INCLUDE THIS SECTION IF YOU TRANSLATE THIS TO OTHER LANGUAGES
42414124Illustrations by Kurone Mishima.
Originally published by Kadokawa on February 28th, 2026.
English translation by H. Berry
Upcoming chapters will be posted on Patreon and Ko-Fi first!
Chapter 3: Frozen Vanir, now available!
Part 1
“Looks like the stalker
isn’t here today,” I muttered to myself while looking out the window.
Somebody started stalking
me recently. A woman with catlike eyes who wears a black cloak, like the ones
high-ranking assassins wear.
“DarkStalker is a rare
advanced class, for someone like that to waste her time tailing a loser like
you, she must be incredibly bored. But I guess since you get into trouble so
often it must be entertaining to watch you.”
“Hey, that sounds like
you’re describing a zoo animal. Maybe she’s just a big fan.”
She does have excellent
stealth skills.
But she’s kinda dumb too,
she greatly stands out with that black cloak in the summer, everyone is wearing
light, colorful clothes.
Whenever I try to
approach her, she just vanishes, and a weird statue appears where she was.
It’s impressive, to the
point I tend to leave tips on the statues.
“She often buys me
drinks. I think she hasn’t realized I’ve always seen her. I just play along.
Nothing escapes the eyes of a goddess!”
She only ever appears if
I’m with someone, and typically vanishes if things go well between Megumin and
I. So, I don’t really mind.
It’s just past noon.
I wonder what her job is,
she appears regardless of the time of day.
“Hey, stalker aside, have
you noticed how many strange people have been showing up in town lately?”
Megumin, you might as
well be the queen of strange people.
“Yeah, they’re refugees
and adventurers from other towns. I can tell right away because when I perform
my party tricks they get scared and rub their eyes. People from frontline towns
live under constant stress, so they’re too tense to appreciate true art.”
“Hmm, now that you
mention it. I saw someone do a double take when Vanir was running errands
yesterday. He’s a big guy who wears a suit in the summer, he really stands out.
It’s normal for us, but it must be really odd to outsiders.”
“They also keep freaking
out over my explosion craters. I know they’re magnificent, but there’s no need
to scream...” Megumin tilted her head with Chomusuke in her lap. “Craters
should be common in frontline towns, right? So, what’s their problem?”
This is supposed to be a
beginner’s town, where novice adventurers level up by hunting frogs. They must
be freaking out at the crazy girl that fires super powerful magic every day for
no reason.
Well, whatever.
I hope nothing happens
today.
“Excuse me!” the doorbell
rang furiously. “Is Megumin home!?”
Come on…
This town is not normal
at all, it’s full of weirdos. But somehow the one normal person arrived.
Yunyun.
As Aqua was about to
gleefully offer her hot water, Darkness intercepted her and handed Yunyun some
tea instead.
“Oh, thank you…”
“Drink this and calm
down. It’s odd for you to show up like that. Usually you send us a letter
first, then arrive a few weeks later.”
As Yunyun blew on the
tea, her eyes nervously darted around the room.
“Uhm… sorry for showing
up so suddenly… I’m sorry for being so troublesome… I’m sorry for being a
member of the Crimson Magic Clan…”
“No, I mean you don’t
need to do that, you’re very welcome anytime! You can just visit casually!”
“That is not right,
Darkness. This girl is often moping around. She’s so annoying that, I assume,
many want to bully her. But bullying Yunyun is a privilege for me and me
alone!”
“Wait a minute, people
think that of me!?”
“Yunyun, nobody wants to
bully you!”
Megumin and Darkness
began wrestling.
But Yunyun did say
something that bothered me.
“I heard what you said.
Just tell us what this idiot did this time.”
“Why do you assume I’m
involved!? …what’s the matter, Yunyun? I can’t think of a single incident I’ve
been involved in as of late!”
I can think of a couple
of dozen.
Also, I never said
Megumin. I just said ‘this idiot’, she assumed I was talking about her.
“N-no! This time Megumin
had nothing to do with it!”
“What do you mean this
time? And if I’m not involved, then stop depending on Kazuma so much! You rely
on him constantly and give nothing back. A proper relationship means mutual
dependence. The only ones allowed to rely on him are us, his party members!”
“Then our relationship is
not balanced at all! You depend on me way more than I depend on you!”
As I fired back, Darkness
silently sat beside me and placed a cup of tea in front of me.
It annoys me how she’s
still trying this, but feeling the warmth of her body as she leans in, I think
it’s probably fine…
We’ve known each other
for so long after all.
“As you can clearly see,
Kazuma is easily fooled. Add the slightest bit of flirting and he makes that
stupid face. Since I’m uninvolved in your problem, please leave.”
“W-wait! Yes, you aren’t
involved directly, but… as a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, you’re not
unrelated either…”
Yunyun stammered while
looking directly at me.
“Just spit it out
already! Is something happening in the village? Did they try to end the summer
early and angered the Great Spirit of Summer? Did they accidentally lay siege
to the Demon King’s castle again? Just say it!”
Why is she saying that as
if it’s normal?
As Megumin shrugged in
exasperation, Yunyun turned serious.
“Vanir found out about
the name of the observation deck in the village!”
“Hey, why don’t we go on
a trip? We should leave the country. Let’s spend the summer somewhere cool.”
Megumin immediately began
packing.
“Megumin! Vanir gave me
this letter for you!” Yunyun hurried after her.
Megumin refused to read
it, so Yunyun sighed and began reading it aloud.
“’By the time this lonely
girl reads this letter aloud, the crazy explosion girl, who spends most of her
time doing meaningless activities, will have refused to read it and begun
preparations to flee.’”
Megumin froze mid-step.
“’There’s a creature in
this world known as sea midge[1], that once
mature, scatters instantly. The crazy explosion girl is just like it, as a
result, she'll be known as Midge Girl from now on. The lonely girl is simply a
messenger, no need to raise—’ Ah, Megumin, don’t look at me like that! I’m just
reading what it says!”
As Megumin lowered her
fist, Yunyun continued.
“’Thus, midge girl and
lonely girl. I am aware neither of you were directly involved in the illegal
use of my name for your village’s observatory. However, your clan has now
caused me a considerable inconvenience.’”
“And why is that my
problem!? Kazuma, let’s ignore this and go on our trip. I have a feeling things
will get bad if we keep listening.”
Doesn’t sound like a bad
idea to be honest.
Megumin said she wanted
to travel to a cooler country, but how about we go to a town by the sea
instead?
My pool plan failed, but
I won’t give up the idea of looking at girls in swimsuits.
“’However, should you
attempt to flee, life-threatening unforeseen consequences may occur. For
instance, a severe blizzard may strike that cool country. Or a kraken may
attack that seaside town. I advise caution.’”
“Yunyun, let me see
that.”
“’Once the young man
asks, hand him the other letter’,” Yunyun said apologetically as she handed me
a letter.
I wanted to throw it
straight into the fireplace, but I just can’t get the phrase ‘life-threatening
unforeseen consequences’ out of my head.
Slightly nervous, I
unfolded the letter so everyone could read it.
[This young man is truly
a loser.]
Yunyun averted her eyes
as I tore the paper into pieces, but kept reading the letter.
“’Exquisite negative
emotions—’ Megumin, stop! I’m just reading the letter!”
Darkness restrained
Megumin before she could attack Yunyun again.
With tears welling in her
eyes, Yunyun continued, her voice trembling.
“’But enough teasing, let
us return to the matter at hand. There exists a ritual known as devil
summoning. To perform it, the summoner must offer a great sacrifice. However,
the requirements lessen the more the summoner knows about the devil in
question. Such as its true name, origin and its feats. The more one knows, the
safer it is.’”
…so, if I learn more
about Vanir, I could summon him whenever I wanted?
That sounds useful.
“Kazuma looks creepy, he
must not be able to learn devil summoning.”
“’Let it be known that
not just anyone can summon a devil. Lesser devils may be called by ordinary
fools. But high-ranking devils such as myself may only be summoned using divine
treasures, by great sorcerers whose powers exceed human understanding, or by highly
skilled Devil Summoners.’”
Like Raidou?
Megumin sighed and
explained. “Devil Summoner is a rare advanced class. It requires unwavering
willpower, no fear of gods or devils, immense magical power… and a heart cold
enough to sacrifice even your own family. I’ve never met one myself.”
Aww, come on!
Why does natural talent
still matter so much in another world?
Will I never be able to
have a pool filled with cute girls next to my house?
“Don’t be so down,
Kazuma. Only someone who has completely abandoned their humanity can become a
Devil Summoner. You’re a terrible person most of the time, but deep down… very
deep down… somewhere near the bottom… you’re sort of kind.”
“Was that supposed to be
a compliment? I have no interest in becoming a Devil Summoner, I just thought
it sounds kind of cool.”
But I think I heard of
someone who could become one.
Who was it again?
…yeah, Komekko, Megumin’s
little sister.
I remembered that
succubus saying she had tremendous talent for summoning devils.
But come on, no way a
girl so cute could become a Devil Summoner.
Well, no time to dwell on
that.
“’As the Crimson Magic
Clan has been profiting from my personal information, the requirements to
summon me have dropped alarmingly. Who knows what might happen if a Devil
Summoner learns about that…’ Ah. So that is what he meant by unforeseen
consequences.”
I nodded gravely.
“I’ve heard that the
Crimson Magic Clan are supposed to be highly intelligent, but moments like this
make you look highly stupid.”
“I should retort, but I’m
speechless…”
“Uh… I just want a normal
life like everyone else…” Yunyun finally started crying, but she continued
reading the letter. “’And my misfortune only worsens. As you know, satanists
are currently in this city…’”
Yeah, I remember hearing
something about that while we helped Darkness.
“That’s pretty bad,” I
interrupted Yunyun.
“’To say the least, young
man who is still disillusioned that he’ll never be able to gawk at scantily
clad women,’” Yunyun continued. “’I could be summoned and ordered to destroy
the world, ushering the end of humanity.’”
Yeah, pretty bad.
The way the letter is
written already makes it seem we’re talking to Vanir directly.
For some reason,
Megumin’s eyes lit up. “So, what he’s trying to say is that we should allow the
satanist to summon him so we have to destroy him!?”
Of course not, you idiot.
He obviously wants us to stop that from happening to begin with.
We should be taking this
seriously, but of course…
“Obviously we don’t want
to have Vanir as an enemy, but we beat him once. He must have more lives. If we
defeat him again, the contract should break, right?”
He stopped being a Demon
King army general after we defeated him.
…as if in response,
Yunyun turned pale, and read the rest of the letter with trembling lips.
“’I-I have one more
unfortunate piece of news to share. The reason I was able to leave my post as a
Demon King Army general was because the Demon King is a miser whose contract
only required my service until I lost one life. However, if a summoner knows
that, they could simply bind me for multiple lives... and I possess so many
that even I have lost count.’”
We’re screwed.
Part 2
A thuggish goddess
stormed into a magic tool shop.
“Sacred Exorcism!”
“Rubbish Barrier!”
“Ahhhhh, the new
products!”
Aqua’s spell obliterated
the products Vanir tossed at her.
As Wiz shouted, Vanir
raised his voice.
“What are you doing,
troublesome woman? Don’t you know we’re in an emergency? I can’t bother with
you. Return in 500 years.”
The instant Yunyun
finished reading the letter, Aqua shouted, ‘I’m going to save the world!’ and
sprinted out of the mansion.
I convinced the rest that
I’d deal with this, and asked them to find out more about the satanists.
“To call this an
emergency is putting it mildly.”
“Well, normally a great
devil like myself cannot be summoned easily. But my true name has been made
public. And if more information has leaked, a talented Devil Summoner could
potentially summon me by accident...”
He’s unusually serious.
But come on, no way a duke of hell can be summoned like takeout.
“Brainless devils spread
their names intentionally so they may be summoned and do battle in this world.
But if my power were misused, the consequences could be severe. I never
imagined my true name would be used on an observation deck.”
“I’ve heard that fortune
tellers can’t see their own future. Does that apply to you too?”
But more importantly…
“You should’ve been more
careful with your personal data. Even NEETs know how to avoid getting doxed.”
“Me, a great devil,
compared to a NEET…”
Vanir is usually very
relaxed, but now he’s standing there stunned.
Aqua seized the unusual
opportunity. “Ahahahaha! Look, Kazuma! The devil that always acts so pompous
and claims that can see everything is standing there depressed because he was
doxed! Hehehe! It’s hilarious, hilarious I tell you! Ahahahahahahahaha!”
Even Wiz, who was just
crying for all her goods that were destroyed, seemed to find this funny. She
was sitting on the ground with a bright red face trying to hold back laughter.
Of course, I can’t let
this keep up.
This is funny though, and
he totally deserves it.
“Stop it! Aqua, Vanir is
shaking! Ahahahahaha!!”
“Hahahahahaha! Look,
Kazuma, he’s trembling, almost as if there was an earthquake! The devil that
constantly teases us is shaking!”
We really need to calm
down.
If we provoke him he’ll
definitely get back at us.
“Perhaps this world
should be destroyed…”
“H-Hey, don’t say that!
This is an emergency! Kazuma, Lady Aqua, please stop laughing!” Wiz hurriedly
tried to calm him down.
Aqua picked up a charred
object from the floor and frowned at it.
“What was this thing? If
my purifying spell destroyed it, then it means it was something evil!”
“A-ah!?
No, Lady Aqua! It’s something I worked on all night! I
couldn’t let this business opportunity pass me by!”
Looks like it was some
sort of book.
It’s hard to read the
title, but I’m pretty sure it says something like, ‘A Thorough Explanation of
the all-Seeing Devil: Vanir’s Daily Life’
“What?”
“Ahhhh!”
A guidebook to Vanir.
Vanir snatched the
half-burned book and reduced it to dust. Then he slowly turned towards Wiz in
disbelief.
“Regardless of our
finances, I never expected such betrayal from you. But perhaps I should not be
surprised. Liches are heartless creatures by nature...”
“W-wait a minute! I may
be a lich, but don’t describe me like some kind of monster!”
I suppose she’s
technically inhuman, but Wiz suddenly pulled out another unburned book.
“Remember who I really
am! I may be a lich now, hehe, but do you remember what I’m best at?” she
proudly showed off her book, with an expectant look on her face.
“Losing money?”
“No, young man. Her main
talent is using that indecent body to lure in male customers.”
“No, it’s not. Her main
talent is serving delicious sweets and tea!”
“It’s running this
business! I’m a merchant, this place is called Wiz’ Magic Tool Shop!”
Yeah, but you’re really
bad at it.
“This book is all about
you, Vanir! When, where, and from whom you get negative emotions. All your
battle records, and your relationship with the neighbors… all packed into one
book!” Clutching it like a sacred treasure, Wiz beamed proudly.
I quietly asked Vanir.
“Hey, what do you think? Does a book like that help in any way to summon you?”
“I doubt such trivial
information would be helpful, but I can’t answer that for certain without
reading it myself… Wiz, give it to me.”
Wiz puffed her cheeks,
and hugged her book tighter. Maybe she’s mad after everything we said.
“This book costs one
million Eris.”
“You greedy shop owner!
You’re trying to take advantage of me! Just hand it over! It’s my personal
information, I have the right to review it!”
As Vanir reached out, Wiz
hid the book behind her and stepped back.
“...hehe, I know. But if
it’s of public interest, it’s fine to reveal personal information. A journalist
told me that!”
“That journalist was
executed for leaking secrets of the Royal Family.”
After being taken aback
for a moment. Wiz smiled defiantly, showing an unusually competitive side.
“Vanir, think about this.
What kind of relationship do you and I have?”
“You squander all the
money I earn.”
“No! We’re partners!
Business partners!”
He looks madder now.
“You see, I’ve been
researching more into devils, especially their contracts.”
“Every product you
introduce ends up in failure…”
“A-and! I found out a
devil can only have one contract at a time! It doesn’t matter if the satanists
summon you, you can’t make a contract with them until you fulfill your contract
with me!”
Wiz puffed out her chest
and displayed the book with a smug grin.
“Well, that is correct,
but… hmm, perhaps there’s no reason to be concerned.”
“Wow, Wiz! So, you knew
the masked devil couldn’t be controlled, and you’re still selling him out!”
“That’s right, Lady Aqua!
Though I’d appreciate it if you phrased it differently...”
I placed my hand on
Vanir’s shoulder as he stood there stunned. “It’s tough having friends that
lose your money. I understand how you feel.”
“I never thought the day
would come when you’d sympathize with me, young man,” Vanir suddenly put his
hand on his chin, lost in thought. “Technically, devils may not break
contracts… but I am a great devil. I can break mine, on the condition I make
another one immediately after. However, regardless of what I may be offered, or
how incompetent this shop keeper may be. I’d never break the contract with
her.”
“You once threatened to
break the contract and leave me…”
“Shop owner with a
luscious body!” Vanir confidently smiled. “This is an excellent business
opportunity. Even if I am summoned, I can simply refuse and there will be no
problems! Let’s sell your worthless book to the satanist at a high price!”
“Stop calling me that!
And don’t call my hard work worthless!”
I’m getting uneasy seeing
him so confident.
Vanir can’t see his own
future, so he tends to be over confident. Just see how Wiz always wastes his
money, and the observation deck that got us in this mess.
But if he said there’s no
problem with the contracts, then I guess we should be fine.
Of course, things are
never so easy for me.
Megumin and Darkness
suddenly opened the door.
“Hey, weren’t there three
of you? Where’s Yunyun?”
“That idiot!” Megumin
replied immediately. “When she saw the satanists she shouted ‘Vanir is the
first friend I’ve ever made in this town! I won’t let you have him!’, and then
stormed their base, we have no idea where she is now.”
Vanir and I exchanged
looks, and unable to say anything, fell silent.
Part 3
The next day.
As I was lazing on the
couch, taking a nap, I heard a familiar cry.
“Kazuma, Kazuma! My
followers were unjustly arrested! I don’t know what to do, help
meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Ignoring the crying Aqua
clinging to me, I continued stroking Chomusuke, who was resting on my chest.
Darkness and Chris are
with her for some reason.
“There’s nothing I can do
for them, I have no authority. But I heard the acting lord converted to the
Axis, you should ask her.”
“How dare you say that
about me! I will never abandon my faith for Lady Eris!”
Said the acting lord
neglecting her duties.
“See? Not even the newly
converted Darkness wants to help. Besides, I heard the Axis cultists were
instigating the satanist and Eris believers, to the point a huge fight broke
out.”
“Darkness, you can’t let
your fellow followers rot in a cell!”
“Haha, don’t joke like
that, please… But seriously, this isn’t good! Eris priests are usually good
people, but they hate devils with a passion. Perhaps even more so than Axis
priests!”
Well, their patron
goddess hates devils just as much as the Axis goddess.
Long story short, both
Eris and Axis priests have been arrested.
“Both churches are
corrupt anyway.”
“What are you saying!? I
won’t tolerate you speaking ill of my followers! They were fighting against the
evil satanists, they did nothing wrong!”
“That’s right! That was
very mean, Kazuma! Darkness, please, let the Eris believers out of jail! Think
of it as a favor to a friend! As a devout Eris believer, I’d done the same.”
The two in front of me
are the so-called goddesses.
Of course their churches
are corrupt.
“Um, well… regardless how
much you hate them, they haven’t done anything wrong yet. I really don’t think
Lady Eris would approve of the priests’ behavior.”
“This is unforgivable!
We’re talking about satanists here! Where is your sense of justice, Darkness?
How can a self-proclaimed devout Eris believer just let them go!?”
Well she’s not that
devout anymore.
Aqua, who I’m 100% sure
is to blame for this, showed no sign of remorse whatsoever.
“I’m sorry Chris, but
Darkness isn’t the same person you knew. While it’s only for the time being,
until her father returns, Darkness is an Axis cultist.”
“...huh?
Ahh? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?”
“N-No!
That’s not true! I haven’t converted! I was just moved by their
doctrines! I’m just putting off my duties as acting lord for a while…”
With the truth finally
out, Chris collapsed to her knees.
“I get you’re shocked,
but a girl should never make a face like that.”
“My whole reality was
just shattered…”
I gently placed Chomosuke
on Chris’ head. I hope Chomosuke can heal her broken heart, if only a little.
She began scratching her…
“...b-but no way, there’s
no way Darkness would do that! She’s a good person, I’m sure she’s just a
little tired, right? I guess that’s fine, understandable even… fine. But
Kazuma, can you help us with this?” Chris pleaded earnestly, as Chomosuke
scratched her face.
For some reason she
really dislikes Chris.
“Sure, what do you need?”
“Darkness… I was a little
upset, but we’re still best friends, right? I need to know why the satanists
came here to begin with.”
Oh…
“Listen carefully. I have
a hunch that… a devil may be lurking somewhere in this city!”
Not just a devil, but
also a lich and several succubi.
While Aqua and I remained
silent, Darkness’ lips twitched a little.
“You know what? I should
go fix this mess myself. Why don’t you go home and rest for today?” Darkness
patted Chris on the shoulder with an awkward smile.
“What?! I’m telling you,
there are devils here! You fool! You traitorous muscle-bound fool! I can’t
trust you anymore! I’m going to find a true believer!”
“W-wait Chris, where are
you going!? I’m not betraying you… and don’t call me that!”
“Ahhh! Don’t take
Chomusuke with you! Catnapper!”
Chris stormed out with
Chomosuke’s claws on her arms, Darkness and Megumin followed after her.
Aqua and I exchanged
glances.
“She’s so devout she
should be a Priest instead of a Thief. Maybe I should make her an honorary Axis
Priest.”
“That’ll only make her
angrier.”
Since no one came back
after a while, Aqua and I went out to check out on the satanists.
We didn’t have anything
better to do anyway.
“Kazuma, Kazuma! There’s
a satanist over there! I think we should free my followers and storm this place
with them!”
“I’m pretty sure the
person you randomly pointed at is just some NEET. He’s wearing a hood because
he dislikes sunlight, and he’s pale because he’s locked up in his room all the
time. Besides, even if the satanists leave, I think it’s better if your followers
stay in jail.”
As I walked along with
Aqua pulling on my cheek, I came across a familiar looking woman.
“Hi there. Nice weather,
isn’t it? According to Vanir’s forecast we’ll have clear skies until the army
locusts arrive.”
“Oh, a regular customer,
and… Ah, Lady Aqua! Hello! Of course Lord Vanir is correct! But we’ll still
take precautions in the shop against the army locusts, just in case!”
Yep, she’s a succubus.
Aqua glared at her like a
thug, making the succubus tremble in fear while she was trying to make awkward
small talk.
“You know the succubi
aren’t bad. And I’ve warned you, if you harm them, all male adventurers will
hate you.”
“As a low-ranking devil,
describing me as ‘not bad’ is rather insulting… a-anyway, what are you and Lady
Aqua doing out here?” Still trembling, the succubus forced a smile.
“We’re on reconnaissance.
There are satanists in this town. They worship devils, vermin who feed on
people’s negative emotions. I, a goddess, am keeping an eye on them to make
sure they don’t do anything bad!”
“I was bored and figured
we could go out. How about you?”
After being called
vermin, the succubus was hurt and her smile faltered.
“I’m out shopping. We’re
technically a café, so I’m out buying some ingredients while the sun is still
out. That’s because…” she glanced around nervously and lowered her voice.
“Lately, some men I’ve never seen before have been sniffing around our neighborhood,
seemingly curious about the shop. We’re technically under Lord Vanir’s
protection, but I don’t want to bother him…”
“Huh?”
“What’s the matter
Kazuma? Suddenly you look all serious.”
“Can you help us? I think
we’re being stalked, this could be dangerous.”
“I guess it could just be
some random stalker…”
It is a store where
beautiful and nearly naked women work.
I have a stalker too, so
it’s not hard to imagine that the succubi would have stalkers too.
“By the way, I’ve heard
that some rough-looking adventurers have come from the frontlines. They aren’t
familiar with the shop. I think if you ask a local adventurer they’ll teach
them a lesson, but how about you try to get them to go to the shop?”
“Great idea! We know
they’re men, whether they’re stalkers or whatever, men only want one thing!”
The succubus and I lit up
at once, high-fived, and shouted in celebration.
“Well, dear customer,
Lady Aqua. I still have errands to run, so I’ll be going now. I’ll try your
suggestion. We work on people’s dreams, I’d prefer not to use my body… but I’ll
have to use my succubus side for once!”
I’m curious about how
that’ll go, but she quickly bowed, turned around, and left.
“I’ve learned my lesson,
from now on, whenever you get mad at me, I’ll just go to that shop.”
“Try anything and chances
are male adventurers will pick up a fight with you.”
Part 4
That night.
“I got a letter from
Chris, it says that she’ll come back if I become an Eris follower again. I told
her over and over, I didn’t convert…”
After finishing dinner,
Darkness brought that up out of the blue.
Maybe she’s feeling bad
for what happened.
You could say that all
this is the satanists fault in some way.
Perhaps one of us will
become another victim next…
Or maybe not, the
satanists haven’t done anything wrong. So far, they’ve been harassed just for
being satanists.
“What a disaster… if even
Chris, an honorary Axis Priest, has been affected. Then we have no other choice
but to wage a holy war. Kazuma, come up with a good plan to drive out the
satanists.”
“I don’t want to be
involved with this at all.”
Like, there’s no actual
problem here for once.
Why are satanists so bad
in a town that has several devils already?
Supposedly there are
countries where devils are nobles, some even work as acting lords.
“Did they really come
here to cause trouble? Many members of the Crimson Magic Clan are satanists,
you know. We’re very comfortable with devils. In fact, did you know the word
devil is a loanword from the ancient Crimson Magic Language? In our tongue, it
means friend. Since ancient times, we have been minions of darkness.”
What ancient times? The
clan was artificially created by some loser from Japan rather recently.
“Oh, is that so? Then let
me tell you what I think about devils! ORAORAORAORAORA—Ah! Megumin, stop it,
that hurts! I’m sorry, please stop!”
Megumin pulled on Aqua’s
cheek.
“Listen, most bad things
in the world are the work of demons and devils! Remember when my favorite
teacup chipped? It was the work of a devil! Anyone who worships them is
obviously plotting something wicked!”
That happened because
Darkness accidentally hit it.
Realizing that, she began
shaking and looking uncomfortably.
I finished my
after-dinner tea and stood up. “I’ll go and check things out. Satanists work at
night, with my stealth skills it’s better if I go alone.”
“I knew you’d cooperate
in the end, Kazuma!” Aqua’s mood instantly shifted.
“I don’t think anything
bad will happen, but… be careful, okay?”
“It seems the satanists
are constantly moving, perhaps because they’ve been attacked so many times.
Where are you even going?”
With Darkness and Megumin
feeling uneasy, I flashed a confident smile.
“Don’t worry, I have a
plan!”
“Welcome! We’re currently
running a special discount! …oh! A regular customer!”
I came to a place where
satanists might gather, there are many devils here after all.
I know this sounds like I
just came to the succubus shop, but it’s not like I lied.
“Hi. How’s business
going?”
“Well, we’ve been trying
to attract male adventurers wandering around, hiding our identities. But
they’re suspicious of us, saying things like, ‘Considering the level of the
girls working here, this place must be expensive!’, or ‘No way, the price is
way too low!’, or ‘I was told there weren’t such shops here!’ We don’t really
fight, I don’t think our level is very high…”
I see, so they think it’s
some sort of scam.
“I think you’re
misunderstanding. They don’t think your level is high, they think you’re high-grade
girls, you know what I mean?”
“Oh, I get it! Potential
customers are wary of me. Why don’t you come with me? We still have a slot open
for tonight!”
The succubus hugged my
arm, I could feel something soft pressing against me.
I have no idea how those
adventurers could possibly say no to this.
“In that case, I’d like
to dream with you tonight …does that count as sexual harassment?”
“Not for us, if anything
that’s a classic succubus joke.”
The succubus and I
entered the shop, giggling.
An hour later.
“Thanks for your
reservation! Please be sure to go to bed early tonight!”
“Yes, I’ve already booked
my usual inn. I’ll be sure to be clean too.”
After I filled the
request, the succubus saw me off.
“Haha, it’s a dream,
there’s no need for that.”
“I’m simply behaving like
a gentleman should.”
After sharing a good
laugh, I left the shop in high spirits.
…but what about the
adventurers coming from the front lines?
Unlike the well-behaved
local adventurers, those guys are supposed to be quite the thugs.
If they don’t come to
this shop to relieve stress they’ll do something bad eventually.
“Maybe I should explain
how this place works. Once they understand why it’s cheap, they’ll stop being
suspicious. But I don’t know where to find them, so maybe…” but then, something
hit me. “If more people come here then it’ll be harder to make reservations!”
Phew, good thing I didn’t
act rashly.
Yeah, I’ll just leave it
to the police to deal with them.
And with that, I headed
towards a deserted alley.
I frequent inns in this
part of town, where few people come. This way the succubus that work with me
won’t be discovered.
Perhaps many had the same
idea, because even though it's a rather shabby inn, tons of men come here.
Even the innkeeper is
puzzled as to why so many people come to this dilapidated place.
He could use some of the
money to improve it!
As I turned down the
alley…
“I offer myself! I offer
myself! Devil, answer to our call!”
Activating my Stealth
skill, I disappeared into the darkness.
A group of hooded men
were conducting a suspicious ritual.
Man, why now!? I’m not
sure if my luck is supposed to be good or bad.
Like, couldn’t they go to
the forest or sewers or something?
Tons of male adventurers
come here. Why would’ve happened if it wasn’t me who found them?
“Why!? Why won’t you
answer our calls!?”
“I’m sure it’s in this
city, why can’t we summon it!? Damn, perhaps we need more information…”
I’m about to have a nice
sexy dream, so why don’t you make like a tree and—
“For the sake of our
noble goal, we cannot be picky any longer. We must find more information no
matter what!”
“Yes, I’m sure if more
people knew of our wish, more would sympathize with us! Let’s go!”
Vanir is probably not
listening because he’s on his part time job at the guild.
I also really doubt
anyone would sympathize with them…
Damn, but now that I
heard them, I can’t just let this go. I have a feeling I’ll meet a terrible
fate…
Vanir said it was fine,
but I’m trusting my gut feeling here. An intuition I’ve honed after living in
this shitty other world for so long.
Sorry satanists, but I
can’t let you go!
(Sorry for intruding)
With a whisper, the
unlocked window slid open.
Bathed in brilliant
moonlight beneath a clear night sky, the succubus slipped gracefully into the
room.
“I’ve been waiting for
you. Good evening.”
“Ah?”
She probably wasn’t
expecting to find me awake.
“You’re not supposed to
be awake! I came here to give you an especially stimulating dream!”
“Really? Sorry, I’ll go
to bed then… no, hold on. Listen, I feel bad about this, but I’m not in a
position to have a stimulating dream for now.”
“You have no time for a
dream? What do you mean? Is another big bounty target coming? What’s going
on!?”
“Let’s say the entire
world may be in danger. Let me explain…”
After hearing the whole
story, the succubus turned red with rage, practically foaming at the mouth.
“What!? They’re trying to
summon Lord Vanir!? The nerve of those satanists!”
“Vanir said that even if
they summon him, he won’t agree to a contract, so that’s not really the
problem.”
I tried to reassure her,
but that seemingly had the opposite effect.
“Of course that’s a
problem! We can’t allow Lord Vanir to be summoned by some loser satanists!”
She shook her head so
hard I thought it might come off.
I quietly offered her a
small bag of dirt.
“This is part of Vanir, I
picked it up when he and Aqua were fighting.”
“Thank you, thank you,
thank you! I’ll treasure this as a family heirloom, it’d be disrespectful to
return it to Lord Vanir after all!”
I kept that in case I ran
into a satanist, but it seems it worked with the succubus.
“I doubt he’ll care, but
whatever. I have a bad feeling about this, so I decided to tell you.”
“You made the right
decision. If this keeps up, it could turn into a major disaster!” Rubbing her
cheek with the bag of dirt, the succubus stared at me with a serious
expression. “This can’t go on. The satanists are men, right? If there’s a woman
there I’ll strike her down myself, even if Lady Aqua purifies me!”
“I’m pretty sure they’re
all men… would it be worse if a woman summoned him? Devils are genderless,
right?”
Well, there are succubi,
but it seems higher ranking devils transcend gender and form.
I don’t think it really
matters…
“For us succubi, devils
who take the form of women, that’d be the worst possible scenario. It’d be one
thing if a man summoned him, but if some woman were to summon Lord Vanir…! All
the succubi in the entire world would die of shock!”
“Relax. Nobody’s
summoning Vanir. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect your shop.”
And if that shop
disappears, Axel will fall into chaos.
Sensing my sincerity, the
succubus carefully tucked the bag of dirt in her cleavage and nodded with a
solemn expression.
“We issue VIP cards to
our finest customers. Please look forward to exceptional benefits.”
“That alone could
motivate me to defeat the Demon King. Leave it to me. But first, we need to
secure that new product Wiz is planning to sell.”
My powerful statement
made the succubus look at me as if she were seeing a legendary hero… then,
suddenly, reverting back to normal, she tilted her head.
“What new product?”
“It’s a guide about
Vanir. I think it’s called ‘A Thorough Explanation of the all-Seeing Devil:
Vanir’s Daily Life’. Wiz is making copies by hand right now.”
The succubus’ breakdown
was truly a sight to behold.
Part 5
The next morning.
Instead of going back to
the mansion, I headed straight to the magic tool shop before opening hours and
explained everything to Vanir.
“I think that was too
much for her. The succubus got so excited she lost a life. You said things
would be fine, but things are not fine at all!”
“I’m only confused why
you felt the need to tell me all that, young man… It hasn't been much since a
human summoned a great devil. A friend of mine, Maxwell, was summoned here. But
he’s fine back in hell now. There’s no need to panic.” Vanir tilted his head.
…Maxwell? I’m pretty sure
I heard that name back on Earth.
I think there was some
edgy setting like, to destroy Maxwell’s Demon[2],
you had to wipe out its memories or something.
But I’m losing focus.
“Stop being so carefree.
Why are you cleaning the storefront in a crisis? You shouldn’t be drawing
attention to yourself!”
“The shop must remain
presentable for customers… especially since many are already waiting.”
Next to the shop was a
line of succubi, all bloodshot-eyed and clutching fat wads of cash.
I can’t see the end of
the line from here.
“There was a line just
like this when your photobook was released. What’s going on? Are you that
popular?”
It makes me mad, we male
adventurers are weak against succubi, but succubi are weak against Vanir.
Yet Vanir fears Wiz’
tendency to lose money, Wiz fears Aqua, and Aqua fears me not giving her money
to go drinking.
It’s a hard to describe
and odd power balance.
“I care not for
popularity. However, demand appears sufficient for a second print run.
Apparently lower-ranking devils who purchased the book have been blackmailed by
higher-ranking ones.”
“I’ve seen it, but it’s
just page after page of you just sitting in a chair. You never even take the
mask off. What’s behind it?”
Even the succubi, who are
supposed to be highly resistant to stimulation, passed out when reading Vanir’s
super safe photobook.
“It’s something beyond
human imagination. Regardless, where are the satanists? At this rate there
won’t be any books for them, the succubi will buy them all.”
“Listen, there’s no way
we can let anyone summon you. So, just hide in the back of the shop. This might
solve itself, the succubi will buy every copy before the satanists get one.
Look at them. They’re serious.”
“All I see is diseased
consumerism. Hollow faces driven only by greed.”
They just really like
you, man…
“Oh! So this is where you
were!” Aqua arrived. “What’s this line for, Kazuma? You didn’t come back home
last night.”
“Well, you know, I
stumbled into some satanists. And then this and that, and…” Feeling embarrassed
by her concern, I tried to cover up. “I appreciate you doing this for me, but
where are Megumin and Darkness? Did you three split up to look for me?”
Aqua must’ve been really
worried, because she didn’t even try to hide her sleepy face, her hair is a
mess too.
“Those two woke me up and
threw me out of the house. I haven’t even had breakfast!”
“...I see. But you were
looking for me, right?”
Aqua didn’t answer,
instead called out towards the back of the shop. “Wiz! I’m hungry, give me
something to eat!”
“S-sure, I was about to
make breakfast. Would you like to join us, Kazuma?”
“Uh, sure… Aqua, you came
here because you were worried about me, right? You didn’t just come to eat?”
There was a sudden
commotion outside.
The succubi are probably
just excited.
If only that was all…
Yes, the satanists I saw
last night are here too.
Hearing the commotion,
Vanir stepped outside, curiously.
“Lord Vanir, step back!
We’ll deal with these insolent fools!”
“If you try anything,
I’ll use my Sacred Highness Exorcism.”
Aqua’s remark caused the
succubi to fall silent.
One of the satanists
knelt down, his voice trembling.
“Oh, oh…! So you were
here all along…! The rumors were true after all!”
“We found you! We finally
found you! What beauty…! You are even more magnificent in person!”
The succubi surged
forward, shielding Vanir.
Some satanists began to
cry.
I see. To me Vanir is
just some old guy in a suit, but to them he’s a legendary figure to be
worshipped.
Despite being in the
streets, the satanists were prostrating before Vanir, who burst through the
succubi barrier and stepped forward.
“Fuahahahahahaha! I’ve
forgotten due to how the people in this town treat me, but yes, this is how
it’s supposed to be!” Vanir threw his apron and spread his arms wide, the
prostrate satanists were enveloped in the shadow of the devil. “How delightful!
It has been far too long since humans gazed upon me with awe, rather than
lower-ranking devils staring with tiresome obsession…!”
Vanir is usually
laid-back, but perhaps working so much has put a lot of stress on him, because
he’s really lively now.
He laughed heartily as he
stepped towards the satanists. “Do you desire my forbidden power? A power so
vast the world itself has shunned it!? Then make your offering! Honor my
legend! Perform the summoning rite! Chant my name, satanists!”
“Aqua, Aqua! Vanir is
sounding like Megumin, is he alright? Is he getting carried away because he’s
finally getting to act as a great devil after so long!?”
“Well… I’d call it a
cheap Megumin imitation. Though I guess his power has been shunned.”
Who cares about that!?
While Vanir reveled in
the moment, the surrounding succubi looked ready to riot.
If not for Aqua, they’d
jump into the satanists then and there.
“Wiz! It seems Vanir will
agree to a new contract if the offer is good!” I called Wiz, as she was getting
ready to open the shop. “This is not fine at all!”
“What!? Vanir, are you
going to abandon me!? Are you going to abandon me because you’re going to work
somewhere else!?” Wiz rushed out the shop, clutching her new book.
“An offering? Naturally,
we offer everything!” one of the satanists shouted.
Vanir’s lips slowly
curled into a delighted smile.
“Yes! If you grant our
wish, we’ll offer anything! I’d even give up my own mother! She’s a housewife,
yet she’s awful at housework! She doesn’t even cook anymore, she just serves
pre-made meals from the store!”
“I offer my alcoholic
father who refuses to work! That’s how badly I want this wish granted!”
The other satanists began
offering up their families as well.
Vanir immediately lost
interest.
Something is very wrong
here.
“By the way,” one of the
satanists looked up at Vanir. “Who are you? Could you aside? I can’t see the
succubi.”
The entire street went
silent. Even the murderous aura radiating from the succubi vanished.
For some reason they all
turned to me, so out of obligation I approached the satanists.
“Weren’t you trying to
summon the all-seeing devil? He’s right here. Vanir. The devil who once served
as a Demon King Army general. You came here to buy that book about him, didn’t
you?” I turned to Wiz as she was holding her book.
The satanist hadn’t even
bothered to look at her, their faces showing clear confusion.
“The all-seeing what?
Sorry, never heard of him, we're all succubi fans.”
“Hey, don’t lump us all
together! Some of us here are lilim[3] fans!”
“What about the Medusa
faction? We believe Medusa is secretly shy and kind, she just can’t look anyone
in the eye!”
“While not devils,
vampires are great too. When it comes to style they’re the best. Though succubi
beat them on pure looks.”
While the satanists were
arguing, I tried to appear as calm as possible.
“So… you were trying to
summon succubi? I overheard you last night talking about some noble wish.”
“Ah, you heard us. Well,
you see, we want to summon succubi… to be our partners, not just in a dream…”
“That’s a great ide—I
mean, that’s not noble at all! Succubi are the most sacred beings in the world,
they allow us to dream with infinite possibilities! You people are the worst!”
For a moment I almost
agreed with them, but the succubi gaze made me quickly change my mind.
The satanists were
looking at me and whispering, “Is he a comrade?”, “Is he one of us?”
No, don’t jump to
conclusions.
Stay calm, I gotta stay
calm.
Can’t screw this up.
Despite my pleas, all the
present devils fell silent, so Aqua took the opportunity.
“Fuahahahahahaha! The
stupid masked devil said this would become a global crisis! That there would be
unforeseen consequences! Hahahahahaha! Turns out the satanists never cared
about him at all! Ahahahahahaha!”
Seeing Aqua rolling on
the floor laughing, Wiz and I collapsed to our knees.
“Hahahahahaha! This is
hilarious! Ahahahahahahaha!”
I couldn’t help it, her
laugh is contagious. Wiz is the only one not laughing, biting her arm to hold
it in.
Seeing that, Aqua put her
hand on her shoulder, laughing and crying at the same time. “W-Wiz, just give
it up and laugh! Don’t think about what the clown devil may do later, just have
fun and laugh! Ahahahahaha! This may be the funniest thing ever! They didn’t
even know who he was! Ahahahahahaha!”
“Ahh…” Wiz dug her nails
into her arms to stop herself from laughing.
“L-Lord Vanir! It all
worked out in the end, right? Mere humans can’t summon you after all! Besides,
we’re all going to buy your new book! You could call today a fan appreciation
sale!”
“Y-yes! I’ll take three
copies of Lord Vanir’s new book!”
“Hey, satanists! You
can’t even summon someone like us and you dared mock Lord Vanir. Go away!”
“And never come back to
this shop ever again! You’re banned from our shop too! Shoo, shoo!”
The succubi’s reaction
finally made the satanists realize just how badly they screwed up.
“Wait, please wait!”
“Um… you were Panir, the
All-Sleeping Devil, right? Or was it All-Seeing? If you can see things, could
you help me find the sock I lost last night?”
“Oh, and can you tell me
where my runaway dog went?”
“Also, could you locate
the wife who ran off with another man?”
The satanists asked one
after another.
“...!”
Aqua was laughing so hard
she couldn’t breathe.
Wiz was lying face down
on the ground, trembling uncontrollably without uttering a sound.
Vanir has been motionless
for quite some time, so an innocent succubus tried to encourage him with a
cheerful smile.
“Don’t worry, Lord Vanir!
None of these losers know about you! So there’s no need to worry about being
summoned!”
Vanir left town later
that day.[4]
[3] You know how succubi take the form of women? Well, lilim are basically the same thing, but they take the form of young girls.
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