Monsters Night!

Credits

Feel free to translate this to other languages, just make sure to keep this section.

Monsutazu Naito! by Natsume Akatsuki

Originally published alongside Konosuba: Legend of Crimson! BD on March 25, 2020

Japanese scans provided by snowdan07

English translation by H. Berry ( aitch99berry@gmail.com )

Part 1

I lazily shook my head as I walked down the stairs.

“Mornin’. What’s for breakfast?”

“It’s almost dinner time,” Darkness replied, sipping tea with a book in hand, “I think there’s some lunch leftovers, creamy mushroom pasta and seafood salad,” she placed a bookmark and stood up.

We handle housework on rotation. Today, it’s Darkness’ turn to cook.

“As expected of a noblewoman, your cooking’s pretty fancy. Megumin usually sticks to simple stuff like meat and potatoes, and Aqua makes the easiest things imaginable. You can really see their personalities in their food.”

“That’s true. And you mostly just stir-fry vegetables. But it’s tasty, so I have no complaints…”

She set the food down in front of me, then stood there, clearly waiting for something.

I clapped my hands together, “Thanks for the food,” before quickly eating the pasta, “It’s... okay, I guess.”

“Hrgh...! I wish you’d just praise me once in a while, even if it’s just lip service!”

Despite the scolding tone, her body squirmed, she’s clearly enjoying this.

If I humor her for long, my food will get cold, so I finished up quickly and followed it with some tea.

“I’ve been wondering Darkness, just what are your boundaries? You act like such a masochist, but when things get intense, you always pull back.”

“No matter what you say, I’m not a masochist. I’m just a normal crusader who occasionally enjoys... certain types of play.”

“You owe crusaders everywhere an apology.”

I’m well aware of how weird the Axis Cultist and Crimson Magic Clan are, but even if ‘ordinary crusaders’ can be like this. Then I should root for the Demon King’s Army to wipe out humanity.

Darkness cleared her throat, dodging my skeptical look, “Well, it’s not like you’re one to talk. Nevertheless, it’s best to respect boundaries. For example…let’s say I’m imprisoned in a cell and chained up, and a man is going to release a magically modified slime that dissolves clothes on me. After teasing me, he says, ‘What’s with that longing look on your face? Muahahaha… I like to save the fun for later, we’re done for now,’ and I feel relieved, but then he says, ‘Did you really think I’d do that! There’s no way I’d let you off the hook, you idiot!’ It was a trap all along! Then, he howls like a beast—”

She got so into her fantasy she started talking faster and faster. I tuned her out.

“—if you didn’t do it, then who the heck did!?” Megumin’s voice suddenly rang out.

In the kitchen, she was holding an empty bottle, glaring at Aqua.

“I didn’t do it! I swear! If I found something that expensive in the kitchen, I’d brag to Kazuma right away! And then he’d scold me, I’d cry, and I’d have to apologize!”

“What kind of excuse is that!? Your breath reeks of alcohol!”

Sounds like Aqua drank the pricey booze Megumin bought.

“Sure, Aqua’s obviously guilty here. But Megumin, you’re too young to be drinking anyway.”

“Are you treating me like a child again!? I didn’t buy it for me! The other day, none of you would accompany me on my daily explosion walk, so I went alone. But after using all my power I got lost on the way back. An adventurer happened to be passing by and helped me, so as thanks—”

“I keep telling you, I didn’t drink it!”

Megumin’s story made me curious, but Aqua fervently denied her involvement…

“If it wasn’t you, then did a burglar break in? I mean, we don’t have valuables, but this is a mansion...”

“We do have valuables, my collection of oddly shaped rocks—! Ah!” Aqua suddenly pointed to the corner.

Megumin and I looked over, but there was nothing there.

“It was her! The ghost girl drank it! Apologize! Say you’re sorry for drinking it!” Aqua stood with her hands on her hips, scolding the empty corner.

“Are you confessing by accident, or do you seriously expect us to believe in some ghost girl only you can see?”

“It was her! She’s been floating around looking smug all day!”

Megumin let out a tired sigh. “This again? We’ve lived here forever, and I’ve never seen this ghost. You’re an Archpriest, sure, but how can you see them?”

“If I see that ghost girl, I’ll believe it wasn’t you.”

Aqua puffed up smugly, “Fine! I’ll cast a spell so you can see her. But fair warning, once it’s active, you’ll see all sorts of things you really shouldn’t!”

“That won’t be necessary, I believe you. Just use it on Kazuma.”

“Hey, don’t chicken out at the last second! ...Tch, fine, I’ll do it! Don’t underestimate a shut-in who used to surf the web all day. I can handle some unsettling imagery!”

In a world with demons and undead, ghosts aren’t out of place, nothing to be scared of.

…Right?

“Wait! I’ll just buy another bottle—!”

“Eyes of Providence!” Aqua cast her spell.

For a moment, a dazzling light filled my vision.

And then…

“Nothing’s changed.”

“What do you mean!? Look properly, the girls over there. Ah! She left! She’s trying to make me look like a liar!”

How convenient. The ghost girl ran off the second I got ghost-vision.

“Hey, ghost girl! If you drank it, don’t do it again, or I’ll give you a good scolding!”

“That’s right! This disgusting man will steal your underwear as punishment!”

“Yeah, I’ll—What did you say!?”

With Aqua clinging to me in tears, I returned to the living room to finish my tea.

“—Get your hands off me! No matter what kind of erotic torment you subject me to, I’ll never give in! …Ahh, that magic tool!? Nooo! Using something like that is just too cowardly…!”

...I quietly left the house, not wanting to interrupt Darkness’ fantasy.

As I strolled aimlessly, I came across Yunyun being hit on by a flashy-looking man.

“Come on, don’t ignore me. You may have an aura of misfortune, but I bet we’d have fun together. So, why don’t you treat me? Come on, let’s be friends.”

“Kazuma! What are you doing here?” Yunyun ran over to me, completely ignoring the man.

…That’s a surprise. I thought she’d be the type to follow anyone who asked to be her friend.

“It’s noisy at home, so I went for a walk. What about you?”

“Well, I kind of wanted to go for a walk, so I went for a walk… and I bumped into you. What a coincidence!”

“That’s a lie! This girl’s been pacing up and down this street since morning! Every time she sees someone she knows, she says, ‘What a coincidence!’”

What.

“Yunyun, you can come hang out anytime you want.”

“W-what are you talking about? It’s not like I’ve been walking back and forth or anything! I-I-I-I’m not pretending! This is all a coincidence! I have no ulterior motives! I wasn’t laying in wait or anything! A coincidence is a coincidence!” Yunyun babbled, her face beet red. “A-anyway, I have to go on a quest, so I’ll see you later! B-but if you say it’s fine, then maybe I’ll visit you. I might bring some snacks, and juice, and wi—”

“You don’t need to bring anything! Come visit anytime you like!”

Beaming, she dashed toward the main gate.

The pickup artist, on the other hand, muttered, “…Man, what a waste. She had a baby face but some bazongas. Totally my type. And she seemed lonely, I figured she’d be easy…”

“She’s a loner alright, but if even she ignores you, you have no chance. Also, she looks young because she is. She’s only 14, you know.”

He turned, horrified.

I get it. With that body, I wouldn’t believe she’s 14 either.

Leaving him frozen, I walked off and soon found myself in an alley just off the main street.

“…Hmm? Is there a bar around here?”

I thought I knew every place in town, but a bar sign I didn’t recognize caught my eye at the end of the alley. Apparently, it opens from midnight to dawn.

I’d already had breakfast and lunch and wasn’t planning on dinner, but since they’re open until morning, maybe I’ll stop by when I get hungry later.

Part 2

“Welco…me…” The bartender’s voice trailed off as I opened the door.

Not only that, everyone inside looked at me in surprise.

Maybe this is one of those places that only accepts regulars?

…Wait a second. Now that I’m looking properly, everyone here is—

“This is your first time here, right? Are you aware of what kind of place this is?”

The person who said that was a red-furred wolf girl, seemingly the owner of this place.

Everyone else had animal ears and tails—typical beastkind[1].

In a typical isekai anime, discrimination is common. That probably goes for beastkind here too. Maybe they get kicked out of restaurants because people think their fur is unsanitary. So, they made this place for themselves. A safe place.

“I get how you feel. Prejudice sucks. I’m also misunderstood, even though I never do anything wrong.”

Prejudice against shut-in otakus is real.

Instead of going to school, I just stayed home and played games. I wasn’t bothering anyone…

“If that’s the case, you’re more than welcome here. We’ve got some open seats at the counter, take your pick.”

With the owner’s nod, everyone else relaxed.

“Mister, you can be yourself here, okay? Nobody’ll mind,” said a cheerful dog-eared girl besides me as I sat down.

‘Be yourself,’ that reminded me of something that happened back when I was a student.

A girl who described herself as the friendly type that was in the same class as me once told me. ‘I understand otakus, you’re not gross to me. Just be yourself, Satou.’

I took her seriously and started talking enthusiastically about a game I was crazy about at the time, but afterwards she became distant, and soon enough stop talking to me altogether.

I still think about that sometimes.

“I appreciate it, but… no thanks. Someone said that to me once. The moment I showed who I was, they left me. I can’t do that again.”

“Ah, sorry! That was insensitive. Please forget I said it!”

I appreciated the dog-eared girl’s kindness, but I couldn’t help wondering: if I hadn’t gone on so hard about dating sims that day, maybe things would’ve turned out differently.

The bar owner slid a glass in front of me. “On the house. Sounds like you’ve had a rough time. But don’t let that sour your opinion of this place.”

“Thanks. I’m a night owl, so a bar like this is perfect. I’ll definitely be back.”

The dog-eared girl took a sip of her drink and smiled. “Most folks here are nocturnal. This place is cozy for our kind. Cheers to our new friend!”

“Cheers!” several others chimed in, raising their glasses.

I sipped the strong drink, and munched on some snacks, when the door behind me opened.

“Hey, I’m back, hmm? Haven’t seen you before. You new?” A large wolfman[2] entered.

Seems he’s a regular. He snorted and sat beside me.

“Hmm, judging by your smell, you’re not beastkind… an undead, maybe? Vampire?”

“Nope. Though technically, vampires aren’t really undead. Still, there’s a theory that shut-in otakus are basically undead.”

Pale, unhealthy, nocturnal. Yeah, not that different from the undead of this world.

“I see, good. Not a fan of vampires… Hate the way the control wolves, think they can boss us wolfkind as if we were their minions…”

“Yeah, vampires are full of themselves. I know a lich, though, she’s pretty nice. Are undead races really that different?”

The whole bar perked up at that.

“You know a lich? No way!” the dog-eared girl exclaimed. “That’s amazing, mister! Do you know any other non-humans?”

“Other? Well, there’s also a devil, I guess… but the people I live with are all human, I think?”

The useless goddess doesn’t really count. And does the Crimson Magic Clan count as human?

The bar owner silently handed a drink to the wolfman while everyone looked at me with hesitant curiosity.

“You know a devil and a lich... I don’t mean to sound rude, but when you first came here, I thought you were just a normal human…”

“Don’t sweat it. People say that about me all the time.”

Even though I’m a veteran adventurer, I get treated like some regular nobody. People at the guild sometimes forget I exist...

The dog-eared girl’s eyes sparkled with joy. “It’s amazing how well you blend in, mister! You must put in a lot of effort.”

Effort, huh.

Back when I was a shut-in, I never imagined I’d be able to walk into a bar like this on my own. That whole recluse period really left a mark on me.

“I wasn’t always like this. I used to have a hard time... just talking to people…”

“I know, right? It’s hard to speak human language! But you do a great job!”

She was genuinely impressed. The others listening in seemed to be too. The whole vibe here was relaxed, this place has a good atmosphere.

I think I’m healing from all my trauma…

This is how a fantasy world should be. Look at these people with animal ears!

I really hope it’s okay for a human like me to hang out in this beastkind bar. I really like it here.

“Oh, I just remembered,” the wolfman said, finishing his drink. “There’s a notice up at the adventurer’s guild. Some street thug’s been stirring trouble in our peaceful little town. Everyone should be careful when walking outside late at night. Folks say the only thing known about them is they’ve got red eyes. Rumor has it their body’s been taken over by some evil spirit.”

“You kinda fit that description, don’t you?” He pointed at the bar owner. “You’re the only one I know with red eyes. Be careful, or you might get mistaken for the culprit. If the cops use one of those magic tools that detects body features, they’ll be after you for sure.”

“I know! Some grumpy police officers came poking around here today—oh, are you leaving already?”

After downing the last of my drink, I slapped some money on the counter and stood up. “Y-yeah, I’ve got something urgent to take care of. ‘Kaythxbye!”

Part 3

“Give up, Megumin! You’re clearly the one the police are after! You’ve got red eyes!”

“Darkness, wait! Sure, I don’t have an alibi, but do you have any proof I’m guilty!? There’s none, stop assuming I’m the culprit!”

I arrived home only to find the obvious street thug locked in a shouting match with Darkness.

“Hey, street thug, let’s go and apologize quickly. First to the guild, and then to the police. And then to the owner of a certain bar.”

“You too, Kazuma!? Fine, then show me any proof I’m guilty—”

I grabbed the red-eyed thug by the collar. “If you’re innocent, we’ll go straight to the police and have you tested with the magic lie detector. If it says you’re clean, great. If it doesn’t, I’m personally dragging your ass to jail!”

“Fine, I admit it. Yes, I committed the crimes. But I won’t forgive the way you both suspected me without any proof!”

“Wait a minute!” Aqua, who’d been watching everything from the sides, lost her temper, “Megumin, earlier you assumed I drank your booze without any proof! Apologize! Apologize for suspecting of me!”

“I still believe it was you…”

“Hey, you said she’s a wanted criminal, right? Let’s just turn her in. Maybe jail time will make her reflect a bit. And to make sure she doesn’t escape, I’ll use Drain Touch to suck out her mana every day—”

“A-apologizing’s not enough, right!? L-let’s buy some gifts! Kazuma, you’re on housework duty next, aren’t you? I’ll do it! Just lend me some money!” Megumin blurted out, cutting me off before I could say anything.

“Don’t do this again, Axel person of interest #2. One more stunt like this and you’re spending the night in a holding cell.”

“Wait, what does that mean!? Who’s person of interest #1!?”

After leaving the station, #2 and I went straight to the bar.

“What were you thinking? What’s the point of causing all that trouble? You should be grateful they let you off with just an apology.”

“They agreed to withdraw my bounty after I apologized to the victims. Look, Kazuma, the reason I did it is—”

While Megumin tried to explain herself, we arrived at the bar.

“Alright, when we go in, make sure to apologize properly and don’t attack anyone, got it, #2?”

“Stop calling me that! And what are we even doing here? I thought we were going to some bar! This looks like some house.”

Ignoring her, I opened the door and stepped inside. Megumin followed behind and froze.

“Welcome… Um, aren’t you the guy from yesterday? Is she a friend of yours…?”

“Yes, this girl is from the Crimson Magic Clan as you can see. She’s the culprit for the random attacks we talked about.”

Everyone stared, especially as Megumin began passing out gifts.

“I see, so that’s why you brought me here. This woman and I have the same eye color. I’m sorry for the trouble I caused.”

The bar owner looked stiff and uneasy as she accepted her gift.

“Y-yeah, that’s fine…well, can I ask you a few questions? First of all, did you find anything mysterious about this place?”

“The world is full of mysteries. Like the tale that if you enter a dead-end cave at dusk, it leads to hell. Or how fairies offer prayers to fallen goblins on the night of the new moon.”

“You call those fairy tales?”

Megumin gave the bar owner a knowing smile. “Are you hiding here in preparation for the resurrection of the God of Destruction? If so, I’d like to join you. I have strong opinions on the God of Destruction.”

“N-no! We’re not doing anything dangerous like that! We’re not strong enough to fight, we’re just blending in, trying to live normal lives!”

God of Destruction…?

“I see. So that’s why you use magic to hide the bar’s exterior. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about this place, or about you. But if you are after the God of Destruction, count me in.” She winked.

“…What the hell are you talking about? Do I need to take you back to the police?”

We sat down at the counter. I was curious about what triggered Megumin’s rampage.

“The other day, some ignorant adventurers were mocking my Crimson Magic Clan ancestry. They said things like, ‘Haha, why are your eyes red? Did some bully make you cry?’”

…Oh yeah, that definitely didn’t end well for them.

Perhaps because of that, her victims had readily withdrawn their complaints…

She clenched her fists tightly at the memory. The beastkind around her began showing signs of empathy, as if they’d gone through something similar themselves.

“So, I thought to myself, seems I must spread the name of the great Crimson Magic Clan throughout the world. So… I decided to attack those foolish adventurers, to give them nightmares so they’d never dare cross me again!”

“And so, you picked a fight…”

She’s supposed to have high intelligence. Why does she behave like a knucklehead half the time?

“That’s right! And after they were defeated by this Crimson Magic Clanswoman, I told them I’d unleash my Explosion magic on them if they dared report me to the police—!”

“Let’s go back and apologize to the guild! Not only did you harass them, you extorted them!”

I stood up and tried to drag her away, but she resisted, causing everyone around us to burst into laughter.

“Come on, chill out, mister! I know it was terrible of her to use violence, but that was hilarious!”

“Well, if you’re all okay with her…” I sat back down.

Beside me, the dog-eared girl and Megumin chatted away, they probably get along well because they seem to be the same age.

“Hey, does the Crimson Magic Clan count as human? Or are you more like demons or monsters?”

“That’s a difficult question. Our magical power exceeds that of high-ranking demons, but we consider ourselves enemies of the Demon King… What I’m sure of is that we’re beyond mere foolish humans.”[3]

I hope she hasn’t forgotten she borrowed money from me, a mere foolish human, to buy those gifts.

Later that night, Megumin became indignant about the beastkind’s situation and tried to mobilize them in protest. She also forced a wolfman to let her touch his tail, among other things.

All in all, it was a fun night.

Part 4

At dusk the next day, Aqua’s loud voice rang out through the mansion.

“Hey, you two! Just what have you been up to? Fess up!”

We got back before dawn and slept until now. For some reason, we were being unreasonably harassed.

“We just woke up! What are you on about?”

“You two spent all night alone outside! What were you doing? Huh? Huuuuuh?!”

Oh.

“Wait a minute, it’s not like that—!”

“T-that’s right, Aqua! We’re just friends!”

“Your clothes reek of alcohol! I knew you were partying until morning! And you had the nerve to blame me for drinking the booze! Apologize! And do it quickly!”

…

“Listen, I’ll take you to the bar, but you better not cause any trouble, okay?”

“What do you take me for, Kazuma? I can’t make that kind of promise if the bar is run by devils or undead.”

That made me uneasy.

The Axis Cult says everything and everyone is forgiven… except devils and undead. They probably don’t discriminate against beastkind, though.

“I’m hungry. Let’s eat there. Let’s invite Darkness too.”

But just as we were about to leave—

“Where are you three going this time of night? You know it’s dangerous lately. I think it’s best if you don’t…” Darkness came down from the second floor.

“We’re going out for dinner. I was going to invite you too, but… why are you wearing your armor? The red-eyed thug already turned herself in, it’s safe now.”

“Well, that’s… no, I shouldn’t get you involved. I’m not hungry. You three go ahead,” Darkness said, trying to see us off.

“I know you’re trying to sound noble and all, but you should know the police lists you as person of interest #5.”

“W-what?! Kazuma, what did you just say—?!”

I left with Aqua and Megumin, leaving the screaming Darkness behind.

“I’ve always been curious about this place,” Aqua said as we entered the shop. “So it’s a hangout for beastkind?”

The owner gave a wry smile, probably nervous about me bringing a new face every day.

“H-hi. Following from yesterday, you brought another really beautiful girl.”

“Kazuma, Kazuma! Let’s drink here from now on!”

“‘Following from yesterday’ means I’m also a beautiful girl. I agree, let’s become regulars.”

“As long as you pay your tab, you can do whatever you want.”

Megumin and I sat down and ordered.

“So, seeing how you asked about non-humans the other day, how should I put it—” I began, but the owner interrupted with a grin.

“You seem completely unfazed by us. You must be a member of the Axis Cult.”

“To be exact, I’m the object of worship of the Axis Church, Lady Aqua herself! I’m but a goddess, not a human. Don’t confuse.”

“Ignore her. Just give her a drink and she’ll quiet down.”

Aqua tried to grab me, but the dog-eared girl was watching us with a smile.

“If you can see this place, that means you’re not human. If that’s so—you’re welcome!” She took a sip from her glass.

“Huh? Humans can’t see this place?” Megumin asked.

“Of course not. There’s a barrier around here that only non-humans can see through. To everyone else, this just looks like a normal house. Um… you did see the sign, right?”

“O-of course! I’m not some ordinary human!” Megumin answered a little too quickly. An obvious lie, she really must enjoy not being treated like everyone else.

…But why can I see it?

“You’re really something! All kinds of people come here, but you’re the first one to claim to be a goddess! Hahahaha!”

“That just proves how rare goddesses are! Wolf girl, bring me another round!”

Leaving Aqua aside, I remembered what happened when I came here with Megumin. If I recall, she said this place looked like an ordinary house to her.

…Ah, right. The other day, Aqua cast a spell on me so I could see things I wasn’t supposed to.

“Yes! I knew it! The Crimson Magic Clan aren’t mere humans… Wait, even if you’re a Crimson Magic Clanswoman, you’re too young to drink. How about some juice instead?”

“Stop treating me like a child! If I’m just a kid, then this man, who tried to make moves on me when we shared a bed back in the Crimson Magic Village, must be a pe—!”

I immediately clamped my hand over Megumin’s mouth and avoided eye contact with the bar owner. Whatever she was about to say, it wasn’t good, and it’s most definitively not true.

Then

The front door slammed open.

“Everyone, freeze! This shop is suspected of being a monster hideout! We’re conducting an inspecti…on…?”

The knight who burst through the door froze mid-sentence. I gently pushed her back outside and quietly shut the door.

“Leave this to me! Everyone, out the back!” I shouted, throwing my weight against the door.

“Kazuma, Megumin, Aqua! What are you all doing in there!? Open up!” Darkness yelled as she tried to force the door open.

“If she’s here, there’s probably a whole squad of knights too! What now!?”

“I’ll clear the way! Follow me!”

“Don’t make this worse! Open the door now and you might avoid jail time!”

Led by Megumin, the others fled through the back exit.

“Kazuma, Kazuma! What do I do!?”

“Help me hold the door! Damn, she’s strong!”

Even with my full weight against it, Darkness was slowly prying the door open.

“It’s a serious crime to shelter monsters! Even ones trying to blend into human society!”

Ignoring her warning, Aqua stepped in beside me and helped shove the door shut again.

“Create Water!”

“Freeze!”

“Wha—!? What did you do!? Someone get me a hammer! I’ll tear this door down myself! Aqua, Kazuma, I will punish you both for this!”

“Kazuma, Kazuma! When we get home, you better protect me!”

“I’m getting scolded too! That’s not happening!”

So now we were barricaded in here. What the hell do we do next?

As I thought, the bar owner appeared. “Hey… do you know that knight? If you stay here, things might end badly for you.”

Apparently, she stayed behind with us.

“Yeah, she’s a friend. Honestly, I think she found this place because Megumin did something stupid. I know an apology won’t cut it, but I’m really sorry.”

“No, no. This is a human town—it’s our fault for sneaking in. But more importantly…”

A loud thud echoed through the bar as something heavy slammed against the door. The wood groaned as it bent.

“I have an especially keen nose, even among wolfkind. I’m especially sensitive to human scents. I know you’re human, so, why are you helping us?”

Ah, she figured me out. She looked deeply curious, like she had to know the reason before she could flee.

“I’m grateful to everyone here. You healed something inside me. It was brief, but… I haven’t had a single nightmare since we met.”

“…Really?”

The kindness from everyone in this bar came rushing back to me all at once. Even offering them my body wouldn’t be enough to repay what they gave me.

She looked troubled.

“—Foolish humans! Stand in my way, and I’ll show you the might of the Crimson Magic Clan!”

We could hear shouting from the back.

“Person of interest #2 is here! Make sure to keep your distance, Someone hit her with Bind!”

“Her eyes are glowing! If she gets any angrier, she’ll explode! Everyone, fall back!”

“Evacuate the area! This is bigger than monsters—call for reinforcements!”

Looks like some lunatic was making a scene.

The bar owner smiled, “I don’t understand, but I’m glad your old wounds have healed. That’s the mission of this place, for people to heal, to escape from injustice. I’ll be sure to open the shop again. Be sure to visit us, someday, somewhere!”

As she headed toward the back, Aqua raised a hand. “Make sure to invite me too! I’ll cast a powerful spell; no human will ever see through it! Not even magic tools will work!”

The bar owner turned back and smiled warmly.

“Aqua! Support magic, now!”

“You got it! We’ve come this far; we’re fighting our way out!”

“I told you I’d lecture you when we get home! And after that, you’re going straight to jail!”

Darkness finally smashed through the door. Behind her stood a line of armored knights.

“For us Japanese, animal ears are sacred! I’ll protect these beast girls with my life! BRING IT OOOOOOOOOOOON!”

With Aqua’s buffs, I charged into battle.

Part 5

Darkness picked me up from jail some time later. The fresh air felt amazing after being cooped up for so long.

“I don’t want to see you here again, Person of Interest #6!” a policeman called out as I left.

“Wait, I have a number too? And seems I’m ranked quite high!”

After leaving the police station in protest, Darkness and I walked through the city.

“You caused so much trouble! Beastkind—intelligent, human-like monsters—are allowed to live in towns, you know. They just have to go through an approval process first. Why did you assume they’d be discriminated against?”

“I didn’t know! I just figured, y’know, that kind of thing usually happens! Besides, you’re not innocent either! Anyone would fight back if someone barged into their home like that!”

After explaining the situation, we were let go pretty quickly—the charges weren’t that serious. Aqua and Megumin had already been released, but since I was the “main culprit” behind helping the beastkind escape, I got to enjoy jail the longest.

“If we ever see them again, we should help them apply for the approval. That way, they can live here in peace.”

“I hope we do. That was my favorite shop. Shame some cruel woman broke in and scared off a bunch of harmless people…”

“I-I didn’t mean to! We’ve had Demon King’s Army remnants hiding in the city, okay!? I was just trying to protect everyone!”

Ignoring Darkness’s flustered excuses, we reached the main street—only to find something weird going on.

“N-no, thank you! I don’t really like this kind of invitation... and, uh, as for ghosts, well…” Wiz was carrying several shopping bags and appeared to be talking to thin air.

…Now that I think about it, isn’t this where Yunyun was getting hit on the other day?

“Hey Darkness, did you know there’s a ghost around here that likes to flirt with girls?”

“Quit talking nonsense. If there really is a ghost here, I’ll hand walk through the main street topless.”

“Huh!? Kazuma, Darkness! What are you doing here!? K-Kazuma, help me get rid of this ghost—!”

“Darkness, don’t cover your ears! You made a promise! You have to keep your word!”

Then, right on cue, we heard a quiet chuckle behind us.

Turning around, I saw a beautiful young woman with red hair and stern eyes standing there, holding a stack of flyers.

“…Ah, sorry for laughing. I just thought that was fun.”

“Please take this. It’s for a new shop. Open from midnight to dawn. Feel free to visit,” she said, handing me a flyer. “If you can see what others can’t, please come.”

“Oh! One for me too? Thank you! It’s close by, so I’ll definitely drop in!” Wiz accepted a flyer of her own. “I don’t usually visit bars, but if you’re inviting me...”

“It sounds interes—”

“You’re not welcome.”

Darkness froze at the girl’s cold reply.

As the woman turned and walked away, I looked down at the flyer.

Open from midnight to dawn. The shop is protected by an extremely powerful barrier, ensuring complete safety. Monsters Night, a place of healing for all races, is now open!

I glanced up at the red-haired girl as she disappeared into the crowd, while Darkness stood next to me, blushing and panting.

With Aqua’s magic, she and I became regulars at that place, going there about once a week.

Losing Weight in Another World!

Credits

Feel free to translate this to other languages, just make sure to keep this section.

Isekai shiki Daietto by Natsume Akatsuki

Originally published alongside Konosuba Manga Volume 2 on December 5, 2016 as a bonus for the ebook version.

English translation by H. Berry (aitch99berry@gmail.com)

One afternoon.

“Hey! Where’s Aqua?”

After finishing a quest that morning, Darkness, Megumin, and I were hanging out in the adventurer’s guild when a female adventurer approached us.

“She said she felt some evil presence and went off somewhere. Did she do something?”

The girl’s face twitched slightly, as if she were hesitant, “W-well, I paid a lot of money to have a… spell cast on me, but the other day, she came up and dispelled it…” she mumbled in a low voice.

“Why would she do that? Was it a support spell? I’ll go find her and have her cast the same spell again.”

Here in the guild, there are lots of people who cast support spells for a fee, usually retired adventurers, like priests or shamans, looking to earn a bit of cash now that they’re past their prime.

It’s useful for parties that don’t have healers; these people cast buffs and support magic before they head out on quests.

“U-um… it wasn’t really a support spell, per se… I’ll just be careful around her from now on. I don’t want it to get dispelled again…” she glanced around, uneasy.

…I don’t get what she’s talking about.

And then—

“Hey, Kazuma! Where’s Aqua!?”

Another female adventurer burst in, making a beeline straight for me and grabbing me by the collar.

That idiot. What did she do this time?

“C-calm down! Aqua went out somewhere and hasn’t come back yet. Did she dispel a support spell from you, too?”

“Um… not exactly a support spell, per se. But…”

“What’s going on?” Megumin asked between bites of fried frog. She was sitting next to me like this was any other day, “What kind of spell was it, then? I don’t think Aqua would go around dispelling magic for no reason.”

“I agree,” said Darkness, folding her arms. “She’s an Archpriest. I don’t understand why she’d undo useful magic.”

The two female adventurers exchanged nervous glances.

And speak of the useless goddess—

“You can’t fool me! Now, tell me what you were thinking when you did that!”

“P-please spare me! I was just working—”

She was harassing a man in a black robe.

“Hey everyone, look! I caught this suspicious man who’s been cursing people! If we turn him in, we might get a reward!”

“P-please don’t! I haven’t been reported for anything—I haven’t done anything wrong!”

As the man flailed in panic, the two adventurers from earlier awkwardly averted their eyes.

Suspicious, I walked over. “Curses? This crazy girl’s an Archpriest, she’s pretty sensitive to that kind of thing.”

“Crazy girl?!” Aqua shot back.

“N-no, it’s not what you think! Yes, I’ve been casting curses, but only because people asked me to! I’m a shaman[4]. It’s literally my job!”

Darkness rose to her feet, cracking her knuckles. “So you admit it. You know it’s forbidden for shamans to use curses on people.”

“I’ve heard of a subclass of shamans known as Dark Shamans[5],” Megumin chimed in, totally unbothered. “Criminals who curse people and then extort them to lift the curse.”

“Wait! I’m not a Dark Shaman!”

The man scrambled to defend himself, while the two adventurers looked more and more uncomfortable.

…What’s with their reactions?

Were they his victims?

“Then why have you been going around cursing people, and why only girls?”

The man dropped his head and sighed.

“…It’s a curse that suppresses appetite.”

The noisy guild fell silent.

Aqua took the man’s hand, smugly raising it like a prize. “You all heard him! I’ve been going around lifting this guy’s curses off all the women in town! Now, let’s go to the police—”

“Please wait a moment!”

Several voices rang out at once.

I glanced around. Most of the female adventurers were suddenly looking very interested in the floor.

Ah. I get it now.

“You all want to lose weight?” Aqua blinked, then grinned. “I can help with that using my magic! It'll cost you just 30,000 Eris… Who’s in?”

One by one, the female adventurers, and even the guild receptionist, timidly raised their hands.

Including Darkness, who had been furious just a moment ago.

[1] This term is more often translated as beastman, I decided to use beastkind to be broader as there are many beastwomen in the story.

[2] To describe this guy Akatsuki uses the term オオカミ男, which is often translated as werewolf. I called him wolfman, as Kazuma describes everyone as half human, half animal hybrids, while wolfmen are people who turn into wolves.

[3] I had to change this a lot to use Crimson Magic Clan, but if I used Crimson Demons, then it’ll go like this: “That’s a difficult question. While we have the word ‘Demon’ in our name, we consider ourselves enemies of the Demon King… I’m not sure, but what I’m sure of is that we’re beyond mere foolish humans.”

[4] An alternative translation is Witch Doctor.

[5] Taking some liberties here, Megumin describes it more like Vengeful/Revenge Shaman/Witch Doctor.