqua in tow.
Quickly
looking around I found the two people I was looking for.
“Hey, it’s been a while since we came here! I like drinking at home, but it’s more fun to drink in a place with lots of people!”
“We didn’t
come here to drink. Causing a good first impression is important, just be quiet
for a moment, okay?”
“Yes, yes,
you don’t need to repeat yourself, trust me once in a while.” Immediately after
saying that she started looking at the drinks section in the menu.
She really
doesn’t listen to me, no matter how hard I try.
I spotted
Darkness checking the request board. After seemingly not finding one she wanted
she headed towards a table, looking very disappointed.
She’s true
to her desires, no matter what. Well, I’ve seen her do that so many times that
I’m not sure if she’s disappointed or sad, she always covers her face after
sitting down.
I don’t
think Megumin’s eating well, she’s gotten really thin. Looking at her eyes, she
seems like she lost all hope. I spotted her gazing at the request board, then staggering
to a table and laying on the side of her head, not moving.
If I don’t
do something, she might die…
I headed to
the counter and got a piece of paper from the receptionist, the kind used when
recruiting party members.
“Kazuma,
Kazuma, what are you going to do with that? Don’t you hate people?”
“The mansion
is spacious, isn’t it? Too spacious, it’d say, don’t you think it’d be better
if there were a couple more people?” I told Aqua after pasting the request.
A different
future…
Seeing them
now, I don’t want one.
The two
noticed me pasting the recruitment paper and quickly went to read it. Their
eyes widened in surprise.
[Urgent
recruitment!
We are
looking for an Archwizard that can use explosion magic and a sturdy Crusader.
As long as the conditions are met, no other skills required.
We are a
party of a novice adventurer and a drunk Archpriest. If you have the will to
defeat the Demon King, please come with us!]
Not long
after, I heard some familiar voices behind me.
Part 10
“—and then
we ended up living together with you guys as usual. Aqua got us a lot of debt
shortly afterwards, and Megumin had a bone to pick with a lot of people, but
that’s not something I want to get into details for now.” Tied up, I told them
of my exploits during the redos.
Yes, for
some reason, after I regained consciousness, I was wrapped with rope.
“You’re so
impatient Kazuma! Had you been nice to me you could’ve gotten a good sacred
treasure and do anything you ever imagined!”
“If you
think telling us a feel-good story will earn your forgiveness, you’re wrong!
Also, why do I almost starve to death in every retelling!?”
“And why was
I almost always an afterthought? Don’t claim you don’t care about me! I know
you have a burning desire; you always stare at me with lustful eyes!”
The three
were yelling.
However,
this feels rather nostalgic. For me, it’s been a long time since the four of us
were together like this.
Just for
today, I’m rather happy to hear their drivel.
“Hey,
Megumin, what’s wrong with him? He has a weird smile despite being tied up, is
Darkness weirdness transferring to him?”
I’d rather
not be compared to that perverted masochist, but just for now, I’ll let it
slide.
“That’s
disrespectful to Darkness. Even when she gets excited, she doesn’t look as
creepy and gross as him!”
Okay, maybe
going a little too far there…
“Wait, you
guys think I look like him!? Ugh, disgusting!”
…
“Shut up!
You all are so annoying! Give me another match, I’ll do it again, and this time
I’ll form a party with a cute girl that won’t cause me troubles and live a
happy adventure!”
They were
saying whatever they wanted!
“You get
angry after selfishly using all the matches? What about my alternate future, I
want a match!”
“Darkness,
just throw him in the garbage, the three of us will live peacefully together.
Fortunately, we don’t have debt, nor low levels. We’ll go for adventures
occasionally…”
“Yes, that
doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all Megumin. Tighten the ropes, there’s no way
he’ll just let himself be thrown away, we’ll have to be careful not to let him
use Steal.”
I jumped
like a shrimp to try to appeal to my ruthless friends, “You think I’m bad? You
guys are worse! Each of you is way worse than me!”
“Do you
really think is a good idea to provoke us further…?”
“Apologize!
And mean it! If you apologize properly, at least I, will forgive you.”
Hold on, are
they for real? I have to stop them!
“H-hey Aqua,
I need to ask you something, the other day I got a bill from the brewery, what
did you do?”
“I went on a
tour. They give you little samples from all the drinks, I thought it’d be a
good idea to drink for free. But seems I’m too divine and accidentally purified
all the alcohol in the brewery… I mean, it’s not like I can help it, so could
you please go and apologize for me?”
That’s one
out of three.
“Megumin, I
also received a bill from the adventurer’s guild, what did YOU do?”
“Remember
about the duxions I slayed near the lake the other day? Well apparently, the
shockwave from the explosion caused a tidal wave that destroyed a bridge… b-but
if that bridge was so weak to be washed away so easily an accident would’ve
happened sooner or later! In my eyes, I did nothing wrong, but please apologize
in my stead…”
Two out of
three.
“Darkness,
the other day an odd package with a magic tool for restraining monsters arrived
by the mail, what are you going to use it for? Did you not learn your lesson
with the slave collar?”
“A Crusader
never gives up, not even after a few failures. A Crusader also keeps their
business with magical tools private.”
“Don’t say
that! That’s three for three, you’re out!”
Megumin and
Darkness politely set me down right as we were by the door. While they avoided
eye contact, the silent Vanir suddenly opened his mouth.
“It may not
be as good as the slave collar, but I possess a magical binding tool. It’s
called a bond contract, any adventurer party that signs it will be cursed to
never disband—”
“We don’t
need that! Megumin stop, don’t touch that! I won’t pay for something so
disturbing!”
Megumin
happily received the contract as Darkness casually put the money down.
They’re nuts
if they think I’m signing that!
“A goddess
like me can’t be cursed, we won’t be able to use it. However, I know of a way
to deepen our bond.” Aqua said while releasing the ropes.
I think I
know where this is going.
“You know,
some high-grade shrimp arrived at my father’s house recently, how about I bring
some to the mansion?”
“Then I’ll
go with Kazuma to the river to finish our daily routine. Shrimp alone won’t cut
it; I’ll use my explosion magic to catch lots of fish!”
Megumin and
Darkness also figured it out.
“Yes, let’s
celebrate our little virgin otaku hikikomori tsundere NEET, who no matter what,
always chooses us. Let’s have a good time drinking, forget about money for now,
we’ll start working hard again tomorrow!”
I can’t
forget about the money, but I am in the mood for drinking.
It’s a
normal day for them, but for me, this is like reuniting with dear friends after
a long time.
After being
released, I stood up and gestured I gave in.
No matter
how many times I went back or what I tried to change, one constant remained, we
always ended up together, like some kind of cosmic punchline.
And you know
what? I like it this way. Seeing my precious friends so happy together is a
sacred treasure I wouldn’t change.
Not for
anything in the world.
[1] As part of this chapter retreats Volume 1. The translation by Yen
Press was used whenever dialogue/situations are the same.
[2] Here’s another
joke that can’t be translated. Kazuma asks Aqua to catch saury, a fish typical
in east Asia that is known as sanma in Japanese, which means autumn knife fish
when written in kanji because the fish kind of look like knives. Aqua makes a
pun related to that.
[3] This is not me using ancient internet memes, there’s a Skyrim reference on the original text.
Contents
Wholesome party, Thanks for the translation. I hope the author should continue this series.
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