Three-Round Duel with S-Rank Adventurers!

Credits

Feel free to translate this to other languages, just make sure to keep this section.

S-Kyuu Boukensha Sanbanshoubu! by Natsume Akatsuki

Originally published alongside Konosuba: Legend of Crimson! BD on March 25, 2020

Japanese scans provided by snowdan07

English translation by H. Berry (aitch99berry@gmail.com)

Part 1

It’s been a while since our heroic deeds saved the Crimson Magic Village.

Since returning to Axel, I’ve been trying to recover from the battle with Sylvia.

“Whoops! I tripped!”

“Oh dear. You there, you dropped your adventurer’s card. Huh? You’re Kazuma Satou! The Kazuma Satou, the adventurer who’s defeated several Demon King Army generals!”

I collapsed with exaggerated flair as my adventurer’s card was handed back to me.

“…What exactly are you two doing?” Megumin asked, clearly exasperated.

“We’re practicing how to casually drop our adventurer’s cards in front of passersby. If Aqua picks it up at just the right moment, it lets people accidentally find out who I am,” I explained, lounging on the couch.

“…So what you’re saying is, you want to flaunt your past achievements and fish for attention?”

“Exactly! Not just for me though, Aqua too. You want in?”

Megumin looked genuinely conflicted, “I do. But when you introduce me, make sure you say I’m Megumin, the one who’s delivered the finishing blow to many Demon King Army generals with my explosion magic!”

“Got it, got it. That’s an easy fix.”

“Wait, what about me? How are you planning to introduce me?” Darkness asked as she returned home, carrying a bag, probably just came back from shopping. “What are you guys doing? It sounds like you’re having fun.”

“Welcome back! Kazuma and I were practicing picking up each other’s adventurer’s cards. I’ve gotten pretty good at the pickup part, but dropping it just right is still tricky.”

“…Why are you doing that?”

After we explained, Darkness got mad.

“Could you please stop acting like children?! Princess Iris will be here in just a few days! Quit messing around with this nonsense!”

A few days ago, we got a letter from the princess herself. Apparently, she wants to meet me, a great adventurer who’s defeated several Demon King Army generals and contributed greatly to the kingdom.

Receiving a letter from a princess made me confident, that’s why Aqua and I have been going out recently, trying to impress everyone as the celebrities we deserve to be.

“But Darkness! Isn’t making a name for yourself the whole point of being an adventurer?! And we’ve got the track record to back it up! We should be known as high-ranking adventurers by now!”

“That’s so arrogant! Especially coming from you, Kazuma, you’re literally the lowest level and class in our party!”

They don’t need to know that!

“Hey! That’s only because my stats barely go up when I level up! For me, leveling is practically useless! Miss me with that, noble lady, who got a boost from eating all that experience-rich gourmet food!”

“D-don’t be absurd! That was because of my family, and—and—!”

Just as Darkness was about to lunge at me, Megumin placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Now, now, calm down, Darkness. It’s true Kazuma is practically worthless, so Aqua and I are very grateful to have a reliable protector like you who never falters. There aren’t many Crusaders in the Royal Capital, or anywhere, who can take on a Demon King Army general head-on.”

“W-well, I am confident in my toughness and stamina, but…”

As a blushing Darkness started to mellow, Aqua jumped in, “That’s right, you’re super strong! Your role may not be flashy, but it’s really important! We just want everyone to know how dependable you are!”

“M-me? You mean me?” Darkness asked, eyes wide and hopeful.

I nodded. “Megumin’s got the magic, Aqua’s great with demons and the undead, and I’m the party leader. But what about you? People need to know what an amazing Crusader you are.”

“K-Kazuma…”

Sometimes, I honestly worry about how gullible she is.

(Megumin, she’s way too easy. We really shouldn’t leave her unattended.)

(No, Aqua. This is fine. Let’s just watch over her with a smile, no matter how naïve she is.)

“…You do realize I can hear you, right? You’re whispering right in front of me.”

“N-nothing! We didn’t say anything!”

After that, we headed to the Adventurer’s Guild.

Aqua and I exchanged nods, then marched straight up to the receptionist.

“Hey, I’m Kazuma Satou, an S-Rank adventurer. Got any quests worthy of someone like me?”

“S-Rank Archpriest Aqua reporting! Any undead or demon extermination requests?”

“S-Rank? What are you two talking about?” the busty, beautiful receptionist asked, clearly troubled.

“What, they don’t do ranks here? Like, you know, something based on performance?”

“You mean levels?” she replied, confused.

“No, like ranks. Platinum-Rank, S-Rank, stuff like that. So adventurers have something to aim for.”

“Uh… you can call yourself whatever you want, I guess. We won’t stop you.”

Seems like my explanation didn’t land.

While I pondered how to clarify, Megumin leaned in. “So I can call myself Megumin, Magical-Rank Archwizard?”

“I don’t mind. But I do have a request for all of you.”

That’s when I noticed something strange.

“…Wait a second. Why’s the guild so empty?”

“You see, monsters have been acting a bit strange lately…”

According to the receptionist, monster behavior around town has been odd. Giant Toads are still around, but weaker monsters have been showing up less. Meanwhile, sightings of mid-level monsters have increased.

“So, I’d like to ask your party of self-proclaimed S-Rank adventurers to join the extermination effort…”

Mid-level monsters, huh…?

“…We’d love to help, but as S-Rank adventurers, we only deal with real emergencies. We’ll leave the grunt work to the others. If we hog the jobs, they’ll get upset.”

“You liar! You said we were coming here to make a name for ourselves!” Darkness shouted as she started pulling on my cheeks.

Part 2

The next day.

“Exploooooosion!”

The guild’s still empty, so I came with Megumin to complete her dumb daily explosion routine.

“Hmm. Man, this is not looking good.”

We’ve been using this little rocky mountain as her personal explosion spot for a while, but since we got back from the Crimson Magic Village, I’ve noticed something troubling, it’s been getting shorter. At an alarming rate.

Back in the village, I fiddled with Megumin’s adventurer card to boost her explosions, but…

“You know,” Megumin mumbled while lying face-down in the dirt, “I think I should rank up to Demon Lord-Rank.”

“If they put a bounty on you, I’m throwing you out of the house.”

With her explosions stronger than ever, her love for her dumb magic has gone overboard. She’s become increasingly eager to do her dumb daily routine.

“All right, we’ve done what we came to do. Let’s go home.”

“Hey! Don’t forget to praise my explosion!”

As I stooped down to pick her up—

“Huh? That’s odd… My Enemy Detection skill just reacted, but—”

I turned around, sensing something, and there it was.

A monster!?

“K-Kazuma! It’s an ogre! Let’s get out of here!!”

“Quit strangling me! It probably came because of your dumb explosion!”

A huge ogre, easily over two meters tall, charged after us.

Why!? This area should only have beginner-tier monsters! Where did this beast come from!?

“P-Please wait a moment!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MEGUMIN, IT JUST SCREAMED AT US! IT’S CLEARLY PISSED OFF!”

“SHUT UP AND JUST RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!”

The ogre was closing the distance fast, no way to outrun it when it’s so much taller and muscular than me.

We made it to a narrow mountain path. I spun around, chanting, “Create Water! Freeze!”

I splashed water on the ground and froze it instantly, then put Megumin down and transferred some of my mana to her using Drain Touch.

“Stand up and pretend you can fight! I’ll be the vanguard, so hang back! No way we’re outrunning it, but maybe we can bluff our way out. It could be smart enough to listen.”

“I can bluff just fine. Leave it to me!”

Before long, we faced off with the ogre. It wasn’t dumb, it stopped just short of stepping on the ice.

“Okay, I don’t know what you want from us, but we want nothing to do with you! One more step, and you’ll slip. Then I’ll finish you with my trusty sword. Or, and this is much worse for you, this extremely violent and totally unhinged Crimson Magic Clanswoman will blow you sky high! So! Just walk away.”

“Get back, ogre! Get back!” Megumin shouted, her red eyes glowing ominously.

The ogre flinched, stepping back.

I rested my hand on my sword’s hilt.

Think like a samurai. Think like a samurai.^{^[1]}

I can’t move like one, of course. But if I look the part, maybe I’ll seem tough.

“…There’s something I want to ask you,” the ogre said, “but I guess I’ll let it go.”

With that, it turned and walked away.

“What are you talking about? The ogre clearly backed off because of my fighting aura!”

“Please. Not even a puppy would be scared of you. Obviously, it sensed my Demon Lord-Rank Archwizard power and ran for its life!”

We made our way back to the Adventurer’s Guild after our little encounter.

As soon as we stepped inside, every adventurer in the place turned to look at us.

“…Huh? What’s going on? Did we do something?” I asked, growing uneasy as people started whispering.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here, now we can finally relax!”, “Yeah, we’ve been working on this extermination quest, but no one’s better at those than you guys!”, “We’ve been waiting for you, Kazuma!”, “It’s Axel’s number one adventurer! We’re counting on you!”

A chorus of cheers and applause broke out.

I mean… recognition feels great and all, but something about this smells real bad.

“We’ve been waiting for you, S-Rank Adventurer Kazuma Satou,” said the receptionist, beaming with a suspiciously sweet smile.

“I did ask you to call me that, but actually, could you maybe stop now?”

That smile gave me an even worse feeling. Then I noticed, unlike yesterday, the guild was pretty crowded.

“…Wait, how come no one’s gone out for the extermination quest?”

“Well, you see, we discovered the reason stronger monsters have been showing up. A powerful monster nearby has been getting more active—” as I turned to leave, the guild receptionist grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let go, “The monster is called Shuten. There’s a huge bounty on its head!”

“L-Let me go! I want nothing to do with that! Just the name alone screams ‘boss monster’! It’s obviously some kind of ogre! I just got chased by one!”

“Oh? So you’ve already encountered them! That helps! Shuten is a bounty hunter who leads a whole pack of ogres. Its territory is deep in the mountains. We can’t let them roam free!” she locked on like a bear trap, “You told us to only call you for real emergencies, remember?”

Damn it, why’d I have to say that!?

“We’re counting on you! You may be a mess on normal quests, but when it comes to dangerous stuff, you always come through!”

“Oh, are we now? Then maybe it’s time for someone else to shine.”

She still wouldn’t let go, “You won’t be alone! Everyone here will back you up! Please, Kazuma. Do it, for the city!”

…For the city?

How could S-Rank adventurers like us turn that down? Since when did I become such a coward?

“…All right. We’ll take the quest. Leave it to me, Kazuma Satou, S-Rank Adventurer!”

“Kazuma…”

We’ve lived here for a while now. Of course we should step up and protect it.

After all, we are S-Rank Adventurers.

“You only agreed because she pressed her boobs against your back, didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Part 3

The next day.

The guild staff saw us off as we left town with several other adventurers in tow.

Aqua, riding high on the attention from our sizable entourage, immediately picked a fight with a random monster along the way.

Needless to say, it didn’t end well for her.

Other than that, the journey was smooth sailing.

After walking for quite a while, we arrived at a reddish-brown mountain. We’d left early in the morning, but now the sky was starting to darken.

We sat down to take a break and hold a strategic meeting.

“…Now then. From what we know, we’re up against a pack of ogres and their boss. I ran into one the other day, but it backed off, probably scared of my strength,” I said, nodding confidently. “I’ve never fought one directly, but they look strong. So, I’d like to ask…” I looked around at the other adventurers, “Anyone want to fight them head-on?”

Everyone, except Megumin and Darkness, shook their heads.

I ignored those two, “Unanimous, then. We won’t be attacking them directly—”

“Wait! I do want to attack them head-on! I want revenge for what happened the other day—! Ah, hey—!”

“I also want to fight them directly—Ah! Stop that!”

The two idiots were promptly restrained and dragged off by the other adventurers.

With the situation under control, I nodded, “It’s almost night. Once it gets dark, I’ll use my Stealth and Enemy Detection skills to scout out their base.”

Everyone frowned with concern.

“After confirming their positions and numbers, and finding out where the boss is hiding, our archers will start by sniping them from a distance. Then Megumin will drop her Explosion right in the middle of their hideout. Ideally, that’ll wipe them all out, but if the boss survives, Darkness will stall them while the rest of us, buffed by Aqua, go in together. Any questions?”

I looked around. An adventurer with a worried look raised his hand.

“It’s a solid plan, but… doesn’t that put you in the most danger? I mean, you’ll be going in alone. In the dark. Up a mountain.”

Man. It felt nice to have someone genuinely worry about me.

“Don’t worry,” I said with a smile. “I’m a lucky guy, after all.”

“N-no, no, I just saw a light in the mountains and came to check it out! I had no idea this was an ogre settlement! I mean, nobody would be dumb enough to go looking for ogres!”

I was captured almost immediately.

Turns out ogres have a natural Enemy Detection skill. So yeah, my Stealth was completely useless.

“You’re pretty quick-witted. You sure you came alone? You didn’t bring any friends to raid our base?”

The one questioning me was Shuten, the boss. She spoke much more fluently than the others and had stepped in close.

She also looked nothing like I expected.

Yes, she.

Not every monster with a bounty is violent or evil. Take General Winter, for instance. He won’t bother you unless you mess with the Snow Sprites.

Apparently, Shuten used to be part of the Demon King’s army, but left after getting tired of picking on weaklings. Her bounty was still active, though.

“Of course I’m alone! Nobody would want to team up with a weak adventurer like me!” I squeaked, my voice hitting new levels of pathetic.

“…I see. Then nobody will mind if I eat you^{^[2]},” she said, as casually as someone ordering lunch.

“L-listen, I didn’t want it to come to this, but… I’m Kazuma Satou, the top adventurer in Axel! I’ve taken down multiple Demon King Army generals! And right now, there’s a whole army of adventurers camped at the base of this mountain! If I don’t return safely, a certain unhinged Crimson Magic Clanswoman is going to turn this entire place into a sea of fire!”

Shuten’s expression twitched as I desperately tried to sound brave.

“You’re an interesting kid,” she said. “To think you’d just sell out your allies like that. You’ve got no honor.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I only said that because I trust them. They won’t lose to you.”

That made the surrounding ogres start growling.

“Oh, it’d be like catching sardines!”, “Adventurers are all weaklings anyway.”, “Yeah, this’ll get our blood pumping!”

“H-hey, calm down! I didn’t mean to imply we’d win! From the looks of it, there’s way more of you than us, so obviously we’d lose! It’s just… even with those odds, we might still put up a pretty good fight!”

I was doing everything I could not to wet myself, but somehow I was only provoking them more.

“That’s interesting, kid. Almost sounds like you think you could win if the numbers were even.”

“Y-yeah, that’s exactly what I meant! One of us is totally unhinged, and insanely powerful! If she goes all-out, you guys won’t stand a chance!”

This is bad. This is really bad.

I’ve always had trouble dealing with women, let alone those who are way bigger than me!

The ogres started whispering among themselves.

“We’ll take that challenge, kid. Let’s make it a three-round duel, ogre style. Win even one of them…” Shuten leaned in with a dazzling smile, “And you can do whatever you want with me. But if you lose all three… I’m going to eat you.”

I’m going to assume she doesn’t mean that in a sexual sense.

Part 4

I was taken hostage, tied up with rope, and carried to the foot of the mountain, where I explained everything that had happened to the others.

“So you’ll have to fight with the ogres.”

“How the hell did you mess this up!? You were gone for thirty minutes!”

“Why did we let Kazuma handle this in the first place?”

“Listen! Somebody’s gotta fight, and that’s final. I-I can’t do it,” I said, as a good chunk of the adventurers quietly slipped away, “H-hey! Look, maybe the scouting part failed, sure, but the negotiations were a success! I mean, there are way more ogres than us, and we’re just small fries, there’s no way we could beat them in a straight fight!”

“Did he just call us small fries?”, “How about we beat up Kazuma instead?”, “What happened to that smug, confident look you had before you left? You should just become ogre food already!”

These guys… after everything I went through to scout their hideout and negotiate such a generous deal, this is the thanks I get? So ungrateful.

“Excuse me, could someone untie me? I’d like to give these people a piece of my mind.”

“Darkness, Megumin, what do we do with this guy? I’m not sure if he’s a hostage or an enemy at this point.”

“Let’s just hand him over to the ogres. Come on, let’s go home…”

“It’s like when he got captured by Sylvia in the Crimson Magic Village. He’s probably into it by now…”

“Seems like you’re not very popular, kid,” Shuten commented while holding me up.

“Coming from an ogre, that really hurts. Please don’t say that…”

Thankfully, Shuten must’ve realized nothing was going to progress like this, so she raised her voice to cut through the chaos, “So then, what will it be!? If you don’t accept the challenge, this kid’s going to be our dinner! Do none of you have any guts!? Are you all cowards who won’t even fight!?”

Please, don’t rile them up like that!

“The Crimson Magic Clan never backs down from a challenge! Especially not a Demon King-rank Archwizard! I accept your duel, right here, right no—! Hey, what are you doing, let go of me!”

“Stop her before she blows us all up!”, “Someone tie her up, quick!”, “We accept the challenge! Just ignore anything this girl says!”

The ogres watched in confusion as a group of adventurers piled onto Megumin, pinning her down like a wild animal. Her eyes glowed crimson with excitement as she struggled.

“A-anyway,” Shuten continued, raising her voice again, “the first round of our manly three-part duel will be… a drinking contest! Doesn’t matter who takes it on!”

A drinking contest?

We got this.

“Why are you here, woman? I said this was supposed to be a manly contest…”

“You’re a woman too.”

Aqua quietly sat down across from Shuten, who looked at her with a deeply troubled expression.

“Hey, Kazuma. What are you taking me for? I’ll admit I like to drink, but I don’t think I can win an actual competition.”

I chose Aqua for this round, but it seems this useless goddess forgot her own abilities.

(You idiot. Use that ability of yours that always causes trouble. You can turn any liquid you touch into water, right? Just use it on the alcohol and drink like it’s nothing.)

I leaned in close to whisper.

(Ohhh, great idea! I’ll definitely win!)

She grinned triumphantly and picked up the cup in front of her.

“Are you sure you can handle this, girl? This is a strong brew,” Shuten warned, pulling out an expensive-looking bottle.

“Huh!? Isn’t that Ogre Killer Sake!? That’s a legendary super-drink! I can’t believe I get to try it in a place like this…”

…Hey.

“Oh yeah. We have trouble getting human booze, so we brew our own. Be careful, it’s strong.”

“I’ll drink it with all my might!”

“Time to duel!”

Part 5

“And in the end, I won… what’s the matter, kid? Why do you look so down?”

I stared silently at the collapsed figure of Aqua, now peacefully snoring on the ground.

Dazzled by the rare, high-rank booze, the idiot had chugged it all without turning it into water. And now, just like that, she was out cold.

“Well, I’d like to move on now. The next round will be a fight!”

“I will take you on.”

“You’re an Archwizard, Megumin. If she wants a hand-to-hand fight, I’ll do it!” Darkness stepped forward, blushing slightly.

“Do none of you have balls? Aren’t you ashamed as men, letting a woman face me again?” Shuten swept her gaze over the remaining adventurers with pure disdain. “…Oh well,” she sighed, shrugging.

“Aren’t you a girl too? Don’t tell me you have a pe—”

“DO NOT say another word!” Shuten suddenly exploded with fury.

“I-I just wanted to confirm! I recently fought a Demon King Army general that left me traumatized!”

“A general, huh?” Shuten narrowed her eyes. “So this girl’s gone toe-to-toe with one as well?”

“Well, of course! Darkness is a sturdy Crusader, able to withstand the onslaught of Demon King Army generals and come out without a scratch!”

“Hehe… that’s a bit much,” Darkness muttered shyly as I praised her.

“But,” I continued, “there’s a big difference between humans and ogres. Can we tweak the rules a little?”

“A handicap? I’m already letting you win the entire duel by taking just one round. No way—”

“Not for you, for Darkness! She won’t attack at all. You’ll have a full minute to go all-out on her. If she’s still standing at the end, we win!”

“WHAT!?” Shuten and Darkness both cried in unison.

“Don’t mess with me! You’re underestimating me, aren’t you? A Crusader that won’t attack!? That’s ridiculous!”

“One minute isn’t enough! It should be ten minutes!”

Shut up, you idiot!

“This is no time for your fetishes! Don’t make this worse than it already is, my life is on the line here!”

“But I’ve never been hit by an ogre before… I really want to savor it.”

Goddamnit!

“So… if she can still stand after ten minutes, huh?” Shuten asked.

“Yes, but if you want it to be twenty, that’s fine too!”

“Aaaagh! Five at most, please! Now you’re into it because of what that knucklehead said!”

Before I could stop them, they both nodded.

“Time to duel!”

Nine minutes later…

“Haa… haa…” Shuten panted heavily.

In front of her, Darkness lay sprawled on the ground, wearing a deeply satisfied smile, “Well done… that really hit the spot.”

“I should be the one saying that! You’re the hardest thing I’ve ever punched… and the first thing that’s enjoyed it!”

“I told you, just five minutes! My life is on the line! Why did you push it to ten!? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?”

As expected of a monster with a massive bounty, not even Darkness could last so long.

Damn it… my friends are all hopeless. What am I supposed to do now?

…Wait. Megumin’s still here!

Yeah, she can just fire off her Explosion magic, we’ll all escape in the confusion!

I looked towards her.

“Don’t worry, Kazuma,” she nodded as if reading my mind. “I’ll make sure to avenge your death! I understood everything from just one glance!”

You most definitely did not!

“Time’s up, kid. Hiding behind a skirt again? I hate people like you. After I win this final round… I’m going to eat you alive.”

What did I even do to deserve this? All I did was mess up my scouting, betray my comrades, and promise a duel to save my own ass…

…Okay, maybe I do deserve this.

“Screw it! I’ll take on the final round myself! Bring whatever challenge you want!”

Shuten grinned and shook her shoulders with glee. “That’s the spirit, kid! The final match will be a game, simple gambling! Pick any rules you want. Let’s have a fair fight!”

Part 6

“I wiiiiin~! I wiiiin~! I win, I win, I wiiiin! Now take it ooooooooooooooooff!”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…!”

“Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”

The once-smug ogre was now moments away from being completely stripped.

Hey, gambling was her idea.

The strip game was mine.

By this point, not just the male adventurers but even the male ogres were cheering me on with every win.

“Hey, if you want to give up, just give up,” I said, flashing a gentle smile at Shuten. “You’ve done well enough. After all, I’m your opponent.”

“Grr…”

Seeing her eyes brimming with tears, one of the adventurers shouted,

“Come on everyone! Let’s cheer for Shuten! We can’t let her give up!”, “Please don’t give up!”, “You can still do it!”, “You couldn’t possibly lose to an adventurer!”, “Shuten! Shuten!”, “We’re with you, you can do it!”

Hey, uh, whose side are you guys on again?

Well, I understand. I really do.

“Hey Megumin, why don’t we take Aqua back to the city?”

“Yes. I’m sure all the female adventurers want to leave too. If we go as a group, we’ll be safe even if we run into monsters.”

Darkness and Megumin were deep in discussion, but I couldn’t catch all of it. I had two very important things right in front of me, after all.

“Well then,” I said, “let’s keep going. We’ve still got one more hand to play before it’s over, right?”

“I give uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!”

And with that, the final round ended in my overwhelming victory.

Ogres and adventurers, who’d normally be at each other’s throats, were now laughing together, shoulder to shoulder.

Maybe, in the heat of battle, a strange kind of friendship formed between these longtime enemies.

Shuten, her expression weary, looked at me and sighed.

“You won, kid. As promised… you can do whatever you want with me…”

Everyone fell dead silent.

Could you please not phrase it like that with all the female adventurers still around?

“Kashuma, Kashuma, what are you going to dooo~?” slurred Aqua, still drunk and hanging off Darkness’s shoulder.

She really can’t read the room!

“Uhh… well, I guess it’s fine if you just leave,” I said. “You might have a bounty on your head, but it’s not like you’re out there attacking people, right? I’m probably bending the rules a bit as an adventurer… but there’s no need to kill you.”

“You sure about that, kid?”

No. I’d very much prefer something else.

But seeing the ogres and humans all buddy-buddy now… guess it’s best to just end it cleanly.

I was going to ask her to fall in love with me. Maybe next time.

“Why does he look so creepy?”

“I’m sure he’s thinking something disgusting.”

Someone in the crowd was running their mouths.

Shuten gave a long sigh of relief.

“Fine, kid. We were planning to leave the mountain anyway. That’s why we’ve been hunting so much lately, to stock up on food.”

“Oh, that makes sense. The reason we were sent on this extermination quest is because you guys suddenly started wiping out monsters left and right. It made the local monsters act all weird.”

The ogres froze.

“That wasn’t us. You people must’ve missed the massive magical explosions happening around here almost daily. Lately they’ve been even stronger. It’s scaring the local monsters, they’ve been going crazy.”

“Please excuse me,” I grabbed Megumin and dragged her into the center of the crowd. “I believe my friend has something she’d like to say. Well?”

“Wait! She said it was a huge magical explosion! You have no proof that I’m responsible!”

“Do you know anything about it?” Shuten asked. “Every time there’s one of those explosions, the rocky mountain across from ours gets a little lower. We sent scouts to investigate, but found nothing…”

The adventurers went quiet.

“Hey, if you know anything, please tell us. That mountain’s eroding fast. We thought ours might be next, so we started preparing to relocate…”

I couldn’t even look her in the eyes.

(What are you going to do, Kazuma? How are you going to fix this mess?)

(Me!? What the hell do you mean? You’re the root of all this!)

(What!? Are you implying this is my fault!?)

(That’s exactly what I’m saying! This all happened because of your dumb Explosion magic! Now apologize to the ogres! And tell the guild it was you who made the monsters go crazy!)

As an apology, I promised the half-naked Shuten I’d bring her the finest booze in town.

“Steal!”

“I’M SORRY! PLEASE STOP!”

And then, I stole nearly all the clothes off the Demon King–Rank Archwizard.

Until she cried and apologized.

^{^[1]} Had to do some funky things here to keep the original line’s meaning, but a direct translation would’ve been difficult. In the original, Kazuma hypes himself saying “Imagine iai, imagine iai!” iai means cutting someone down with a sword.

^{^[2]} I was this close to giving the ogres a Scottish accent.